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BABEWATCH: 5 NFL Cheerleader Hotties

September 22nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

We’ll be the first ones to say that there’s something slightly creepy about grown women being cheerleaders. It’s a little bit like grown women wanting to be princesses–yes, we’re talking to you, Bridezillas–like indulging a girlhood fantasy way past its sell-by date.

That said, cheerleading, at least the face of it, has changed a lot since we were kids. Cheerleading squads, especially in professional sports, have become increasingly more diverse. In the NFL, it’s rare these days to see an all-white squad, and about one-third of the teams have at least one Asian cheerleader. (My Cowboys, however, do not. Boo, Jerry Jones. Boo.) And because football and cheerleading are national birthrights, this is progress. It’s like people are finally starting to see that Asian is American, too.

To celebrate this change, we present to you our Top 5 NFL Cheerleader Draft Picks (click on their names to see more photos and full bios):

DUYEN
Houston Texans
“I love any type of curry, whether it’s Thai, Vietnamese, Japanese or Indian.”
ALICIA
Philadelphia Eagles
Favorite books? “Anything by Haruki Murakami.”
KAORUKO HORIIKE
Denver Broncos
Holds a degree in Economics from Rikkyo University (Japan).

TOMOKO KOJIMA
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Decided to become an NFL cheerleader in 1994, when she attended a preseason game in San Diego as an exchange student from Japan.
TIFFANY
San Diego Chargers
Immigrated to Southern California from Taiwan at the age of 7.

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Miss Teen Dumbass

October 22nd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Reigning Miss Teen Louisiana, Lindsey Evans, lost her crown yesterday–11 days early–after she dined ‘n’ dashed with three female friends in Bossier City, LA over the weekend but FORGOT HER PURSE IN THE RESTAURANT. Which, in addition to her ID, ALSO CONTAINED A BAG O’ WEED. (The bill, by the way, was $46.07 for 4 people.)

This is just lazy and stupid. Leaving your purse at a restaurant where you skip out on the check? That’s shamefully poor planning. Forgetting your bag of weed anywhere? What the hell kinda stoner is she? She either hasn’t smoked enough to understand its value or she’s smoked way too much to remember anything; whatever the case may be, her little pea-brain clearly can’t afford it. Also, what sort of pretty white girl can’t charm her way out of getting busted for not paying an inexpensive check and carrying a little bag of pot in her purse?

The only good news for Lindsey is that she won’t be needing brain cells in the future, where she hopes to become a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. On second thought, I’m sure she’ll find a way to fuck that up, too. High-kicking in white boots and your underwear does require some basic motor skills and coordination.

Check out her mugshot. She looks like Tracy Flick’s dumb cousin whom Tracy is ashamed of and refuses to acknowledge in school:


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Gimme a D-O-L-L

September 29th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The Cowboys lost yesterday to the Redskins, putting a major damper on all the too-early-in-the-season-Super-Bowl-chatter. In related news, I learned this week that the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Barbie only comes in three flavors: vanilla (“Caucasian”), chocolate (“African-American”), and coffee (“Hispanic”). Is the first Cowboys loss of the season and this doll-item related? Probably not. (Dallas’ bullshit-secondary is the more likely culprit.)


But what the F is up with that, Big D? What about all those little Asian girls who want to grow up to be fake-breasted, skimpy outfit-wearing, dirty dancing-hobags, risking disownment and alienasian from their families? Who will they model themselves after?


Oh. Well, okay. Never mind.


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