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AMAZIAN JR. OF THE WEEK! Bao Xishun’s Baby

October 6th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Name: So far, all we know is that he’s the the baby of the world’s tallest man, Bao Xishun. But we quite like the sound of “Baby Bao”

Hails from: Hebei province, China

Occupation: Baby

Known for: Being the first-born son of Bao Xishun and wife Xia Shujuan. Hey, Daddy Bao already gets most of the hype for holding world tecords (Tallest Man In the World, and now, incidentally, Tallest Father), so why bog him down with more accolades?

The way we see it, when you’re the newborn child of the world’s tallest man (and his cute as crumb cake, average-sized spouse), expectasians can be–dare we say it–impossibly high. We’re going to kick off this kid’s spankin’ new life experience by telling him that he’s Amazian no matter what!!! After all, the name Bao reminds us of steamed dumplings, and little dumplings are pretty frickin’ awesome.

So there ya go baby, a no-strings huzzah for you. Doubt that’s gonna ever happen again. Oh well.

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

September 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy birthday to Puffy AmiYumi’s Ami Onuki, who is 35 today!

35? Ya mean, 17? That is just ridiculous. Look at her, so cute as a frickin’ button. Skin as smooth as a fresh nectarine. Body as perky as a pre-pubescent ballet student. She’s voiced half of the world’s most adorable cartoon rock star duo, for cryin’ out loud! She’s fantastic.

Many birthday wishes go out across the Pacific to our lady in Japan, including this one: may you look 35 4eva. Dayum.

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Kid Koala

September 17th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Few tickle vinyl with such brilliant fervor as our favorite Canadiasian deejay Kid Koala, whose turntable-told stories fascinate us, and soft-spoken illustrative aesthetic somehow warms our icy cold hearts. Kids are cute, koalas even cuter– we hate to say this about the man, but he is CUTE with all capital letters. CUTE CUTE CUTE.

Check out Koala’s latest project, Your Mom’s Favorite DJ, out on Ninja Tune Records now.

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Loverlee

August 6th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


There is something blissful about the delicate, rinky-dink harmonies of Loverlee, a female-dominated indie quintet operating out of Los Angeles. The sound lo-fi and simple, as pretty as the band can possibly imagine it, as professional as they can make it.

And they couldn’t be cuter. Look at them–so nerdy it’s fantastic. So tragically unhip that they are actually way ahead of the curve. Flutes? Cellos? You want to root for them before they even start playing, and the minute they do you can’t stop smiling out of pride.

(Yes, I know, it sounds like I just rattled off a purseful of backhanded compliments, but I promise you I didn’t. Ask my childhood tennis instructor–my backhand sucks.)

Listen to Loverlee here.

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Beatie Baby

July 23rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


No longer-Pregnant Man Thomas Beatie and his newborn daughter, Susan Juliette, released their first photos to the public via People Magazine this week. Look at that precious young thing! Her sweet little face is actually so angelic that it has totally helped us forget all of the crazy “eek!” tingles we got watching a pregnant man talk on Oprah.

More details from People:

Susan – named after Thomas’s mother and conceived through artificial insemination with donor sperm – arrived after 40 hours of labor, with Nancy at Thomas’s side acting as his coach.

…Both father and daughter came through the birth in perfect health. “I weigh two pounds less than I did before I got pregnant,” adds Thomas. “And I don’t have a single stretch mark!

Wait, let’s back up.

40 hours of labor?!? Formerly pregnant men talking about stretch marks?? Consider us tingly again.

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Big Talk Comes in Small Packages

June 4th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Our friend Amy stars in the video above. She’s the adorable girl reading George Dubya’s correspondence aloud (there’s no one else in the video, but I’m just clarifying for the weary).

Yes, we know, she clearly thinks his prose could use some work.

We’re incredibly proud of her, not just for her elocution but for her subtle ability to make Dubya’s encouragement “to spend time outside” sound about as ridiculous IN A LETTER FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES DURING TIME OF GLOBAL PERIL AND WAR… as it is.

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Thanks, Vivian!

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This Little Piggy Went to the Himalayas…

May 15th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Last year, when TMZ.com began circulating an angry voicemail that Alec Baldwin left for his 11-year-old daughter Ireland, referring to her as a “rude little pig,” everyone around me was shocked, appalled, and horrified at how angry and vicious his remarks were.

I, of course, simply thought: “Hunh. That sounds like Level One ‘mad’ in the land of Hardass Asian Parenting. I do believe that my parents must have, at some point in my childhood, gotten to Level Five and said things in Vietnamese striking me to hell in a handbasket, expletive, expletive, expletive, ‘we wish you had never been born and you are a curse of dishonor unto our family,’ expletive expletive. Anyway, what’s so terrible about being called a little pig? Sure, it’s not the most flattering description, but it’s certainly not going to leave a scar.”

ANYhoozle… today, Intern Jasmine tipped me off to the news that sixteen tiny little pygmy hogs, the result of a captive breeding project from four rescues, are finally being released into the their natural habitat at the foot of the Himlayas.

TAKE ONE LOOK AT THAT ADORABLE LITTLE PIG! And now you decide: If Baldwin had been trying to insult his daughter, why would he have compared her to something soooooo adorable?

You feel bad for judging El Baldwin now, don’t you?? Mmm hmm, that’ll show you.

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Part Deux, Le Deux De Mars

February 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

March 2nd will mark the very important birthdays of Jen’s Dad (who I’ve got on the brain, bought Jen her first car–an import, and is responsible for her being a bad-ass softball slugger at a mere 40 lbs.), my sister Anh (who beat me up for sixteen years until I realized I was taller than her and even now, when I fall during motocross, yells things like, “Goddammit, you almost flooded the gas tank! Oh, also, are you ok?”)…

…and US! HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY TO DISGRASIAN! I guess you aren’t really supposed to wish yourself a happy day, so we’re so glad our best friend (who is also, technically, one year old) did it for us:

Thank you, Eli! We love you. <3.

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ROCK OF ASIAN JR.

February 20th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The Beatles are big on my mom’s side of the family. I have one uncle who definitely believes he is the Vietnamese incarnation of John Lennon, who named his first daughter Michelle about ten years before she was born, and rocks out tracks from Rubber Soul on an electric piano every time we get together for holidays. He’s got both a son and daughter, both of whom are pretty weird and rad, but noticeably not musically inclined (or Beatlemaniacs for that matter).

I try not to bring that little factoid up, because unlike most of my relatives I think he’s actually a little disappointed that his kids will probably end up in medical school instead of playing the guitar too high up on their chests on top of the Capitol Records building. And I am DEFINITELY not going to send him this video…

…of a ridiculously cutey cute cuterson Amazian Jr. who isn’t even out of diapers but can rattle off a baby version of “Hey Jude” faster than you can say “Hokey Pokey.” I swear, if anyone sends this to my uncle, he’ll try to return his kids for a refund. So don’t!

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Thanks, Pete!

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Cosmicdust

February 20th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Cosmicdust is just one very sweet fellow in Tokyo that likes dreamy, ethereal tracks and cute things. What an equasian! We adore him.

Listen and look here.

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Pedestrasians

February 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Hey Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt,

Dude, high-five from your Vietnamese sister. What’s up, little man? You’re so cute. You’re so friggin’ cute. I’m so glad you’re not stuck in an orphanage in our homeland eating old rice with your fingers while wearing sandals made out of tires, peddling aluminum coke can helicopters to Isreali tourists. That would suck! Instead, you have scored in life, big time. You have an angelic face, you have bitchin’ hair, you still fit in little pants, and you have parents that will probably let you go out on Fridays and date before you’re 29 (bangs head on desk).

One thing: I’ve noticed over the last year or so, that since your supernatural adoption, you haven’t spent a lot of time on foot. I’ve been meaning to write you about this for months, but hesitated because I thought maybe you had a thing, a condition perhaps, some sort of foot measles or toenail infection or broken knees or something, and god, how awful would that be for me to bring up your “condition” on a public forum like DISGRASIAN? EEEK! I didn’t want to do it, no way. “Can Pax walk?” I only asked myself, because I was too scared that you couldn’t and that someone would think I was a total asshole for asking.

But then I remembered that Jen, my writing partner and pal, doesn’t judge. So I asked her if you could walk and she said yes, he actually went skiing last weekend! So then was like, fer sure that you could walk. PHEW! But just to get really really fer sure, I then found some pictures of you jumping alongside your mom (Side note: Where does she buy all of her flats? Are they all Lanvin?) so I think it’s all pretty much confirmed. You’ve got two feet, and you can get around on ‘em just fine. Sweet.

So just one thing. Not to be your Hardass Asian kinda-sorta-related-only-by-ethnicity sister, but shit, you’re no spring chicken, kid. I think it’s time to get to steppin’, if you know what I mean. And what I mean is, YOU’RE TOO OLD TO BE CARRIED.

I get it, you’re roaming all around town, you get tired, you’re a little guy, blah blah blah. But I have a solution for that. Maybe what you need is a pair of those shoes with the rolly wheels!

I gotta say, these things are pretty cool. They freak me out a little, but that’s just jealousy talking.

So in conclusion, I think you and your family seem pretty happy, but I definitely think that if your lithe mama has to tote your tush any longer, homegirl is gonna exhaust herself like an anorexic marathon runner. Feel free to call me with any questions.

Talk soon! xoxoxoxoxo
Diana

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There Ain’t Nothin’ Wang With A Little Pterodactyl

February 13th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I did not think that it was possible to find anything cuter than the above teeny, tiny, toothless pterodactyl fossil, which was recently discovered in China by a team led by Xiaolin Wang of the Chinese Academy of Science.

That is… until I saw…

…the teeny, tiny, toothless pterodactyl fossil posing in a teeny, tiny tree.

(SIGH!)

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