You are currently browsing posts tagged with Crybabies

Nerd Eliminasian

September 26th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I like to believe (because it’s true) that Asians excel at everything.

If you’re going to be a genome researcher, be the very best researcher. If you’re going to be a concert violinist, be the the very best concert violinist. If you’re going to be a blogger, be the very best blogger (hee!)–do you what you do, and do it well.

Oh, and one more thing: if you’re going to be the one repreznt’n Asian smarty-pants-nerd on the 4th season of Beauty and the Geek, be the best damn Geek in the bin, NOT THE FIRST ELIMINATED. And when you are eliminated from the cast of what is really just a CW-low-concept-reality-show, DON’T CRY LIKE A LITTLE BITCH.

I’m talking to you, Tony:

Tony, I want to like you. You’re a nerd (DISGRASIAN actually really loves nerds). You love science (science is hot). You’re not just any medical student, you specialize in Biomedical Engineering with a concentration in Chemical Engineering (which is basically just a tongue-twister to us). You collect historic medical books and play Chinese Chess. That shit is brainy and weird and mildly eccentric, which is awesome. It’s all very, very cool.

So embrace it! Own it! You don’t need a stupid reality show to get laid. You can get laid all on your own. You just need to make a few improvements.

First of all, stand up straight. Secondly, stop tucking in your t-shirt, and never wear exercise pants if you aren’t exercising. While you’re at it, feel free to exercise more. Next, realize that you have a penis and act like it. You’re studying at Johns Hopkins University right now– introduce yourself to my friend Young, who is a medical professor there with a Princeton English Degree and a Medical PhD and is possibly the coolest and sexiest brainiac alive–and get some lady-baiting tips.

Lastly, stop selling yourself and your brothers as dickless dorks that don’t know Vanilla Ice from Eminem or up from down or eunuch from Munich. You’re better than that.


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Sara, We Hardly Nguyen You

August 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
We, too, have longed to do this to certain people’s, um, peppers

25 year-old Sara Nguyen was eliminated last night on Top Chef, after failing to make decent burgers and milkshakes for drunk people.

But really Sara lost because she is a CRYBABY. After the producers duped the cast into thinking they were going out on the town in MyHammy, and everyone got dressed up then loaded in a limo, the “cheftestants” were abruptly told that they had to make “hangover food” for about 100 people out of a catering truck.

Sara lost her shit because she was in a “low-cut shirt” and had to shop for groceries in…gasp!…heels. She claimed that those tough circumstances “demoralized” her and put her “out of (her) element.” Fellow cheftestants thought Howie was an asshole for calling her a baby…

…but I couldn’t have agreed more with that short, bald fat fuck.


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Ooh, I Wish It Would Rain Down On Me

July 5th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Pictured below is Korean superpopstar Rain, not performing at the Staples center to a screaming crowd of thousands this past weekend:

Today’s forecast: Mostly Sunny

According to the LA Times, Rain’s much anticipated performance was cancelled just an hour and a half before the show was to begin, disappointing hordes of fans–many who had flown from across the globe. Obviously a huge number of Angelinos were deeply disappointed, including two girls named Jen and Diana that you may know pretty well:

“No Rain tonight? Why, WHY? WHY??” – Jen and Diana (holding back the tears)
…so what was the deal? While some guessed low ticket sales, the LA Times reported that Rain was quick to point the finger at the event’s promoters:

The missed concert — for which 77% of available tickets were sold, according to Ticketmaster — could push back his efforts to establish his pop stardom in America by as much as two years.

“The local promoter didn’t set up everything,” Rain, whose real name is Jung Ji-Hoon, said through an interpreter Sunday. “When I came to the venue, the LED screen couldn’t be set up. I have rain falling in the concert — that couldn’t work. The stage wasn’t set up, there were no lights, no sound. I wanted to do a great show. But yesterday, I couldn’t get on stage.”

V2B’s Chief Executive Andy Kim, however, tells a very different story, insisting the tour’s original promoter, StarM, pulled the plug on the show after discovering the production would not be able to use Rain’s massive Korean-made LED screen — a central component of his stage show — because it didn’t conform to American electrical standards.

Oh, Rain. Jen and I understand what it’s like to not get what you want, exactly like you want it. And so, we have a few things for you.

This is a gift from me:

And here’s Jen, playing the world’s smallest violin:

Feel better, dude! See you never!!!


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I Try to Discover, A Little Something to Make Me Sweeter

May 4th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The AP reports today that “Jessica Biel wants respect as an actress.” Here’s a picture of her all wet and bothered, demanding her due:

And here’s a picture of me again, playing Erasure’s “A Little Respect,” on the world’s smallest violin.


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