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A 28-year-old California woman named Lisette Lee was busted by the feds after her chartered plane from LA landed in Columbus, Ohio this week–with over 13 suitcases of marijuana on it.
Should she be convicted, Lee could see 40 years in prison and up to $2 million in fines.
News organizations and expert sleuths like Gawker are already having a bonanza as they dig up everything relevant (and irrelevant, but wonderfully ridiculous) there is to know about this mysterious woman, who amazingly was able to keep her fake eyelashes on throughout her arrest and night in the clink, and might have more identities than Britney.
Highlights of what we currently know about Lee:
- potentially an actress/model/recording artist/whatever (Ed. note–that might just be a reeeeeally bad mugshot)
- was arrested with 3 cell phones, blow, weed, and drug deal ledgers in her bag
- claims to be an heiress related to Samsung’s “Lee” family of Korea; they deny the relationship (although this is by no means an ironclad denial. It’s no secret that Hardass Asian Families will disavow you for like, failing a test. My HAPs would deny knowing me if I got a ticket for rolling past a stop sign.)
- loooooooves eyeliner. Like LOOOOOOOOVES it.
- seems all kinds of crazy (warranting comparisons to Tila Tequila)
- seems to have a gift for embellishment (warranting comparisons to the Hipster Grifter)
- has also been named in event photographs with the surname Morita (unnecessarily dragging Pat’s name into this mess)
- apparently has a boyfriend in Columbus that she can’t or won’t name
- organized this fourth drug run to Columbus for a “friend” who doled out $60k per trip (that’s the total budget for all other players involved, by the way, not her personal fee)
- apparently willing to break federal law for measly tens of thousands, not realizing that a nice managerial job at Starbucks would have also provided her with benefits
- currently sitting in jail awaiting a bond hearing that will take place tomorrow at 10am. It was postponed from today to allow Lee’s family time to travel to Columbus (this will NOT be pretty)
Sooooo much information! But I’ve still got one really, really important question: Where the fuzz is that 506 lbs. of ganj going?
Filed under: Charter Planes, Cocaine, Columbus Ohio, Criminals, DEA, Drug Busts, Fake Eyelashes, False Eyelashes, Ganja, Gawker, Hardass Asian Families, Hardass Asian Parents, Jail, Lisette Lee, Lisette Lee Morita, Marijuana, Model Actress Whatever, Mug Shots, Pat Morita, Samsung, Samsung Lee Family, Smuggled Goods, Starbucks, The Kind Of Wacky Incidents We'll Miss When Marijuana Is Legalized, Tranny Makeup
What’s up, girl? We just read that you turned yourself in to the police last month, and just got arrested, in association with the February burglaries of celebutards Audrina Patridge and Lindsay Lohan–aka the Hollywood Hills “Burglar Bunch” string of celebrity heists.
So okay, there are just a couple of teensy things that your big sistaz here at DISGRASIAN have to say (if we may):
First of all, we can’t condone crime, baby. That shit is not good for our collective AZN rep. Stealing is especially frowned upon (unless it’s of the spotlight, the glory, or some dirty bitch’s boyfriend) because it reads as really desperate, sad behavior. Our peeps—we aren’t desperate! We shouldn’t steal stuff cuz we should have stuff. We don’t need stuff, we’ve got good stuff. And if we want more stuff, we just do reallyreallyreally well at something and get a bunch of money and then buy that stuff. Know what we mean?
Secondly, bravo on turning yourself in. That shows a bit of penance, or at least the smarts to build leverage before you and your buddies get threatened with prison time and beaten and forced to narc like crazy on each other until y’all are facing life without the possibility of parole or something. Did your parents make you hand yourself over to the fuzz? Wait–do your parents EVEN KNOW YOU [ALLEGEDLY] ROBBED A COUPLE OF CELEBRITIES YET?!? Or do they think you’re off at college or something and just not returning phone calls about your grades? If not, whoa, sister. We don’t know you, but our spare room is open if you get released and need to hide/crash somewhere for the rest of your life. Shit.
Third and finally, did you manage to steal anything good? From Lohan’s house, we mean (we’ve got no interest in Patridge’s extensive collection of skanky mini-dresses). There’s gotta be some crazy shit up in that hellhole! Anyway, let us know… we’re, um, just curious!
Keep ya head up, girl.
Filed under: Audrina Patridge, Bad Behavior, Burglary, Celebutards, Criminals, Disappointing Your Parents, Lindsay Lohan, Penance, Rachel Lee, Ruh-Roh, Skanks, Stealing, The Fuzz, Theft, Turning Yourself In
A few weeks ago, we made Kari Ferrell, aka The Hipster Grifter, DISGRASIAN of the Weak. We did so with some ambivalence, because, really, who gives a fuck if some chick ripped off a coupla hipsters? Especially when she was giving away mouth-handjobs to ‘em like ice cream during a summer day power outage?
The update to Kari is that early Monday morning, she turned herself in and is currently in police custody in Philly. But not before she set the record straight on Friday with ANIMAL, granting them a photo shoot and a video confessional, thus extending her 15 minutes of fame/muse-dom/memetic dominance/internet famous-ness/being the blogosphere’s darling:
Here’s what I love about this video:
- The girl with $60,000 in outstanding warrants–as a result of forged checks, bad checks, and retail theft–has the audacity to publicly chasten her former employer, Vice magazine, for the $200 they allegedly still owe her.
- Though she was an alt-nobody a few weeks ago, who entered public consciousness only because of that New York Observer profile written about her, she implies that the same paper who made the woman, the wo-myth, lacks journalistic integrity for not reaching her for comment.
- Then she gives a flirty “What’s up?” to Gawker as though she wants to give the blog which has given her the most press a mouth-handjob. Guess you can’t say homegirl’s totally ungrateful!
I don’t know about you, but I’m totally ready to let this crazazy chick–once she’s served her time, of course–crash on my couch, drink all my booze, and steal my iPhone, just to hear the charming, twisted, trisyllabic random shit that comes out of her mouth, true or untrue.
That is, so long as she stops posing for photos like this. (A samurai sword? Really?)
Filed under: Branding Geniuses, Crazy Bitches, Criminals, Death to Hipsters, Hipster Grifter Arrested, Hot Dogs, Internet Famous, Kari Farrell Hipster Grifter, Kari Ferrell, Memes, Mouth Handjobs, Samurai Swords
To the people who developed RapeLay–a dark, first person Japanese video game that simulates the stalking, groping, and raping of two women and a girl in a subway, park, and bedroom–we feel sorry for you. You are sick, sad, twisted, violent, pathetic, low, inhuman, ugly fucks.
And if we ever meet you, we will chop your fucking dicks off.
Filed under: Chopping Dicks Off, Criminals, Cultural Lows, disgusting, Humanity Lows, Japanese Video Games, Rape Ain't Sexy, Rape Simulator Game, RapeLay, This Makes Us Hate Life, Unfunny Stuff, Victims
Wuh-oh. Can somebody please tell the increasingly pugnacious Brittanya that spitting on someone is not only considered unladylike, but possibly Assault?
Brittanya’s last name is, O’Campo, which could identify her as Spanish, Mexican, or Filipina–but after these crazy-ass shenanigans, I can’t help but pray she ain’t the latter. I just don’t know if I could deal with this gnarly bird being one of us one of us one of Rock of Love us.
Filed under: Assault and Battery, Brittanya, Brittanya O'Campo, Criminals, Ethnic Identificasian, Fighting, Girl Fights, Illegalities, Not One of Us, One of Us One of Us One of Us, Rock of Love, Rock of Love Bus
TMZ just discovered that Joe Son, the actor who played Dr. Evil’s henchman Random Task in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery, has been linked to an unsolved, violent, Christmas Eve gang rape of an Orange County woman in 1990. Son is being charged with five felony counts of rape, two felony counts of forcible sodomy, two felony counts of sodomy in concert by force, seven felony counts of forcible oral copulation, and one felony count of sexual penetration by foreign object by force.
According to TMZ, Son was connected to the crime after pleading guilty for a non-violent felony offense:
Son pleaded guilty back in May to felony vandalism. The plea required him to fork over a DNA sample. Investigators ran his sample and found Son’s DNA connected him to an unsolved gang rape back in 1990, where a woman was pistol-whipped, raped, threatened with death and eventually blindfolded and released naked.
These offenses are revolting. If Son is found guilty, we would like to ask that he kindly step down as a member of the Asian race. After all, he sounds like no son of ours.
Gary Glitter will be released from a Vietnam prison later this month after serving a reduced 3-month sentence for molesting two 11-year old girls, after which, “it is his right to go anywhere he wants,” reports Reuters.
3 months? I’ve been grounded longer for a B+ average. Since when are our people going soft on crime? Last night, my Hardass Asian Landlord gave me a verbal lashing–for breaking a window with a water balloon– so harsh and intense that for a moment I felt I was actually his spawn, and had been caught doing crack, out of a used pipe, with a married man inside of me, in an Atlanta whorehouse… and I wasn’t the least surprised.
Asians go easy on no one. Not husbands, not children, not employees, not opponents in war, not friends.
Why the fuck should we change that modus operandi for a platform-wearing pedophile?? Roast the fucker! Send him to the VC tunnels! Do I need to come over there with my dad and show how it’s done??
Thanks, Jasmine and Maris!