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Why Did I Just Spend Two Hours Examining Nude Photos of Vanessa Hudgens?

August 6th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Back in late 2007, there was a lot of speculation about when the first set of leaked nude photos of tween icon Vanessa Hudgens were actually shot. Frankly, I believed her story: they were 3-year old snaps from roughly 2003, taken and once sent to her high school boyfriend (shockingly, if you did the math, this made her out to be about 14 or 15 in the shots). The ex was a bit of a bastard, and eventually got his jollies by disseminating the sexy pictures across the interwebz. Because she was so young, I felt reallyreallyreally almost-pedophil-icky just glancing at the images (the link above is to censored versions)–after all, Hudgens was essentially a child in them. A nude child, a famous nude child lacking judgment, and indeed a ripening sexual being, but a child nonetheless.

So I basically gave her a pass. No, it wasn’t a good idea to take those pictures of herself, but for chrissake, don’t we all do a bunch of stupid things when we’re kids? How smart can you actually be at 14 when half your brain is jelly and the other hormones? There’s no such thing as foresight at that time. Instead, I felt the blame was on us, grown-up people with nothing better to do than avoid our jobs by scouring gossip blogs and leer over dirty pictures of Disney stars. Pathetic. Icky. Shameful.

But it looks like Ms. Hudgens now faces another photo scandal, this time with nude and semi-nude photos recently hacked from her Blackberry. Lots of ‘em.

Tsk, Tsk

Does she get another pass? Perhaps not this time.

People in Hudgens’s camp apparently claim that these photos are as old or even older than the originals, but I’m not so sure. As you can probably see, her body shape has toned and matured significantly. The cheeks once adorably swollen with baby fat–quite evident in the original photos, seem oh-so-sinewy and adult in the latest. The glossy blowouts of her glamorous locks are consistent with her look of the last couple of years. And the black RAZR phone that she captures in this number:

Like, forever ago

…wasn’t released to special folks, like Hollywood stars, until mid-to-late 2005, and really saw its heyday from 2006 to 2007.

Then there’s that belly-button ring, which she apparently got in 2007, prominent in so many of the pictures. Hunh.

I’m not saying that these photos are from last week. But I am saying that I’m not buying this jazz about how Hudgens made one mistake six years ago, and it was one she never repeated.

Why does this bother me so much? Maybe because I’m convinced these pictures really have been living on Hudgen’s SIM card for a while. And for the life of me, I cannot understand why.

I absolutely, positively need to know why the MySpace generation, even its celebrity icons, are so desperate to document their goody-goods in easily sharable formats.

It’s not like these people don’t understand that we live in the shadow of Big Brother. He will find you, with his lipstick security camera or Flip cam or cameraphone, pissing yourself at a party or screwing somebody else’s boyfriend, whether you’re famous or not. Yes, once upon a time, a picture was just a picture–and if you destroyed the print, the film, and any potential Xeroxes you were in pretty good shape. Today, if you so much as think about attending a party, there’s already a photo of you there tagged on Facebook; its file remnants, regardless of what you do, forever living somewhere entangled within their intellectual property policy.

We as a people are becoming too well-documented. Pictures are too easy to take. I have about 60 photos in an album from my entire childhood; I’ve got 40 new pictures on my Blackberry of myself next to a super weird dog I met at a coffee shop last week. Put to record far more often, young celebrities are immortalized in thousands of photographs every day–they even enjoy the benefits of Photoshop–why in fuck’s sake would they need more? And why do they always take pics that are reminiscent of amateur video porn?

It disappoints me. And it frightens the hell out of me (Note to my womb: no future baby ever to be built in there will be given a cameraphone for Christmas). It’s yet another reminder that the up-and-coming stars of today aren’t like those in Hollywood’s golden years–those people with so much talent and presence and spark and “a certain something” that they simply needed to be harnessed and put on film–they’re just a bunch of kids that need attention, just like everybody else.

In the end, I still feel pretty icky about looking at the racy Hudgens photos. But perhaps now for a different reason.

[via Popcrunch]
[E! Online: Hudgens - The Real Story on Latest Nude Pics]
[OK!: Source Confirms Vanessa Hudgens Nude Pics are Real, and Real Old]

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Pretty Spitty

June 23rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Some dude on “China’s eBay,” Taobao.com, was apparently banned from selling his product: a tonic composed of saliva taken from pretty girls, after complaints from Taobao users caught the attention of the site’s higher-ups.


Listen, we don’t have any issues with pretty girls (um, my caveat list for the preceding statement is too long to include here), but c’mon, creepos, spit is fucking disgweesting. We don’t want a drop of it landing on our nose when somebody’s talking to us, a big wad of it on the ground when we walk through the park, or a gloopy mess of it in our entree because our dinner mate insulted our waitress. Fuck spit. Fuck it.

But that isn’t what bothers us so much. The thought of somebody ordering a bottle of that bodily ick, paying the shipping and handling, sending over the PayPal amount, anxiously waiting days by the mailbox for the package to arrive, and then opening that package OF SPIT… that makes us sad.

Like, really, really, really, really sad.

Thank bejeezus nobody bought one.

[via Lemondrop]

Thanks, Cecil!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Mary Kay LeTourneau

May 22nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


WHAT UP Y’ALL! I’M INVITING YOU TO THA SEXXXIEST WEEKLY PARTY OF THA YEEARRRRRR!!! HOT DJZ, HOT LADIEZ, HOT BEATZ, ICE-COLD MUTHAFUCKIN’ COCKTAILZ! IT’S HOT FOR TEACHER NIGHT AT THA FUEL SPORTS BAR–WASHINGTON STATE’Z MOST EXCLUSIVE NIGHT SPOT! LADIEZ WEAR YOUR CLASSROOM FINEST, AND GUYZ WHO R BAD WILL GET THEMSELVEZ SPANKKKED! DRESS TO IMPRESS… $10 JOINT COVER $5 FUEL… STARTS AT 9:30PM SO COME EARLY TO AVOID LINEZ!

Oh…right. One more thing: This week’s bonanza will be hosted by Mary Kay LeTourneau, the creepiest child rapist (with the wackass-est hair), like, EVER. And her former sixth-grader–oops, HUSBAND–will be spinning tracks as well.

Um.

Yeah. We vomited, too.

[People: Mary Kay Letourneau to Host 'Hot Teacher Night']
[Komo News: Mary K. Letourneau Hosts 'Hot Teacher' Night]

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Hole-y Sh*t, Is That a Magic Asian?

May 1st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I’ve been really, really excited-like, all week long, since I found out that Asians are magic.

SO excited that I started seeking out magical proof of our Asian magical magicness, and actually–or perhaps magically–stumbled on a video of cute magical Asian gal doing an actual magic trick!!

Let’s check it out!

Um.

I. Um.

Don’t think I like magic so much anymore.

Time to go practice the violin or something.

[DP: Tongue piercing may negatively impact dental health]

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