You are currently browsing posts tagged with Crazy Bitches

DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Tila Tequila, Twitter Quitter-Quitter

February 4th, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Jen

After quitting Twitter Monday, citing the need “2 TAKE CARE OF MY BABY” and claiming that her time on the social network had “run it’s [sic] course,” Tila Tequila rejoined early Thursday, Radar Online reports.

This time around, however, Tila’s page is “secret.” Like, tippity Top Secret. Like Classified Information secret. Like I’d-tell-you-but-I’d-have-to-kill-you secret. Her reasoning being, as she Tweeted on her new “secret” page, to keep out the “filthy haters” and “Media peeps.”

Continue reading DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Tila Tequila, Twitter Quitter-Quitter

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Best-Of-Craigslist: “Teach Me How To Kiss”

February 2nd, 2010 | 12 comments | Posted by Jen

Usually, we let the postings from best-of-craigslist that we reprint here speak for themselves. But this one really demands a close reading:

1. “I need a guy to teach me how to kiss.”

Um, no, you don’t. Cuz the thing is, guys in general rank way down on the list of “Great Teachers of the Art of Make-Outage,” behind “Neve Campbell and Denise Richards in Wild Things,” “your favorite stuffed animal,” and “horny Shih-Tzus.” If you really want to learn how to kiss, go to a bar and buy two shots of Patrón, one for you, and one for some slutty-looking drunk chick who you’ll soon be playing tonsil hockey with until she passes out and/or throws up in her purse.

2. “Ideally, it shouldn’t last longer than five minutes, seeing as how most guys creep me the fuck out.”

Continue reading Best-Of-Craigslist: “Teach Me How To Kiss”

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

May 21st, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Goddamn, Naomi. You are one crazy bitch–a HOT, crazy bitch, but a crazy bitch nonetheless.

You turn 39 this week, and you know what? You’ve always been good at looking good, and you can rest assured that you’re still doing that.

So have a happy birthday tomorrow! Please try not to hurt anyone.

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The Hipster Grifter: It’s a Thin Line Between Love and Hate

May 4th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

A few weeks ago, we made Kari Ferrell, aka The Hipster Grifter, DISGRASIAN of the Weak. We did so with some ambivalence, because, really, who gives a fuck if some chick ripped off a coupla hipsters? Especially when she was giving away mouth-handjobs to ‘em like ice cream during a summer day power outage?

The update to Kari is that early Monday morning, she turned herself in and is currently in police custody in Philly. But not before she set the record straight on Friday with ANIMAL, granting them a photo shoot and a video confessional, thus extending her 15 minutes of fame/muse-dom/memetic dominance/internet famous-ness/being the blogosphere’s darling:

Here’s what I love about this video:

  1. The girl with $60,000 in outstanding warrants–as a result of forged checks, bad checks, and retail theft–has the audacity to publicly chasten her former employer, Vice magazine, for the $200 they allegedly still owe her.

  2. Though she was an alt-nobody a few weeks ago, who entered public consciousness only because of that New York Observer profile written about her, she implies that the same paper who made the woman, the wo-myth, lacks journalistic integrity for not reaching her for comment.
  3. Then she gives a flirty “What’s up?” to Gawker as though she wants to give the blog which has given her the most press a mouth-handjob. Guess you can’t say homegirl’s totally ungrateful!

I don’t know about you, but I’m totally ready to let this crazazy chick–once she’s served her time, of course–crash on my couch, drink all my booze, and steal my iPhone, just to hear the charming, twisted, trisyllabic random shit that comes out of her mouth, true or untrue.

That is, so long as she stops posing for photos like this. (A samurai sword? Really?)

[ANIMAL: Meet the Hipster Grifter: ANIMAL Spends the Night With Kari Ferrell]

Thanks, Irwin!

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Dominasiantrix

March 27th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

This week in Fairfield, CT, 37 year-old Helen Sun attempted to reconcile with her husband Robert Drawbough by handcuffing herself to him as he slept and then biting him all over his body.

Helen Sun: I Like it Rough

Listen to Drawbough’s desperate 911 call:

Poor Helen…doesn’t she know people pay good money for that shit?

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Crazy Hong Kong Airport Lady

February 20th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

By now, unless you’re living in a cave without WiFi, you’ve seen the Crazy Hong Kong Airport Lady Fuh-Reak-Out on YouTube, along with–at present count–4.2 million other people.

When we first saw this, Diana was like, “Do you have any idea what she’s saying?”

And I was like, “Dude. I don’t speak Cantonese. But more importantly, those are not word-sounds coming out of her mouth. That lady is straight-up falling down.”

It seems kinda mean to call out a crazy lady, doesn’t it? And lord knows, we’ve all lost our shit at the airport, which we’re certain would be designated a ring of hell if Dante were alive today. But here’s where Crazy Hong Kong Airport Lady screwed up.

If you’re this prone to epic panic attacks–and we speak from personal experience–you ALWAYS WITHOUT EXCEPTION REMEMBER TO BRING DRUGS ON YOUR PERSON. ESPECIALLY TO THE AIRPORT. We’re talking Valium, Ativan, Xanax, Klonopin, and any other medication whose generic name ends in “azepam” that you would then chase down with a watery, airport lounge Bloody Mary. If you can’t remember that one itty-bitty detail, you really are useless. Except to 4.2 million people, all of whom are laughing at you.

Which serves some kind of purpose, we suppose.

*shrugs*

*pops pills ending in “azepam”*

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

February 19th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy 76th birthday to Yoko Ono!

On this occasion, we shall celebrate in haiku.

Oh, Yoko!
So old yet your skin is young–
You love peace.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Marriage Liberasian

January 29th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The ink is barely dry on la divorce, but it looks like somebody has already moved on…


**Disclaimer**: This Craiglist ad is, er, probably not real. But, um, God bless you if you needed us to tell you that.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Elisabeth Hasselbeck (Needs A Punt to the Hasselcrack)

December 5th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Elisabeth Hasselbeck,

As much as your existence drains and sickens me, I often don’t have time to deal with you. What on earth would I do that for? I don’t like The View. I don’t like your face. I don’t enjoy wasting my Thanksgiving, totally bored, watching your brother-in-law’s loser football team choke like boring chickens under the Cowboys. Ultimately, talking to the poster child for starry-eyed, jingoist Conservatives is one pointless thing, dealing with your brand of pouty, petulant, nasal-voiced, ill-informed, ignorant mommies quite another–but both? At the same time? Hell no. Please do not sign me up for that futile afternoon activity.

So, not to put too much effort into thinking about you today, but it occurs to me after watching you slur your way through an insult of Deepak Chopra this week (video above)–flippantly telling him to “go light a bowl of insense”–that I actually do have something to say to you, after all.

GO FUCK YOURSELF. HARD. IN THE ANUS.

That is all.

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