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DNC Updasian: In Search of Crap

August 26th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I spent quite a lot of time yesterday looking for tchotchkes to document my visit to the DNC, and between the McCain flip-flops and Obama plushies, there certainly was a lot of worthless shit!

Today, though, my goal was to get a sighting of the infamous “crap cannon,” a tool that local police apparently have on deck to shoot at protesters (Has tazing already gone out of style? When did that happen?) to stop them in their peace-disturbing tracks.

The crap cannon holds an almost mystical quality out there in the ether. Nobody really seems to know what it looks like, or, for that matter if it truly exists. But I believe it does exist. And I want to see it.

Ergo, in pursuit of the cannon I’ve lingered (perhaps suspiciously) past all of the many, many, many police officers trolling the streets of downtown Denver, eying their fancy accoutrement (which include large, plastic gadgets that look like a hybrid of handcuffs and a twist-tie, as well as those out-of-style tazers, and some unidentified black objects that look they could be crap cannons, but y’know, I just can’t be sure) as they eye me for bombs.

So far, I’ve been too nervous to ask anybody: “Hey, do you have a crap cannon? Can I take a picture of it for my blog?” Even more so after witnessing one of the single most frightening visions I’ve ever seen this afternoon:


Ignore the rad biker; that’s my new pal Brian. But next to the black Camry you’ll see the DNC’s flack jacketed brigade, which travels along the streets on the exterior of a fast-moving SUV–like puppies hanging off a bitch’s teat–all day long.

Holy shitakes!

I’m pretty sure the SUV doesn’t have people inside.

I’m pretty sure that inside is a crap cannon.

THE SEARCH CONTINUES. I’M SCARED BUT WILL NOT REST UNTIL I FIND THAT PIECE OF CRAP CANNON.

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Thanks, Brian!

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Action Hiros

April 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Mezco Toyz is releasing Heroes action figures this June, and Toys ‘R’ Us is exclusively offering the cheerleader and the wacky Japanese dude who throws his fists up in the air when excited.

Hilo really have to go. Must get out of Time Square, teleport to future or medieval Japan. Ooooh. Aaaaaaaah. Concentrate, Hilo. Must save world, but first, must find…arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh….eeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh….

Shit. I just clapped my pants.“

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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What Rhymes with Mookie?

April 26th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Mookie Lee, Survivor: Fiji castoff and Yul Kwon, Survivor: Cook Islands winner

Stranded on a Pacific isle, Mookie went from hero to zero in a few short weeks, mostly because he and his buddy Alex couldn’t outwit a cheerleading coach named “Dreamz.” Without optometric assistance, I could almost mistake Mookie, who was voted off Survivor tonight, for Yul Kwon, last season’s winner. But then I put on my glasses…


…and realize that I’ve got to book an appointment with Dr. Hyman (real name, I swear), because I am really freakin’ near-sighted.

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