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1. “I need a guy to teach me how to kiss.”
Um, no, you don’t. Cuz the thing is, guys in general rank way down on the list of “Great Teachers of the Art of Make-Outage,” behind “Neve Campbell and Denise Richards in Wild Things,” “your favorite stuffed animal,” and “horny Shih-Tzus.” If you really want to learn how to kiss, go to a bar and buy two shots of Patrón, one for you, and one for some slutty-looking drunk chick who you’ll soon be playing tonsil hockey with until she passes out and/or throws up in her purse.
2. “Ideally, it shouldn’t last longer than five minutes, seeing as how most guys creep me the fuck out.”
Is this Best of Craigslist ad creepy? Adorable? Creepily adorable?
What we can say for sure is that this Craigslister is serious. Once again, we repeat, serious. And if you can show this guy a portfolio of your work, “it will probably give you an edge in the competition.”
Presuming, uh, there is competition for this kinda work.
The ink is barely dry on la divorce, but it looks like somebody has already moved on…
To see the original Craigslist post, click here.