You are currently browsing posts tagged with Conspiracy Theories

Glenn Beck On Why Doing Good Is Oh-So Bad

October 24th, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Glenn Beck continues to uncover the ugly truth about the Obama administration’s dastardly plots to change this home of the free and land of the brave into… “Mao’s China.

Dissenters, prepare to be tortured for pleasure, thrown into war, tossed into labor camps, and–if you’re lucky–chased out of the country.

Where does the totalitarian state of America begin? Apparently, with volunteerism–which should most certainly not be encouraged by influentials or public figures or leaders of any sort, because that’s propaganda, y’know, like in Mao’s China–where Disney also offered people free passes for a day of good-doing.

Beck argues that volunteering is only good if a person wanted to do it anyway. And even though most of us in his “most generous” America are selfish fucks–who don’t want to pay for our peers’ health care, weep at the thought of losing a tax break, guzzle as much gas/grease/booze as will fit into our bloated lives, and don’t care that this country is burning down to the ground while taking each one of us fat, egocentric, xenophobic, ignoramuses down with it–the most important thing in these tough times is that not to lift this country to a better place, but to assure that nobody’s makin’ us do fuckin’ nothin’ (Ya hear me, Obama?!!?)!!! Especially nothin’ good. Or fer free.


But that’s missing the point! We’re talking about Mao’s China here! Which is something to make light of, like Beck’s little stage friend here:


[Examiner: Glenn Beck Says Volunteerism Is 'Like Living In Mao's China']

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David Carradine Killed by Secret Martial Arts Society?

June 9th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Okay, so the story surrounding David Carradine’s death just got weirder. Last Friday, attorney Mark Geragos, who was hired by the Carradine family, implied on Larry King Live that Carradine may have been killed because he was “investigating…secret (martial arts) societies.”

And who knows? Maybe Carradine getting killed by a secret kung-fu sect is true. Maybe it’s another case of Geragos saying shocking things about one of his clients, like when he called Michael Jackson “a wonderful father.” Maybe this theory sounds strangely like the plot summary of The Last Sect (2006), a Carradine flick that wasn’t actually martial arts-related:

The picture unfolds at a point when the last vampire sect of the title sits perched on the rim of utter extinction, with no fresh blood in sight. An apocalyptic battle between the clan’s sexy leader, Anna (Odell), and Van Helsing (Carradine), an ace vampire hunter, has rolled on for centuries. Now, when threatened with the possibility of wasting away, Anna and her cronies begin to come out of hiding by setting up a vampiric dating website that will lure in unassuming young men and women. The site immediately attracts a rabid following; suspicious and somewhat skeptical news reporter Sydney (Madison-Brown) launches her own investigation, unaware that she is being set up as a target for the bloodsuckers. Mesmerized by Anna’s hypnotic power, Sydney loses all traces of her own free will and becomes something of a puppet for the vamp. Carradine races in to save her and slay Anna — but time is running out.

Or maybe this is a case of oversharing on Geragos’s part that totally undermines an otherwise legitimate claim that there may have been foul play involved in Carradine’s death.

Just a “theory.”

Thanks, Jasmine!

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What’s the D-Il with Kim Jong Il?

September 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Would a dead man wear such bitchin’ sunglasses?

First we hear that Kim Jong Il has been dead since 2003. Then we hear he had an incapacitating stroke, a fact that North Korea denied today. So what gives? And more importantly, who’s minding the nukes right now?

Thanks, Andrew!

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Knut is Cute and Yan Yan is Yesterday’s News

March 28th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

“The euphoria around Berlin Zoos celebrity polar bear cub showed no sign of abating on Wednesday as a music label released a single called “Knut is Cute.”

Pool Music has already sold 3,000 CDs priced at just under 6 euros ($8.01) each but faces tough competition from up to twelve competitors who have been circulating bear-related songs on the Internet.” (Reuters)



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Cute Contest: Fought to the Death

March 27th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

This just in from

“With the eyes of the world on “Cute Knut” the polar bear cub, one of Berlin zoo’s other main attractions, a 22-year-old female panda named Yan Yan, died unexpectedly on Monday, the zoo said.

Yan Yan, meaning “beautiful” in Chinese, had lived at the zoo in the German capital since 1995 and was found dead Monday despite having shown no signs of being ill. Life expectancy for pandas is normally around 34.

Yan Yan was sent to Berlin in the hope that she would produce offspring with the zoo’s mascot Bao Bao, who at 26 is the world’s oldest panda in captivity, but she died without bearing cubs.”

Below is the transcript from the LAST KNOWN CONVERSATION between Yan Yan and Knut:

Knut: Ziss is zee best! All eyes on me! Woo-hoo! Ziss is my belly!

Yan Yan: I remember when I was your age. Not a worry in the world. No expectations, no boyfriends, just life.

Knut: Ich bin ein Polar Bear! Let me lick your face!

Yan Yan: I mean, what’s so great about Bao Bao? Bao Bao has bad breath. Bao Bao is stupid. Bao Bao only likes to drink Coors Light and watch football.

Knut: I do not speakee your language. Ching-Chong, Ching-Chong!

Yan Yan: Hey! That’s some way to talk to an old woman!

Knut: You’re not my mother! Fick you!

Yan Yan: What did you just say? I oughta slap you upside the head with my paw.

Knut: Nanny nanny boo boo stick your head in doo doo.

Yan Yan: I don’t feel so good. Must be the IBS flaring up again.

Knut: A little birdie told me the poison takes twenty minutes. Haha! Look at my ding-dong!

Yan Yan: You. Little. Attention. Whore…

Knut: Bye-bye! Auf wiedersehen! Zai Jian!

Yan Yan: You…speak…Chinese?

Knut: CHING-CHONG CHING-CHONG CHING-CHONG!!! Whee! Ich just peed my fur pants!

Source: Reuters, AP

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