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That ignorant windbag Pat Robertson’s theory as to why Haiti was struck by yesterday’s devastating 7.0 earthquake, which has tragically taken hundreds of thousands of lives, is not surprising: the country made a pact with the Devil to escape French colonialism, of course! (Crikey. Let’s not forget that this man and his evangelist buddy, Jerry Falwell, once blamed the 9/11 attacks on gays and the ACLU.)
And it’s hardly shocking the Rush Limbaugh discouraged Americans from contributing to relief efforts, at least those linked at the White House “propaganda” website:
Filed under: 7.0 Earthquake In Haiti, ACLU, Christmas Bomb Attempt, Colonialism, Conservatards, Conservative Pieces of Shit, Dead Babies Dead Children Dead People, Death Toll, FOX News is a Joke, Gays, Haiti, Haiti Earthquake, Human Suffering, Intel, Jerry Falwell, Pacts WIth The Devil, Pat Robertson, Politicizasian Of Tragedies, President Barack Obama, Propaganda, Race Dialogue, Red Cross, Relief, Rush Limbaugh, Sadness, The White House, This is Bullshit, Tragedy, Tragic Events
You never know, as garbage-feeding bloggers, whether or not you’ll get fucked by the wrong famous-for-nothing going sober or the world’s worst couple getting divorced. Will you run out of sordid news fodder? What might you have to complain about? Will your blogging career be downgraded to a month-long series of clever Facebook status updates and a few choice tweets? Oh lordy, the stress!
So it’s always good to know that the world will soon be hit by a fruitful period of shame, therefore guaranteeing you good work for months and months to come (dare I say it–years?).
Imagine my relief, friends, when I saw this breaking news today:
Phew. Phew, phew, phew. 2010 is going to be a busy year for DISGRASIAN!
To the angry, inflammatory, right-wing pundits (like Michelle Malkin and Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh), and all of the folks that are losing sleep over the fact that President Obama (gasp!) bowed while shaking the hand of Japanese Emperor Akihito…
…there’s a fascinating new concept we’d like to introduce to you called “SHOWING RESPECT.”
Filed under: Attitude, Change, Conservatards, Conservative Pundits, Controversy, Cultural Diplomacy, Emeror Akihito, Evolution, Global Warming, Japan, Michelle Malkin, President Barack Obama, Respeck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, The American Way, Uproar, World Relasians
On Monday, former NYPD detective, private investigator, and FOX News regular Bo Dietl went on Don Imus’s Imus in the Morning and managed to insult both Katie Couric and Asians in the span of a minute-and-a-half.
Take a look:
SUMMARY OF OFFENSES:
- “She’s got her eyes pulled so far, she’s starting to look Chinese herself.”
Look, as much as I’ve wanted Katie Couric to be an honorary member of the tribe since her thorough dismantling of Sarah Palin during the presidential campaign–which Palin’s still crying about–there’s no way that even I could say homegirl passes:
Filed under: Beau Dietl, Bo Dietl, Conservatards, Conservative Pieces of Shit, Don Imus, Douchebags, Fox News, Imus in the Morning, Katie Couric, Shock Jocks, Stop Using the Word Oriental, The Voice of Reason
HuffPo has culled together the
best-spelled worst of the worst protest signs from Michele Bachmann’s Tea Party yesterday, which was designed to “scare members of Congress” into voting against healthcare reform.
Our top three:
Filed under: American Idiots, Congress, Conservatards, Dubious Comparisons, Genocide, Health Care Bill Public Option, Healthcare, Healthcare Reform, Idiots, Jackholes, Mao Zedong, Michele Bachmann, Protests, Scary Shit, Sharing The Country, Tea Parties, The Holocaust, This is Bullshit, What The Hell Are These People Talking About?
The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute will release its fifth annual calendar this week, celebrating 2010′s “Great American Conservative Women.” Unlike last year’s “Pretty in Mink” calendar, this one is decidedly more recession-friendly, depicting all 12 women in white shirts and soft lighting.
As for the name of the 2010 calendar, I can only conclude it references the following:
“Great” as in hyperbole, as when calendar girl Michelle Malkin claimed an anti-Obama protest that took place in DC this month was attended by two million people, instead of the 70,000 estimated by the fire department.
“American” as in the opposite of “un-American,” an accusation Miss November Michelle Bachmann leveled at Barack Obama–and certain members of Congress–during his campaign.
And “Conservative” as in gay-hating and other civil rights-denying values, a mission newest calendar addition, Carrie Prejean, Miss October, claims God chose her to carry out.
In an attempt to counter the great Greatness, the American American-ness, and the Conservative Hatey-ness of this calendar, HuffPo is putting together a “Great American Liberal Women” Calendar of its own.
The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute’s official Facebook Fan Page seems dubious about this counterpunch, however, judging by the wall post they put up on Monday at 1:04 pm:
Yes, it does in fact read: “The Huffington Post is trying to make a “Great American LIBERAL Women” calendar. This might be difficult considering their women look like men *cough*rachelmaddow*cough*.”
Stay classy, you great women, you.
Filed under: 2010 Great American Conservative Women Calendar, Ann Coulter, Carrie Prejean, Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute Calendar, Classy People, Conservatards, Michelle Bachmann, Michelle Malkin
I get a sick kind of thrill watching tea party footage on YouTube (same feeling washes over me when listening to my cousins lamely rant about Obama being a socialist, while unable to accurately define the word “socialism”). This week’s March on Washington was no exception–the ultimate assemblage of loud, confusing folks, touting clever catch phrases like “Fire Those Wacky Czars” and “Thank You Glenn Beck,” and protesting… well, just about everything.
Truth be told, I was rather unimpressed by most of the weekend protesterszzZZzZZz, who didn’t seem to bring anything really new or interesting to the tea party table!
But one guy from the selection above actually did catch my eye:
He got me thinking. I was like, OMG, I really struggle with learning languages. My Vietnamese is nil and my Spanish pretty spotty. How the fuck am I going to learn Chinese? We DEFINITELY need to stop the spending (whatever that means)!
But then I realized, if we DON’T stop the spending (whatever THAT means), maybe there’s a slim chance that at some point down the line, somebody might SPEND and BUY me Rosetta Stone for Mandarin. Then I could develop a sharp alternative speaking tongue! THEN Jen (who speaks Mandarin) and I (who will speak Mandarin) can trash annoying people (their outfits, their poor conversation skills, et cetera) with our secret language right in front of their face, whenever we want! How cool would that be?!?!?!? THEN I WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!
I wish I could tell that dude “thank you” for calmly presenting both options and helping me cement my position on learning Chinese. I’m into it! Guys, let’s DO it (whatever that means)!!
Filed under: Conservatards, Crappy Rallies, Glenn Beck, Government Spending, Learning Chinese, March On Washington, Missing the Point, Republicans, Silly Shit, Stuff and Nonsense, Tea Parties, Total Failures
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! G. Gordon Liddy Thinks Bill Clinton Brought Back a Dead Giant Panda and a Dick from North Korea
Poor Gordon Liddy. The 78 year-old Watergate mastermind appears to be losing his mind. On Wednesday, while most of the country was busy heralding the safe return of American journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling from North Korea–FOX News and other right-wing fearmongers being notable exceptions–Liddy announced on his radio show that “Ling-Ling and Wee-Wee…have been brought back by Bill Clinton to the United States.”
Now, Ling-Ling was one of the two giant pandas (pictured with her mate Hsing-Hsing) given to the U.S. by China following President Nixon’s historic visit there in 1972. You know, the same president that Liddy served under and served time for. It’s only natural to assume, then, that Liddy is suffering from moderate dementia–symptoms of which include “forgetting names and faces” and “remembering events from the past as though they are the present”–and that’s why he’s confusing Laura Ling with Ling-Ling, a giant panda who died in 1992.
And we all know what a Wee-Wee is. (Lady Gaga even has one, evidently!) But why Liddy would conflate Euna Lee with a dick is beyond us. Perhaps he’s been playing with his own wee-wee a bit too much lately?
Which would mean Liddy’s brain is not only degenerating, it’s moving rapidly from moderate to severe dementia, symptoms of which include…”uncontrollable movements.“
Like we said, poor Gordon Liddy.
Marcus Epstein should know by now: Shame never dies.
After all: shame, disappointment in self, feelings of failure and a deep sense of self-loathing (shocker of the century: Epstein is half-Jewish, half-Korean) are apparently what drove the former Tom Tancredo speechwriter into a deep depression during 2007, according to Team America head Bay Buchanan. As Buchanan explains, the depression eventually led him to the drink, and it is in a deep state of inebriasian that the following occurred:
“On July 7, 2007, at approximately 7:15 p.m. at Jefferson and M Street, Northwest, in Washington, D.C., defendant [Marcus Epstein] was walking down the street making offensive remarks when he encountered the complainant, Ms. [REDACTED], who is African-American. The defendant uttered, ‘Nigger,’ as he delivered a karate chop to Ms. [REDACTED]’s head.”
Ah, hate crimes–it’s always the alcohol and aversions to failure, isn’t it?
Though he pled guilty in early 2008, Epstein will not receive sentencing until July 8 of this year. He likely thought this episode was almost entirely behind him–but the story surfaced when that longtime boss of his started flapping his jaws about how Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor “appears to be a racist.” Um, those hanging out with their Jewsian pals in glass houses…
Talk about failures–we can’t think of an easier bid for being a big, fucking failure than being a violent, racist, conservatard inmate. Ick. We just really wish Epstein would disappear, because he’s giving Jews and Asians alike a bad name.
(Then again, he seems to be doing the same for Tancredo, so maybe it’s all a push, eh?)
Filed under: A Fucking Karate Chop?, Bay Buchanan, Conservatards, Failure, Fuckers, Hate Crimes, Jewsians, Marcus Epstein, Racial Slurs, Racists, Shame Spirals, Sonia Sotomayor, This is Bullshit, Tom Tancredo
What’s wrong with this picture? Nothing, if you believe Michelle Malkin, who posed for it at an anti-stimulus rally in Denver this week. If you have a problem with the swastika, you’re just being “hypersensitive,” according to her.
So quit your bitchin’, you emo, touchy-feely liberals. It’s just a swastika. It never hurt nobody!
As much as your existence drains and sickens me, I often don’t have time to deal with you. What on earth would I do that for? I don’t like The View. I don’t like your face. I don’t enjoy wasting my Thanksgiving, totally bored, watching your brother-in-law’s loser football team choke like boring chickens under the Cowboys. Ultimately, talking to the poster child for starry-eyed, jingoist Conservatives is one pointless thing, dealing with your brand of pouty, petulant, nasal-voiced, ill-informed, ignorant mommies quite another–but both? At the same time? Hell no. Please do not sign me up for that futile afternoon activity.
So, not to put too much effort into thinking about you today, but it occurs to me after watching you slur your way through an insult of Deepak Chopra this week (video above)–flippantly telling him to “go light a bowl of insense”–that I actually do have something to say to you, after all.
GO FUCK YOURSELF. HARD. IN THE ANUS.
That is all.
Looking for a calendar to keep track of your social commitments in 2009? Forget Pirelli and its nudish, high fashion models photographed in Africa by Peter Beard. Look no further than the Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute’s “Pretty in Mink” calendar, celebrating “smart, conservative women role models” like Ann “Total Fag” Coulter and Michelle “In Defense of Internment” Malkin. These paragons of intelligence and good sense have been styled like stars of a bygone era, “back when the big screen was a little more glamorous, women were a little more feminine, the men a little more charming—and the world a little less politically correct,” i.e. a Glamour Shots mall outpost circa the late 80′s. In a word–awesome.
I’ve only got one bone to pick with this calendar, and that is its gussying up of Malkin in a mink coat. I get that that is the conceit of this beauteous must-have object. And I have no issue with fur, as a vintage ocelot coat hangs in my closet that I would wear more if I didn’t live in southern California and if I wasn’t so afraid some deranged PETA vegan would throw a tofu pie at it.
I just don’t understand why someone would skin scores of rodent-like creatures (35 to 65 on average) only to outfit another. Doesn’t make sense really.