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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Chuck Norris
Happy birthday to Chuck Norris, who turned 70 this week!
We’re not sure how someone who actually knew the late great Bruce Lee and came into contact with his philosophical deepness could become such an anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-science, fearmongering toolbag…
…but no one’s perfect, right Chuck?
From the Top 50 Chuck Norris Facts:
When you say “no one’s perfect,” Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.
Filed under: Black Belts, Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris Abortion, Chuck Norris Evolution, Chuck Norris Facts, Chuck Norris Gay Marriage, Conservatards, Karate, Martial Artists, Martial Arts, Tae Kwon Do, Tang Soo Do, Way of the Dragon
Sure, Two Wrongs Don’t Make Right-Wing…
The 2010 Conservative Political Action Conference, affectionally known as CPAC, is under way as we speak in our nation’s capital.
Conservationists. No wait, Conservatives.
In today’s update on the conference goings-on, HuffPo pulled this choice quote from Jason Mattera of the Young America’s Foundation:
“Our notion of freedom doesn’t consist of snorting cocaine, which distinguishes us from Barack Obama.”
Oh ho ho ho ho! ZING!
Can’t help but wonder, though: does the conservative notion of freedom include driving drunk, getting arrested, and gobbling pharmaceutical heroin? Just wondering.
(Cock-sure commenters, we know that everybody’s parsing words. But this shit is seriously SO SILLY.)
Filed under: Alcoholics, Arrests, Bad Jokes, Cocaine, Coke, Conservatards, Conservative Pieces of Shit, Conservative Political Action Conference, Conservatives, CPAC, CPAC 2010, Drunks, George W. Bush Dick Cheney and Rush Limbaugh Are All Addicts, Huffington Post, Jason Mattera, Opiates, Oxycontin, Rehab, Rush Limbaugh Addiction, Rush Limbaugh Is A Junkie, Young America's Foundation
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Yeh Ling-Ling, Immigrant-Hater
Last week, during his kickoff speech at the first National Teabagger Tea Party Convention, former congressman Tom Tancredo called for voters to take civics literacy tests and suggested President Obama only got elected because the U.S. doesn’t require them.
“People who could not even spell the word ‘vote,’ or say it in English, put a committed socialist idealogue in the White House, name is Barack Hussein Obama,” Tancredo said.
Tancredo, a one-note anti-immigration advocate, got a partner-in-hysteria this week when Yeh Ling-Ling, executive director of the creepy-sounding Alliance for a Sustainable USA–a non-profit that champions an outright immigration moratorium and couches its anti-immigration agenda in more palatable terms such as “environmentalism” and being for “social coherence”–came out in support of the idea.
Ms. Yeh, wouldn’t you know, is herself an immigrant several times over. From a 2004 Sierra magazine–as in The Sierra Club–profile:
Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Yeh Ling-Ling, Immigrant-Hater
Filed under: Anti-Immigration, Beans and Ricism, Civics Literacy Test, Conservatards, Haters, Immigrant Haters, Immigrants, Immigration Reform, National Tea Party Convention, Ricism, Tea Party Conventions, Tom Tancredo
BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Sarah Palin
Happy birthday to Sarah Palin, who turns 46 today!
Age ain’t nothin’ but a number, right?
Here are some other numbers to chew on on this special occasion (cuz we’re Asian, and we love math):
Continue reading BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Sarah Palin
Filed under: Age Ain't Nothin' But a Number, Conservatards, FOX News is a Joke, Going Rogue, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin 2012, Sarah Palin Birthday, Sarah Palin FOX News, Sarah Palin Is Not Qualified To Be President, Sarah Palin Unqualified
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! That Nerdy Little O’Keefe Gang
Early twenty-something boys don’t catch a lot of breaks, it’s true. Sure, they’ve started wearing ties to work–but they’re still making coffee. They spend dinner on the couch with $5 footlongs, a bong, the roommate who shits twice as much and never buys toilet paper. They have unexplainable indoor furniture (1980s rolling desk, black entertainment stand, armless teal fabric La-Z-Boy knockoff) on their outdoor balcony. Their early twenty-something ex-girlfriend is now (joyfully) screwing a thirty-something with a tastefully furnished starter house and an Audi.
Ah, dude life after college.
So there’s a part of me that understands why the four guys in the “O’Keefe Gang” (that little nickname is just so adowwable) dressed up as telephone company workers to tap Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu’s federal building phones (no, they did not crib this saucy ploy from a Martin Lawrence film), in hopes of embarassing her and taking widespread Conservatard credit for it–typically the kind of instant notariety that only causing a public smear of a non-profit fighting institutionalized disenfranchisement or creating the world’s biggest timesuck can earn you. They wanted to be important! They wanted to count for something! AWW!
Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! That Nerdy Little O’Keefe Gang
Filed under: ACORN, Anti-Feminists, Conservatards, Flogging, Illegal Activities, James O'Keefe, Mary Landrieu, Penis Monologues, Pimp Costume, Sen. Mary Landrieu, The O'Keefe Gang, Whoopsieeee, William Flanagan Son, Wiretapping
The Politicizasian Of Suffering In Haiti
That ignorant windbag Pat Robertson’s theory as to why Haiti was struck by yesterday’s devastating 7.0 earthquake, which has tragically taken hundreds of thousands of lives, is not surprising: the country made a pact with the Devil to escape French colonialism, of course! (Crikey. Let’s not forget that this man and his evangelist buddy, Jerry Falwell, once blamed the 9/11 attacks on gays and the ACLU.)
And it’s hardly shocking the Rush Limbaugh discouraged Americans from contributing to relief efforts, at least those linked at the White House “propaganda” website:
Continue reading The Politicizasian Of Suffering In Haiti
Filed under: 7.0 Earthquake In Haiti, ACLU, Christmas Bomb Attempt, Colonialism, Conservatards, Conservative Pieces of Shit, Dead Babies Dead Children Dead People, Death Toll, FOX News is a Joke, Gays, Haiti, Haiti Earthquake, Human Suffering, Intel, Jerry Falwell, Pacts WIth The Devil, Pat Robertson, Politicizasian Of Tragedies, President Barack Obama, Propaganda, Race Dialogue, Red Cross, Relief, Rush Limbaugh, Sadness, The White House, This is Bullshit, Tragedy, Tragic Events
We’re Employed Through The Year! (Sarah Palin Joins Fox News)
You never know, as garbage-feeding bloggers, whether or not you’ll get fucked by the wrong famous-for-nothing going sober or the world’s worst couple getting divorced. Will you run out of sordid news fodder? What might you have to complain about? Will your blogging career be downgraded to a month-long series of clever Facebook status updates and a few choice tweets? Oh lordy, the stress!
So it’s always good to know that the world will soon be hit by a fruitful period of shame, therefore guaranteeing you good work for months and months to come (dare I say it–years?).
Imagine my relief, friends, when I saw this breaking news today:
Turn the volume down
Phew. Phew, phew, phew. 2010 is going to be a busy year for DISGRASIAN!
[CBS News: Sarah Palin Joining Fox News as Contributor]
Filed under: All the Wrong Career Moves, Bad for everyone, Bloggers, Conservatards, Fox News, FOX News is a Joke, Phew, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Is An Idiotic Cunt, Sarah Palin Pundit, Unemployment
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Obama Bow-cklash
To the angry, inflammatory, right-wing pundits (like Michelle Malkin and Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh), and all of the folks that are losing sleep over the fact that President Obama (gasp!) bowed while shaking the hand of Japanese Emperor Akihito…
…there’s a fascinating new concept we’d like to introduce to you called “SHOWING RESPECT.”
Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Obama Bow-cklash
Filed under: Attitude, Change, Conservatards, Conservative Pundits, Controversy, Cultural Diplomacy, Emeror Akihito, Evolution, Global Warming, Japan, Michelle Malkin, President Barack Obama, Respeck, Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, The American Way, Uproar, World Relasians
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Bo “Katie Couric Looks Oriental” Dietl
On Monday, former NYPD detective, private investigator, and FOX News regular Bo Dietl went on Don Imus’s Imus in the Morning and managed to insult both Katie Couric and Asians in the span of a minute-and-a-half.
Take a look:
SUMMARY OF OFFENSES:
- “She’s got her eyes pulled so far, she’s starting to look Chinese herself.”
Look, as much as I’ve wanted Katie Couric to be an honorary member of the tribe since her thorough dismantling of Sarah Palin during the presidential campaign–which Palin’s still crying about–there’s no way that even I could say homegirl passes:
Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Bo “Katie Couric Looks Oriental” Dietl
Filed under: Beau Dietl, Bo Dietl, Conservatards, Conservative Pieces of Shit, Don Imus, Douchebags, Fox News, Imus in the Morning, Katie Couric, Shock Jocks, Stop Using the Word Oriental, The Voice of Reason
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Bachmann Tea Party Signs
HuffPo has culled together the best-spelled worst of the worst protest signs from Michele Bachmann’s Tea Party yesterday, which was designed to “scare members of Congress” into voting against healthcare reform.
Our top three:
Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Bachmann Tea Party Signs
Filed under: American Idiots, Congress, Conservatards, Dubious Comparisons, Genocide, Health Care Bill Public Option, Healthcare, Healthcare Reform, Idiots, Jackholes, Mao Zedong, Michele Bachmann, Protests, Scary Shit, Sharing The Country, Tea Parties, The Holocaust, This is Bullshit, What The Hell Are These People Talking About?
Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute Puts Out Calendar, Believes Liberal Women "Look Like Men"
The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute will release its fifth annual calendar this week, celebrating 2010’s “Great American Conservative Women.” Unlike last year’s “Pretty in Mink” calendar, this one is decidedly more recession-friendly, depicting all 12 women in white shirts and soft lighting.
As for the name of the 2010 calendar, I can only conclude it references the following:
“Great” as in hyperbole, as when calendar girl Michelle Malkin claimed an anti-Obama protest that took place in DC this month was attended by two million people, instead of the 70,000 estimated by the fire department.
“American” as in the opposite of “un-American,” an accusation Miss November Michelle Bachmann leveled at Barack Obama–and certain members of Congress–during his campaign.
And “Conservative” as in gay-hating and other civil rights-denying values, a mission newest calendar addition, Carrie Prejean, Miss October, claims God chose her to carry out.
In an attempt to counter the great Greatness, the American American-ness, and the Conservative Hatey-ness of this calendar, HuffPo is putting together a “Great American Liberal Women” Calendar of its own.
The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute’s official Facebook Fan Page seems dubious about this counterpunch, however, judging by the wall post they put up on Monday at 1:04 pm:
Yes, it does in fact read: “The Huffington Post is trying to make a “Great American LIBERAL Women” calendar. This might be difficult considering their women look like men *cough*rachelmaddow*cough*.”
Stay classy, you great women, you.
[The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute]
[FOX News: "Great American Conservative Women" Calendar PICS]
[The Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute Facebook Fan Page]
Filed under: 2010 Great American Conservative Women Calendar, Ann Coulter, Carrie Prejean, Clare Boothe Luce Policy Institute Calendar, Classy People, Conservatards, Michelle Bachmann, Michelle Malkin
Tea Party Bonus: Learning Chinese
I get a sick kind of thrill watching tea party footage on YouTube (same feeling washes over me when listening to my cousins lamely rant about Obama being a socialist, while unable to accurately define the word “socialism”). This week’s March on Washington was no exception–the ultimate assemblage of loud, confusing folks, touting clever catch phrases like “Fire Those Wacky Czars” and “Thank You Glenn Beck,” and protesting… well, just about everything.
Some highlights:
Truth be told, I was rather unimpressed by most of the weekend protesterszzZZzZZz, who didn’t seem to bring anything really new or interesting to the tea party table!
But one guy from the selection above actually did catch my eye:
He got me thinking. I was like, OMG, I really struggle with learning languages. My Vietnamese is nil and my Spanish pretty spotty. How the fuck am I going to learn Chinese? We DEFINITELY need to stop the spending (whatever that means)!
But then I realized, if we DON’T stop the spending (whatever THAT means), maybe there’s a slim chance that at some point down the line, somebody might SPEND and BUY me Rosetta Stone for Mandarin. Then I could develop a sharp alternative speaking tongue! THEN Jen (who speaks Mandarin) and I (who will speak Mandarin) can trash annoying people (their outfits, their poor conversation skills, et cetera) with our secret language right in front of their face, whenever we want! How cool would that be?!?!?!? THEN I WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!
I wish I could tell that dude “thank you” for calmly presenting both options and helping me cement my position on learning Chinese. I’m into it! Guys, let’s DO it (whatever that means)!!
[WSJ: Angry, Polite 'Mob' Descends on D.C.]
Thanks, Marshall!
Filed under: Conservatards, Crappy Rallies, Glenn Beck, Government Spending, Learning Chinese, March On Washington, Missing the Point, Republicans, Silly Shit, Stuff and Nonsense, Tea Parties, Total Failures
