You are currently browsing posts tagged with Conservatards

Michelle Bachmann’s Got Jokes

February 10th, 2011 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Watch the speech Rep. Michelle Bachmann (R-MN) gave today at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), in which she pokes fun at her SOTU response gaffe, manages a pun on Chinese President Hu Jintao’s name that no one’s ever made before, and invites all of her college-aged groupies–some of whom are presumably underage–to “party hardy” with her later:

But, hey, at least Bachmann knows her math:

“There’s a difference between millions and billions. But there’s an even greater difference between billions and trillions.”

Mind is blown.

Because, seriously, Bachmann-as-the-Human-Calculator is pretty impressive, Continue reading Michelle Bachmann’s Got Jokes

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Newt Gingrich’s Pearl Harbor Values

December 7th, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Today marks the 69th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. And nothing says “honoring the dead” or “remembering the fallen” quite like… “BUY MY CRAPTASTICALLY WRITTEN HISTORICAL NOVELS.”

From the Twitter account of family values-valuer and one-man America-saving machine, Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich:

(And, hey, you can currently buy both of these books at the special discounted price of $10.09 at Newt’s Official Online Store! Take that, Radical Secular-Socialism!)

Gawker reports that Newt’s heartfelt Pearl Harbor remembrance has since been deleted. Now if only Newt, who’s considering a presidential run in 2012, could disappear as well.

[via Gawker]
[NY Times: An Assault on Hawaii. On Grammar Too. (Review of Gingrich's 'Pearl Harbor')]

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Make Your Own “Evil Chinese Professor” Parody [CONTEST]

October 25th, 2010 | 9 comments | Posted by Jen

Just in time for Halloween, fiscal conservative think-tank Citizens Against Government Waste (CAGW)–which has been tied to big tobacco and corrupt lobbyist Jack Abramoff–has released a campaign ad depicting a scary vision of the future in which the Chinese have taken over everything:

According to Ben Smith at Politico, the ad’s an homage to a 1986 Ridley Scott-directed ad that was paid for by CAGW’s founder, and it’s produced by Larry McCarthy, who also produced the 1988 Willie Horton ad that did considerable damage to Democrat Michael Dukakis’s presidential campaign by fueling white voters’ fear of black men.

But it’s 2010, and what Americans need to be afraid of is…China!

And we are afraid. We are VERY afraid.

So afraid that we want to make this ad less scary–and race-baiting and fear-mongering and just kinda baaaaad–and more fun. And that’s where we need your help. Campus Progress Action has already done their own parody, and we want to see yours. So we–along with 8Asians, Angry Asian Man, and Reappropriate–are making it a CONTEST. Because Asians love contests. Because Asians love to win. Which is why we’re taking over everything!

Here’s what you need to do:

Continue reading Make Your Own “Evil Chinese Professor” Parody [CONTEST]

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rush Limbaugh And His Fear Of A Green Planet

September 17th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

For those of you that haven’t yet had the chance to fall in love with the new Nissan LEAF commercial that Intern Jasmine posted on Wednesday, Rush Limbaugh’s description may suffice:

“If you didn’t see the commercial it is pathetic.  Al Gore coulda written the thing.  It starts out with a poor little polar bear barely surviving on a tiny little what is supposed to be melting glacier — which is common, ordinary practice, them on an ice floe. The polar bear can swim 60 miles. They go out there and they cool off on these things, sit in the sun on them.  Then it shows a distant glacier that the small little one had broken off from.  And then the polar bear swims and swims and swims and swims and finally gets to the iceberg and keeps going, keeps going, keeps going through neighborhoods. It goes all the way down to America from the North Pole, all the way to America, and finally finds a driveway where there is an electric car, sneaks up on the owner who is about to get in it and gives the owner a hug.  The polar bear with tears in its eyes gives the frightened owner of the Nissan a hug.  For supposedly doing something to save the polar bear.  The whole thing is just a fraud.”

We all know that Rush Limbaugh believes that global warming is a bunch of bullshit. We know he is a bloated blowhard, drug addict and idiot. He’s also an insensitive, irresponsible fuck when it comes to words:

“They got market research that obviously says this is the way to sell the electric car.  Sell it with guilt, sell it to these Nimrods who think like this idiot who took hostages at the Discovery network building.”

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rush Limbaugh And His Fear Of A Green Planet

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Suspected Times Square Bomber Faisal Shahzad

May 7th, 2010 | 9 comments | Posted by Jen

Suspected Times Square bomber Faisal Shahzad is giving people a bad name.

And, no, we don’t mean terrorists. (They do a fantastic job of that on their own, obvs.)

We mean immigrants. And naturalized citizens. And Pakistani Americans, who, in the wake of several recent terror plots involving other Pakistani Americans, are living in fear of the backlash. People whose lives may resemble Shahzad’s in one way or another with the exception of one key point–they aren’t terrorists.

But they’re certainly more likely now to be suspected as such. Which is just what everyone needs in our current climate of immigrant-hate, rah-rah-racial profiling, and politicians preying on people’s fear of The Other, as in this ad from Republican Dan Fanelli, who’s running for Congress in Florida:

(For any of you geniuses who actually think racial profiling works–we seem to be Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Suspected Times Square Bomber Faisal Shahzad

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

ROCK OF TEA PARTY NASIAN: Lisa Mei Norton

April 28th, 2010 | 10 comments | Posted by Diana

Have you heard about Lisa Mei Norton, right-wing Christian conservative country singer/songwriter?

America's rack!

She wants to keep her guns, finds Michelle Malkin and her ilk to be “smart,” thinks we’ve gone socialist, believes Obama wasn’t born here and loves to (tea) party. Oh, and she’s already working on the indoctrinasian of her six-year-old son. Translasian: She watches Fox News.

Check out her buzzword-laden Tea Party anthem, “A Revolution’s Brewing,” a lovely ditty for all 3,000 of those adorable, overly-acknowledged, grammatically-challenged teabaggers:

Continue reading ROCK OF TEA PARTY NASIAN: Lisa Mei Norton

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The (Tea Party) Revolution Will Not Be Spelled Correctly

April 2nd, 2010 | 12 comments | Posted by Jen

You know those people who automatically assume you don’t speak English or say “Wow! Your English is really good” when it’s obvs your first language or the people who never seem to be able to understand what you’re saying even though you basically speak the Queen’s English and the OED is, like, your favorite book?

I’m pretty sure those are the same dumbasses who wrote these Tea Party protest signs (via Pargon’s flickr under “Teabonics”):

Continue reading The (Tea Party) Revolution Will Not Be Spelled Correctly

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Chuck Norris

March 11th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Happy birthday to Chuck Norris, who turned 70 this week!

We’re not sure how someone who actually knew the late great Bruce Lee and came into contact with his philosophical deepness could become such an anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-science, fearmongering toolbag…

…but no one’s perfect, right Chuck?

From the Top 50 Chuck Norris Facts:

When you say “no one’s perfect,” Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

[Chuck Norris Facts]

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sure, Two Wrongs Don’t Make Right-Wing…

February 18th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

The 2010 Conservative Political Action Conference, affectionally known as CPAC, is under way as we speak in our nation’s capital.

Conservationists. No wait, Conservatives.

In today’s update on the conference goings-on, HuffPo pulled this choice quote from Jason Mattera of the Young America’s Foundation:

“Our notion of freedom doesn’t consist of snorting cocaine, which distinguishes us from Barack Obama.”



Oh ho ho ho ho! ZING!

Can’t help but wonder, though: does the conservative notion of freedom include driving drunk, getting arrested, and  gobbling pharmaceutical heroin? Just wondering.

(Cock-sure commenters, we know that everybody’s parsing words. But this shit is seriously SO SILLY.)

[HuffPo: CPAC 2010 Update]

Source Source

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Yeh Ling-Ling, Immigrant-Hater

February 12th, 2010 | 10 comments | Posted by Jen

Last week, during his kickoff speech at the first National Teabagger Tea Party Convention, former congressman Tom Tancredo called for voters to take civics literacy tests and suggested President Obama only got elected because the U.S. doesn’t require them.

“People who could not even spell the word ‘vote,’ or say it in English, put a committed socialist idealogue in the White House, name is Barack Hussein Obama,” Tancredo said.

Tancredo, a one-note anti-immigration advocate, got a partner-in-hysteria this week when Yeh Ling-Ling, executive director of the creepy-sounding Alliance for a Sustainable USA–a non-profit that champions an outright immigration moratorium and couches its anti-immigration agenda in more palatable terms such as “environmentalism” and being for “social coherence”–came out in support of the idea.

Ms. Yeh, wouldn’t you know, is herself an immigrant several times over. From a 2004 Sierra magazine–as in The Sierra Club–profile:

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Yeh Ling-Ling, Immigrant-Hater

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , ,

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Sarah Palin

February 11th, 2010 | 8 comments | Posted by Jen

Happy birthday to Sarah Palin, who turns 46 today!

Age ain’t nothin’ but a number, right?

Here are some other numbers to chew on on this special occasion (cuz we’re Asian, and we love math):

Continue reading BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Sarah Palin

Filed under: , , , , , , , , ,

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! That Nerdy Little O’Keefe Gang

January 29th, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Early twenty-something boys don’t catch a lot of breaks, it’s true. Sure, they’ve started wearing ties to work–but they’re still making coffee. They spend dinner on the couch with $5 footlongs, a bong, the roommate who shits twice as much and never buys toilet paper. They have unexplainable indoor furniture (1980s rolling desk, black entertainment stand, armless teal fabric La-Z-Boy knockoff) on their outdoor balcony. Their early twenty-something ex-girlfriend is now (joyfully) screwing a thirty-something with a tastefully furnished starter house and an Audi.

Ah, dude life after college.

So there’s a part of me that understands why the four guys in the “O’Keefe Gang” (that little nickname is just so adowwable) dressed up as telephone company workers to tap Democratic Senator Mary Landrieu’s federal building phones (no, they did not crib this saucy ploy from a Martin Lawrence film), in hopes of embarassing her and taking widespread Conservatard credit for it–typically the kind of instant notariety that only causing a public smear of a non-profit fighting institutionalized disenfranchisement or creating the world’s biggest timesuck can earn you. They wanted to be important! They wanted to count for something! AWW!

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! That Nerdy Little O’Keefe Gang

Filed under: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,