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Basically, it means that in order to bond with his new college homies, a dude needs to spread his legs, get lifted in the air, and have his special parts rammed against building corners and furniture. Sometimes it’s rough and tough, sometimes it’s warm and fuzzy like in the video below (submitted by the above-mentioned student)–but no matter what it always, always, always includes slamming junk into hard stuff for giggles:
Asian folks are used to being pointed to as sinister bell curve destroyers. ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, we hear ya, everybody: we work too hard, study too often, score too high, achieve too much, and ultimately make everybody else’s mediocre asses feel shitty and look like shit. Let us loose and we’ll raise the bar too high. Leave us unchecked and we’ll take over everything–the schools, the companies, the communities!
Fine. We kick ass at stuff. Fine. Whatever.
So were we surprised when Canada’s Macleans OnCampus published an article last week called “Too Asian,” which griped about how Canadiasian students and their Hardass Asian work ethics have created environments at merit-based schools–like the University of Toronto–that are arguably soulless, party-free, achievement-heavy and unfun? That non-Asians are hesitant to attend such colleges because they’re basically flooded with almond-eyed robots? That, well, something needs to be done before the Asian-Canadian academic vibe cuts too deeply into the heart of the University spirit–historically defined by binge drinking, regrettable lays and texts from last night–causing a national cardiac arrest that may unravel society-at-large? (I mean, in the un-edited original version, at least, which is no longer available at the source but can be found here.)
Eh, not really. Annoyed, sure, shocked, hardly.
But let’s back up a bit. I did in fact just mention that the original version of this xenophobic opus is no longer available on OnCampus. A strong response from readers (aided by giants of the blogosphere and students like Anita, the machete-tongued gal who brought the piece to our attention) calling out the publication for their imbalanced and lazy reporting likely led editors to order up the highly-revised version that now sits at the URL. But rather than standing up and owning the piece, responding to commenters, or acknowledging in print: hey, we realize our first draft was a bit inflammatory; we’ve neutered our version, sorry!, Macleans quietly made some changes and said nothing.
That, my friends, is the true disgrace. These are the times, there is no shortage of material going out on the Web, everyone’s got an opinion, true journalism is more a mythical Pegasus than a shining stallion. We can’t stop people from printing words. Mediocre (or should I just say non-Asian?) words or not.
Filed under: Canadiasian, Changing Tunes, Cheesedicks, College, Edits, Hardass Asian Study Habits, Integrity, Macleans, Model Minority, No Takebacks, Party Schools, Racist Article In Macleans, Too Asian, Words Are Powerful
An advisory warning for our younger readers…
If you’ve got Hardass Asian Parents, keep them away from this article:
Why? Because it makes the case that your guardians’ two great loves–a good school and a saved buck–can live in perfect harmony. There’s a reason why Mom has us Xerox the guide to winning scholarships at the library (she sure as heck won’t let you order it on Amazon), why Dad buys us a dozen extra math workbooks but no new school clothes, why they won’t pony up $70 bucks for prom tickets but somehow find a way to shell out a grand on science camp.
They’re cheapasses. Smart cheapasses. Smart cheapasses that only care about one thing–that we get into a good school and become wildly successful so they can brag about us at parties to their friends (although, if one becomes too wildly successful, and tries to share some rewards with Mom and Dad via a salon cut ‘n’ color or nice appliances to replace their shitty/old/patched-up appliances or an expensive bottle of wine at a nice dinner or a weekly cleaning lady to save their aching backs, they’ll call out their wildly sucessful progeny for being wasteful, arrogant, condescending and ungrateful. Just something to keep in mind).
If your Cheapass Asian Parents get a peek at this article, you may find yourself milling around upstate New York with a major in naval architecture at the Webb Institute, simply because your mom found out you could go there for free. Never you mind that fantasy you’ve always had of studying “Comparisons between Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales and 1970s Blaxploitation horror films” at the NYU Gallatin School of Individualized Study.
Seriously. Forget it.
If you’re like us and fall hard for pretty people with big-ass brains, then honorasian Danica McKellar in collegiate gear and lingerie is YOUR WET, WET DREAM.
Filed under: Big Brains, Bras, College, Danica McKellar, Danica McKellar Lingerie, Danica McKellar Photo Spread In Maxim Magazine, Fantasy People, Honorasians, Lingerie, Math Nerds, Maxim, Nerds, Panties, Really Smart People, Smart Women, Smarties, The Wonder Years, Wet Dreams, Winnie Cooper
A NY Times story this week cited several recent studies that show how having a college roommate of a different race can improve racial attitudes. One study at Duke found that white freshmen students were more likely to develop diverse friendships as a result of an interracial roommate sitch, another at Ohio State discovered that black freshmen with high standardized-test scores got better grades when paired with white roommates, perhaps because having a white roommate helped black students adjust more to a predominantly white campus.
So, basically, having a roommate of another race makes you less racist. Unless you’re Asian. The Times piece noted that one study, conducted at UCLA in 2004, found that not only were Asian-Americans the most prejudiced group, but we actually made our roommates more prejudiced. Yikes.
But here’s the upshot. We beat out whites, blacks, and Latinos to be the most racist! We’re number one! Once again, we dominate the college campus! We rule!
(Psst…Is that racist? Really?)
Okay, then, I guess there is no upshot.
Hails from: Los Angeles
Known for: Graduating (with a degree in astrophysics, natch), at his young age, from East Los Angeles College with an AA degree and a 4.0 GPA.
As if our parents didn’t hate us enough for waiting until our teens to finish high school: news that an adorable, dutiful kid can easily rocket through college while mastering martial arts techniques and displaying mighty charisma, citing “hard work” as opposed to “genius” for his achievements, is sure to fuel the fire.
Sigh. He’s even better in action. Check out video of the little bugger:
Perhaps you spent most of college eating packets of instant ramen–we at DISGRASIAN have certainly been downing the stuff for most of our lives. Instant noodles, if they could be called anything else, should probably be called “instant comfort,” because they make you feel warm, happy, and full–how could any of us live without them?
This week, we celebrate the 50th anniversary of instant noodles, which were invented by the late and great Momofuku Ando, who passed at the age of 96 this January.
So happy birthday, instant noodles! We feel more comfortable already.
450 Japanese-American students who were forced to leave The University of Washington during their course of study in 1942–to relocate to internment camps after the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor–were awarded honorary degrees in a ceremony yesterday. Congratulasians to them all!
We feel like the timing for the ceremony couldn’t be better–in a new era of fearmongering, predatory hate focused on law-abiding, peaceful citizens of “dangerous” ancestry seems to be growing like wildfire. Suddenly, the ugly memory of the Japanese internment doesn’t seem like such a distant one.
Perhaps this ceremony was simply a timely reminder that fear has never gotten Americans anywhere good. Ever.