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Understanding Lisette Lee, The Week’s Most Fascinating Drug Mule

June 17th, 2010 | 8 comments | Posted by Diana

A 28-year-old California woman named Lisette Lee was busted by the feds after her chartered plane from LA landed in Columbus, Ohio this week–with over 13 suitcases of marijuana on it.

Should she be convicted, Lee could see 40 years in prison and up to $2 million in fines.

News organizations and expert sleuths like Gawker are already having a bonanza as they dig up everything relevant (and irrelevant, but wonderfully ridiculous) there is to know about this mysterious woman, who amazingly was able to keep her fake eyelashes on throughout her arrest and night in the clink, and might have more identities than Britney.

Highlights of what we currently know about Lee:

  • potentially an actress/model/recording artist/whatever (Ed. note–that might just be a reeeeeally bad mugshot)
  • was arrested with 3 cell phones, blow, weed, and drug deal ledgers in her bag
  • claims to be an heiress related to Samsung’s “Lee” family of Korea; they deny the relationship (although this is by no means an ironclad denial. It’s no secret that Hardass Asian Families will disavow you for like, failing a test. My HAPs would deny knowing me if I got a ticket for rolling past a stop sign.)
  • loooooooves eyeliner. Like LOOOOOOOOVES it.
  • seems all kinds of crazy (warranting comparisons to Tila Tequila)
  • seems to have a gift for embellishment (warranting comparisons to the Hipster Grifter)
  • has also been named in event photographs with the surname Morita (unnecessarily dragging Pat’s name into this mess)
  • apparently has a boyfriend in Columbus that she can’t or won’t name
  • organized this fourth drug run to Columbus for a “friend” who doled out $60k per trip (that’s the total budget for all other players involved, by the way, not her personal fee)
  • apparently willing to break federal law for measly tens of thousands, not realizing that a nice managerial job at Starbucks would have also provided her with benefits
  • currently sitting in jail awaiting a bond hearing that will take place tomorrow at 10am. It was postponed from today to allow Lee’s family time to travel to Columbus (this will NOT be pretty)

Sooooo much information! But I’ve still got one really, really important question: Where the fuzz is that 506 lbs. of ganj going?

[via Gawker]
[AP: Feds - Woman Took 506 Pounds Of Pot To Ohio On Jet]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Sure, Two Wrongs Don’t Make Right-Wing…

February 18th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

The 2010 Conservative Political Action Conference, affectionally known as CPAC, is under way as we speak in our nation’s capital.

Conservationists. No wait, Conservatives.

In today’s update on the conference goings-on, HuffPo pulled this choice quote from Jason Mattera of the Young America’s Foundation:

“Our notion of freedom doesn’t consist of snorting cocaine, which distinguishes us from Barack Obama.”



Oh ho ho ho ho! ZING!

Can’t help but wonder, though: does the conservative notion of freedom include driving drunk, getting arrested, and  gobbling pharmaceutical heroin? Just wondering.

(Cock-sure commenters, we know that everybody’s parsing words. But this shit is seriously SO SILLY.)

[HuffPo: CPAC 2010 Update]

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Lindsay Lohan Off To Meet Women And Kids In India

December 8th, 2009 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Reports today have stated that Lindsay Lohan will be traveling to India for the BBC, to shoot a documentary on trafficking of women and children in the impoverished country.

Lohan: Helping the children

Lohan: Helping the children

Lohan’s credits include The Parent Trap, Herbie Fully Loaded and I Know Who Killed Me. This will be her first documentary project.

In other affairs, BBC News released a report in 2007 entitled, “India’s Elite Cocaine Users.”

[MTV.com: Lindsay Lohan Reportedly Set TO Film A Documentary In India]


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Just Say No to (Bad) Blow

September 4th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

This has been a terrible week…for cocaine.

Hello Kitty Cocaine Bricks, No Shit

First, Daily Intel reports that NY coke dealers have been so hurt by the recession, they’ve resorted to cold-calling old clients and selling in parks. Then the AP reveals that our cocaine blows–1/3 of the coke seized in America is tainted with a potentially-lethal veterinary drug, possibly because of “economic pressures.” Is this any way to celebrate 25 years since the debut of Bright Lights, Big City?! What is this recession-ravaged world coming to?

One thing about cocaine, however, hasn’t changed. As Washington DEA spokesperson Paul Knierim put it:

“I think the message is the same: Don’t use cocaine, it’s a dangerous drug.”

Ahh, stating the obvious clarity.

[Daily Intel: Hit by Recession, Cocaine Dealers Resort to Cold-calling]
[AP via HuffPo: Nearly 1/3 Of Cocaine Seized In U.S. Is Tainted]

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