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TMZ, which operates under the auspices of AOL News, definitely serves a purpose. In life, there’s always somebody that has to reside in the murkiest layer–the person that denies insurance benefits to cancer patients, the defense attorney that attacks victims in order to save her guilty defendant, the jerk that has to tell little kids that there is no Santa Claus. TMZ is like that person. The supergossip team’s shamelessness allows them to dig deep into the wounds of Hollywood to tell us who’s crazy, who’s dead, who has anal sex with prostitutes instead of their wife, who’s suing their ex, who’s blown all of their money on 8 balls. Without them, we wouldn’t know such things, at least not so quickly and with no tactful filter. It’s questionable whether or not we’d ever want to, but that’s not the point. Bottom line, as I said before: TMZ has a purpose, I guess.
Yesterday, the site posted a segment featuring an on-the-fly “interview” with Sung Kang, one of Jen’s many hot boyfriends and familiar sexyface from the Fast & Furious franchise (You can see him alive again in the upcoming sequel, Fast Five). See below:
Filed under: AOL, April Fools, Ask The Asian Dude, Clowning, Fast Five, Georgia, Harvey Levin, Jackie Chan, Karaoke, Racist Shit, Stupid Ideas, Sung Kang, The Fast And the Furious Sequels, This is Bullshit, TMZ, TMZ Racist, TMZ Racist Video, Toyota, Translation
Happy birthday to William Hung, who turned 27 this week!
Though he hasn’t produced a record in years, Hung has somehow hung (ahem) out prominently in our minds–like sticky rice on the back of a wooden spoon–until present. Most Hung-related memories make us want to drag him out from his hole just to slap him silly, just because he so famously embodied for millenials every marshmallow-faced, Engrish-speaking, penis-shrinking stereotype we (like our hero, Bruce Lee) have ever tried to kick to the curb.
So here’s hoping now that Hung’s a little bit older, he’s also a bit wiser (and for all of you quick-draw commenters, I know he’s plenty book smart, but we’re talking wisdom here). Maybe he’ll find a way to channel all of that “attitude and charisma” into something wonderful, like medical school or law school (kidding)! Listen, we’re stoked as long as he’s not making us all look like clowns. Anymore.
Filed under: American Idol, Birthdays, Book Smart, Bruce Lee, Clowning, Clowns, Engrish, Engrish as a Second Language, Fat Faces, Getting Older, Marshmallow, Never Resisting a Chance to Exploit Yourself As A Stereotype, Penis Shrinkage, Shame, Stereotypes, William Hung, Wisdom
Am I nuts, or is Wing Pang kind of awesome?
Sure, with the language fumbles and goofy demeanor, it seems like he could be clowning (or, er, “crowning”) for uncomfy laughs, but for some reason–with that twinkle in his eye–I don’t neccesarily feel like the joke is on him.
And lawd knows, going tit-for-tat with the weirdtastic Conan O’Brien is no easy task. Somehow, Pang’s lightning-quick reflexes have him steady and ready to return O’Brien’s shots–whether they come in the form of a zinger or a fencing foil.
And-and-AND, our pal Joz loves herself some Wing Pang. Always a good sign.
Today, Chan can enjoy the experience of us being gentle and nice to him! Pretty neat, huh? If he would just stop all that wretched clowning, it could happen a helluva lot more often.
**A note from Diana’s fictional, yet very handsome twin brother**
Hi. I’m so glad to finally be writing to you. My sister talks about you all the time, but most of the time I’m zoned out because it sounds mostly like, “blah blah this is ricist” and “blah blah blah why isn’t anyone covering Roethlisberger so that he can fucking pass the ball” or “blah blah blah Lagerfeld is obsessed with young hacks.” She’s incredibly cool and brilliant and has that hot friend Jen and everything, but sometimes I can’t deal.
I don’t watch much TV, and I definitely don’t watch the show you’re on. But after seeing the video above, I’m already convinced that I don’t like or respect you.
I think you might be the most famous Asian TV actor today–it’s incredible that I’ve even heard of you, as I tend to spend most of my days focused on my race for the X-Prize or cuddled up with some Goyard, and my nights trying to make a dent in the list of Michelin-rated restaurants near my loft. Your sudden skyrocketing into the limelight seems fantastic, and it’s always nice to see an Asian person on a magazine cover or on the screen.
Diana mentioned something about your character being a “doughy, Engrish-speaking, childish, dickless clown” the other day. She also said something about “fisting.” I don’t really know what that means, but… anyway, I just don’t really know what that means. I assume, though, that your character must be incredibly banal, and dare I say it–laden with tried-and-true Asian male stereotypes? How unfortunate.
What is guiding my opinion of you, however, is your behavior in this video. This is you being you, behind the scenes in hair and makeup. And while you’re acting as yourself, you are indeed performing; moreover, you’re clowning. You’re going off-the-cuff as a weeping, weak, babyish, unfunny mess. Am I wrong, or did that fellow from Felicity just ask you if your sobs were “Japanese for…”
…For what? Insecurity?
Masi, if Asians in the media don’t take themselves seriously, nobody will. Lacking a punchline and constantly deflating yourself as a male is simply inexcusable. You can’t possibly, truly be like that ridiculous blubbering disaster, can you?
I for one, am an Asian man, that never reverts to clowning for attention. Sure, I was both an academe and an athlete. Yes, I’m incredibly successful. Okay, I’ve gotten laid more times than I’ve brushed my teeth. Fine, I’m handsome, and I’m strong, and I’m cool. I understand that that probably makes things easier for me.
But Masi, please, just try and make it easier for our other brothers, y’know? Not all of them are like me. They need a little help. And they’re looking to you for inspiration. They’re hoping that you set a standard of manhood that is respectable to make their daily lives just a little easier.
Don’t make the punchline you. Or else somebody is going to want to punch you, and I wouldn’t put it past my sis to be that somebody.
Cheers, bro. Good luck.
Seamus “Diana’s Twin” [Last name redacted]