You are currently browsing posts tagged with Closeted Asians

Dancing On the Ceiling of Sanjaya’s Head

January 7th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Sanjaya “Hell No I’m Not Gaysian” Malakar will soon release his first post-American Idol EP, “Dancing to the [techno/house remix and Madonna] Music in my Head.” Psyched? It’s available for pre-order on Amazon right now:


And somewhere, all huddled together in a room: the Debarge guys, Menudo kids, Lionel Richie, and Billy Ocean in fetal position on the floor, punching themselves in their respective neckmeats for not coming up with this album cover themselves.

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Hardass Asian Candidate

February 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Further proof that Hillary Clinton is a closeted Asian came Saturday in Ohio, when Hills busted out the “S” word during a rally in Cincinnati:

Dayum! Watching that gave me flashbacks to my Hardass Asian Mom after she read negative attacks of herself in my diary, circa 7th grade. Her wrath scared me so straight, I whaled on the PSATs, held down first chair oboe all year, and started pretending that I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up.

For anyone out there doubting Hillary’s ability to lead, rest assured. She’ll be great at providing healthcare, because there will be no such thing as “sick,”; making education affordable, because we’ll only be permitted to spend our allowances on tuition at a 1st tier college; and pushing this country to be Number One again, because she’ll need something to brag about at Chinese choir-practice.

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