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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Chuck Norris

March 11th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Happy birthday to Chuck Norris, who turned 70 this week!

We’re not sure how someone who actually knew the late great Bruce Lee and came into contact with his philosophical deepness could become such an anti-gay, anti-abortion, anti-science, fearmongering toolbag…

…but no one’s perfect, right Chuck?

From the Top 50 Chuck Norris Facts:

When you say “no one’s perfect,” Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.

[Chuck Norris Facts]

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What a F*cking Idiot

September 12th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

So, Chuck Norris is an actor, right?

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Margaret Bis This Crap?

June 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

As I’ve watched the candidates in this election cycle come and go, and their powerful friends step up to give endorsements, I’ve found myself developing more of an opinion about the endorser than the endorsed.

For example:

Chuck and Huck

When Chuck Norris came out strong for Mike “God and I Think the Constitution Could Use Some Work” Huckabee, I didn’t lose any sleep or respect for the Huckster (there wasn’t a lot to begin with). But I definitely stopped believing that Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

So now how should I feel, even though a Presidential candidate isn’t on the line, about the fact that my heroine Margaret Cho has come out on behalf of Tila Tequila?

She wrote this today on her blog:

“I love Tila Tequila and in many ways I consider her my spiritual daughter. She is a beautiful Asian American woman with a head for business and a bod for sin. She rules and she’s got tattoos!! Oh and she is bisexual!! She’s great and I think her show “A Shot at Love” is groundbreaking and fabulously entertaining

Sometimes people complain and say that the show is all fixed fake and that Tila isn’t really queer and it’s all bullshit, but I don’t believe them. I think it is real, and even if it isn’t – who fucking cares? We have a major hit TV dating show that revolves around a queer star. The real identity of the players or the legitimacy of the game isn’t important to me. What is important is that people like Tila, which means people like me, are no longer invisible. We are here, we are queer, and everyone is getting used to it.”

The thing is, I don’t know if I care more about the fact that Margaret got behind Tila (not lit-rally, but like the Kennedys for Obama), or her casual willingness to dismiss the importance of the identity of Tila’s sexual pawns. I’m all for high-visibility gays and bis but without identity, attention is just bullshit. And should we really celebrate exploitation without real progress? I dunno, maybe we should ask mid-century Black performers that got to dance and sing for white folks but couldn’t enter through he same concert hall doors.

How should I feel about this? Maybe I’ll just introduce Margaret to Chuck and call it a day. That’ll kill two stones with one burn.

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Chuck Norris

January 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Our jaws dropped last week when Presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee suggested AMENDING THE CONSTITUTION TO REFLECT GOD’S STANDARDS, A PROPOSAL RECEIVED BY A CHEERING AUDIENCE.

To avoid being remiss, here is the more definitive quote, from MSNBC:

“[Some of my opponents] do not want to change the Constitution, but I believe it’s a lot easier to change the constitution than it would be to change the word of the living God, and that’s what we need to do is to amend the Constitution so it’s in God’s standards rather than try to change God’s standards,” Huckabee said, referring to the need for a constitutional human life amendment and an amendment defining marriage as between a man and a woman.

Um. Amend the constitution? Our founding fathers are rolling like fucking ravers on E in their graves right now. Huh??? Wha???

We expect candidasians to talk crazy talk. What else is new? But what we shouldn’t have to deal with is this:

Norris endorses Mike “Constitution Shmonstitution” Huckabee

Oh, Chuck. Oh, Chuck, Chuck, Chuck. He studied with THE MASTER Bruce Lee. He starred in Walker, Texas Ranger for eight freakin’ years! He can kill two stones with one bird!!!

We can say with almost absolute certainty that Lee would not approve of this crazian political tour. Does Chuck need another couple of kicks in the head to remind him of what good sense is?

We certainly think so.

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