You are currently browsing posts tagged with Chinky Faces

Lesson From Toby Keith: Nothin’ Sez Yellow Like A Goofy Face

December 14th, 2009 | 9 comments | Posted by Diana

What is UP with famous country folk and their love of doing the chink eye (see 1:25 of the clip)?






Not to generalize or whatever, but… isn’t that kinda what Toby’s doing here?

[TMZ: Toby Keith Adds Racist Slant To Nobel Party]

Thanks, Jasmine!

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Photoshut the F*ck Up

June 30th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The fine fellas over at Homo Shame sent me this gem, a disgraceful-in-every-way Photoshop job–filed under “Horrible Gays,” captioned “Oh U,” and filenamed “asain.jpg” at Photobucket (Like I said: In. Every. Way.).

Oh, Ew.

This man’s altered face will most certainly give me nightmares (if that wrist bone doesn’t do it first). I haven’t seen a face that chinked-up in a long time, either. Damn wow. I can’t even go there.

But I will point out that, all fucked-up innuendo aside, this dude’s hand looks pretty darn big. Huge, in fact. HUGE and MIGHTY with GIRTH, muthafuckaz!

[via Photobucket]

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Thanks, Jonathan!

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The Silent Treatment, i.e. The Last Word We’ll Ever Utter About the Miley Cyrus Chink-Eye Photo, We Swear

February 19th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

On Sunday, we received a reader tip identifying the Token Asian Guy in the Miley Cyrus chink-eye photo that you’re now sick to death of hearing about. His name is Chuck Willis. He is 24 year-old model/photographer from Nashville–which is perhaps how he knows Miley–who currently resides in L.A. Rather than blog about this new revelation–it was just a name, really, albeit the name of a white, middle-aged, life-insurance salesman (and also a deceased blues musician)–I found the guy’s MySpace page and sent him a message. In the intervening days, his MySpace page has been deleted, and I no longer have a copy of the message. But this was the gist:

Hey. What’s up? We write a blog and have been covering the Miley Cyrus-photo fallout. In the interest of full disclosure, we should mention that we’ve been critical of Miley. A lot of people have been wondering what you were thinking when that photo was taken. Would you care to comment, even anonymously? We’re not interested in writing a takedown, we’d just like to know.

The reasoning behind this decision was simple. So much had been said about the guy already, so much had been projected onto him, by us included–that he was a “sellout” (a word I detest because it uncomplicates the complicated experience of being a person of color), that he was in on the joke, that he knew he was the butt of the joke, that he didn’t think anything was wrong with the picture, that he was humiliated–I figured we ought to stop dicking around and go directly to the well.

Today I learned that MTV was the only source to get a response from Chuck, if you can call it that:

When contacted by MTV News, Willis would neither confirm nor deny that it’s him in the picture, saying that, due to the number of calls he’s been receiving from media outlets, he’s ‘not going to talk about it.’

I honestly wouldn’t have cared one way or another what his answer was, I just wanted him to say something. If he had said, “The picture wasn’t racist,” I would have said, “Huh. That’s interesting,” and spent a few days thinking about why I had read that same sentiment over and over in various comments sections written by Asians and why there was such a divide on the chink-eye issue. If he had said, “The picture was wack,” I would have said, “Dude, we feel you. We’ve sooo been there,” and maybe sent him some gummi bears. Even if he had said, “Miley is my friend, and because she’s famous and I’m not, I can’t say anything bad about her so I’m going to make up some drivel because that is the politics of friendship between a famous person and a non-famous person”–or some coded version of that–I would have said, “That sucks donkey dick, but I get how awful it is to be a celebrity’s bitch and I kinda feel sorry for you.”

But retreating into silence? Dude. That’s weak.

Sellout.

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Thank you, Maria!

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Along for the Rice

February 3rd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Just in case you missed it, a photo of Miley Cyrus and her pretty pals making chinky-chong-chong faces for the camera hit the Internet running yesterday (Miley Cyrus? In a leaked photo? Shocker!), and hasn’t lost gas. Maybe when you first peeped it, you were like us, and commented on the one Asian schmuck in the picture. Like any douche worth his seat next to Hannah Montana--the tool undoubtedly bit his lip (“Yeah! Slanty! Hee! No, it’s funny cuz I’m here! You guys are great!”) and giggled while his friends talked to him in buck-toof. And then wondered at night why he doesn’t get laid.

In response, OCA (a non-profit, pro-social APA group) distributed a press release yesterday to address the mess, including one rather obvious point:

“The inclusion of an Asian Pacific American individual in the photo does not make it acceptable.”

Er, ya think? Frankly, we would have imagined a more succinct:

“Tell Hannah Montana to stop listening to that little, yellow friend of hers. He’s just a silly chink!”

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Face It, Miley

February 2nd, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I shouldn’t be expected to understand the Miley Cyrus thing: I don’t think I pay for the Disney channel, I’m not eleven years old, and I certainly don’t find Billy Ray’s chin-pube influence to be at all acceptable. All signs point to “no” with the little butterface. Can she sing? Sorta. Can she dance? Kinda. Is she gentle on the eyes? Hardly. So there you go. I DON’T GET HER.

It’s not that I’m totally out of touch with tween culture or Disney’s brilliant machine, guys. The wild success of the Jonas Brothers totally makes sense to me. Sure, they make terrible music. Yes, their pants are too tight and I’m not at all comfortable with their penchant for ill-fitting vests and high boots. And okay, if they never perform at another football halftime show, it’ll be too soon. But these boys, with their pretty little koala faces, are so damn sugary and cute that they’re impossible for the little ladies to resist. That I can accept. A girl’s gotta have somebody to doodle about in her easy-lock diary, for crying out loud. Give ‘em three cute brothers.

But this Miley girl–whose given name isn’t even Miley (“Miley” was apparently short for, er, “Smiley”–a nickname adopted by her parents)–this girl is not cute. As far as I can tell on the Interwebz, she’s basically just average in every single possible way. Let’s be honest, homegirl has a face that only a chin-pubey, too-close dad can be expected to love (by the by, few others seems willing to say such things because she’s just a young thing, and it’s wrong to judge the little ones harshly… but I’m an asshole, and after I see enough Internet photos of a chick in her underwear I no longer regard her as “little,” and overall I just don’t care).

But while we’re on the subject of faces, y’know, it occurs to me that I’ve always meant to give the little lass some advice on the face she seems to make most repeatedly in photographs (usually self-snapped). It’s an awkward, puckery, duck face. An unflattering pout, if you will.

My advice would be: Always make a nice face in photos. If you were a person with a cute face, it would be all about angles. If your head was cute but a little round, you’d be wary not to let your full moon take over a picture. But if you’re like, really grim, as in your case, and have got a truly tragic mug, always, ALWAYS opt for pretty expressions. Don’t dick around with icky faces–you can’t pull it off. And when assessing your look, always trust a picture. Never trust your ego. Your ego will likely tell you: You’re famous! That means you’re gorgeous! But your ego will be wrong.

Work with your strengths

But, my dear, if you’re going to make another face, don’t let it be this one:

“That guy said it was okay!”

‘Cuz then you’ll have but a moment to get out of my face, before Jen and I decide that we’re ready to bust up your face. And it will be the most unfortunate situasian you’ve ever had to face.

And two bitches you don’t ever want to face, face-to-face… are us.

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Thanks, jRu, Ashley, Jasmine, Bao-Viet, Tammy, Elisa, and Eukadanz!

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Congratulasians, Spain!

August 25th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

¡Hola España Basketball!

Boy, that was a close one. You certainly gave Team USA, aka The Redeem Team, a run for their money in Sunday’s gold medal game. And, sure, we’ve given you some shit over the last coupla weeks, but we’re totally over that now and would like to congratulate you on winning Spain’s first Olympic medal in basketball since 1984! You kept the game oh-so-close through four quarters, and now you can walk away with your heads held high, silver medal in hand.

A silver medal! From the Olympics! Has it sunk in yet? Sure, you must feel slightly disappointed that you didn’t win it all, but a silver medal from the Olympic Games is still major. If Diana’s late Hardass Asian Grandmother had been around to see this, she would’ve been quick to assure you that being second is just like being first.

First Loser, that is.

Anyhoo, felicitaciones!

chinkily yours,

DISGRASIAN


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Slant Eye-dolotry

August 19th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


We almost lost our muzzafuzzin’ minds today when a photo of the Argentine women’s soccer team (rocking Spain’s chink-eye style) surfaced on Gawker–holy frijoles, are we witnessing a “respect” epidemic?? It’s like a worldwide fad of “loving” spinning crazily, slantily, er–respectfully out of control!!! Awesome!

We’ve actually written a song about it. It goes a little somethin’ like this (hit it!):

People all over the world (everybody)
Squint eyes (slant)
Start a love train, love train
People all over the world (all the world, now)
Chink those eyes (chink eyes!)
Start a love train (love eye), love train
The next stop that we respectfully make will be soon
Tell all the folks in Argentina, and Spain, too
Don’t you know that it’s time to get on board
And let this train keep on riding, it’s funny hoo hoo!
Well, well
People all over the world (you don’t need no money)
Squint eyes (come on)
Start a love train, love train (don’t need no Asians, come on)
People all over the world (Join in, ride this train)
Join in (Ride this train, y’all)
Start a love train (Come on, train), love train
All of you brothers over in Africa
Tell all the folks in Egypt, and Israel, too
Please don’t miss this train o’ impersonasian
‘Cause if you miss it, I feel sorry, sorry for you
Well
People all over the world (Sisters and brothers)
Squint eyes (Squint ‘em, come on!)
Start a love train (ride this train, y’all), love train (Come on)
People all over the world (Don’t need no tickets)
Squint eyes (come on, eyes)
Start a love train, love train
Eyes, slanty eyes
Squint those eyes
Loving eyes
People, ain’t no war
People all over the world (on this train)
Chinky eyes (ride the train)
Start a love train, love train (ride the train, y’all)
People all over the world (come on)
Squint eyes (you can ride or stand, yeah)
Start a love train, love train (makin’ love)
People all over the world (’round the world, y’all)
Squinty eyes (come on)
Start a love train, love train

Ringtone available soon! Until then, just keep those eyes chinky!!!

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Seriously, Spain? Now You’re Starting to Piss Me Off.

August 14th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Today, Gawker dug up another photo of a Spanish national team–this time, it’s their 2008 Fed Cup tennis team–making chinky faces. Spain beat China in the Fed Cup semis to reach the final against Russia, which will be played in Madrid, September 13-14.


More “loving” and “respect” from Spain to my people?? Awww! Y’all shouldn’t have. Really…it’s too much.

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