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Disgrasian Juice

April 1st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Allow me to describe a typical morning of mine to you. I wake up. I’m stoked that it’s before noon. I unsheath the NY Times and the LA Times from their plastic bags. I go straight to the sports pages. And then I think, Know what would make this morning perfect? A little O.J.

I pick some oranges from the tree in my backyard. I throw away the half-eaten ones that the obese, finicky squirrels have left behind. Then, I cut the good oranges in half and mash them to a pulp on MY CHINKY-ASS COOLIE RICE-PADDY HAT HEAD JUICER. That’s right. I just said My Chinky-Ass Coolie Rice-Paddy Hat Head Juicer.


See how happy this boycott Alessi products Chinky-Ass Coolie Rice-Paddy Hat Head Juicer looks? Wouldn’t it just brighten up your mornings? I can’t wait to get this Chinky-Ass Coolie Rice-Paddy Hat Head Juicer for my new best friend:


She loves Chinks. She loves Coolies. And she smells like ass.

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