You are currently browsing posts tagged with China’s Taking Over Everything

The Onion, Stir-Fried

July 20th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

OH SHIT. Satire news’ grand poobah, The Onion, has been taken over by the Chinese!


Needless to say, as a rather seamless multi-joke joke–it’s kind of perfect.*

*And needless to say, while we may appreciate both the effort and the execution, we’ll instead focus on the negative, clucking our tongues and noting aloud how we or our family members would have done it better.

[The Onion - America's Finest News Source and Salvage Fishery]


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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Notes from the Down Underground

January 23rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Zhang Jie and Yan Zi, 2006 Australasian Open doubles champs


The quarterfinals at the Australasian Open were not kind to the Williams sisters this year. First Serena was knocked out of the singles competition by Serbian Jelena Jankovic in straight sets, then Serena and Venus lost in doubles to Chinese duo Yan Zi and Zheng Jie, and, finally, Venus, who’s never won this Slam, was defeated in her singles match by another Serb, Ana Ivanovic, also in straight sets. All three losses occurred in the span of 24 hours. Rough day!

Speaking of China, there’s talk of moving the Australian Open, which advertises itself as “The Grand Slam of Asia/Pacific,” to Asia. China, specifically.

Even though the tournament has been held in Melbourne since 1905, I have a feeling I know who’ll win this fight. Perhaps the Aussies should adopt a new mascot…(drumroll)…the Down Underdogs! Okay, that was terrible.

On the subject of top dogs, can anyone beat Roger “The Federator” Federer on this hardcourt?

I’m still not convinced the dude isn’t an evil robot.

And, finally, we’ve noticed a big bump in DISGRASIAN’s traffic since the start of the Australasian Open. Are readers clicking over here for our unique slant on pop culture, sports, and celebutardity? Or our look at the presidential race through yellow-tinted glasses? Or our bitchy knee-jerk reactions to everything from protests of Japanese whaling to human rights in China?

Sadly, no. Many of you have just come for THIS.

THIS.


AND THIS.

So, once again, we’re putting out for you. Why? Cuz underneath our rough, pissed-off exteriors…

…we’re just gals who aim to please.

Happy tennis, pervs!

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Don’t Bogart that Hair Dye

December 14th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Chinese President Hu Jintao: Back in Bla-a-ack


Another alarming story about China using up all of our world’s resources came down the pike recently (are ya ready?): “Chinese Bigwigs Are Quick to Reach for the Hair Color.” The Wall Street Journal reported:

For aging men of influence here, the dye job appears to have become as commonplace as the Mao suit once was.

Then they published this graph of hair color sales almost doubling over the span of five years:

Which made me think, what if hair dye goes the way of air, electricity, coal, oil, and untainted goods and the Chinese use it all up?!? Then what?!? What am I supposed to do when my hair turns gray (which is not so far off in the future)?!? What about ME?!? Me me me, dammit! What about my vanity?!? What about my ability to succeed in elite circles because I look young and hot?!? Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!!! OMG!!! I’m fuh-reakin’ OUT!!!

Damn you, China. Damn you.

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