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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! The People In The Panda Suits

December 6th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Jen

Pandas are sickeningly cute. But they’re also dumb as fuck. They survive almost entirely on bamboo, which poses all kinds of problems; they frequently kill their young by accident or neglect; and they seem to have something against sex and reproducing more sickeningly-cute-but-dumb-as-fuck panda spawn.

Researchers at the famed Hetaoping Research and Conservation Centre in Sichuan Province, China, have been working their asses off to keep these adorable dummies from disappearing off the face of the planet, and one of their innovations is dressing themselves up in panda suits when it comes time to introduce the real pandas into the wild. To, presumably, get those pandas raised in captivity used to being around other pandas, or something like that?

No idea if it’ll work–the last panda the Hetaoping researchers introduced into the wild, Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! The People In The Panda Suits

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DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Chinese Woman Gets One Year Of Hard Labor For RT

November 19th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Jen

What’s the price of a Tweet?

As Twitter attempts to drum up another round of financing at the valuation of $3 billion, that’s what potential investors want to know.

But for 46 year-old Chinese woman, Cheng Jianping, aka @wangyi09, the price of a Tweet is valued at one year in a labor camp.

Last month, Cheng RT’ed a message (see above) originally posted by her fiance, Hua Chunhui, satirically suggesting that young Chinese nationalists who had been staging recent anti-Japanese rallies should attack the Japanese pavilion at the Shanghai World Expo. They were both arrested not long after on the day they were to be married; Hua was released five days later. That Cheng was sentenced to a year of hard labor without a trial while Hua was not may have to do with the fact that Cheng has gotten into trouble for her social media activity in the past. From the NY Times:

Widely known by the online name Wang Yi, Ms. Cheng is avidly followed by a small coterie of Chinese intellectuals who subscribe to Twitter, which is blocked in China but can be reached by those willing to burrow beneath the government’s firewall. Most recently Ms. Cheng sent out messages praising the decision to award the Nobel Peace Prize to the imprisoned rights activist Liu Xiaobo. Last August, she was briefly detained after expressing sympathy for a detained democracy advocate, Liu Xianbin.

While Chinese users of Twitter are subjected to a 140 character-limit like the rest of us, in Chinese, one character equals one word, so the limit roughly translates to 140 words. For this reason, Twitter has become popular in China among political activists.

Counting spaces and punctuation, the Tweet that landed Cheng in a labor camp for a year was 79 characters, which roughly translates to 4.6 days of imprisonment per word.

[NY Times: Chinese Woman Imprisoned for Twitter Message]
[Cheng Jianping on Twitter]

Thanks, Jasmine!

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The Chinese Build A 15-Story Hotel In 6 Days But Someone’s Not Impressed

November 12th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

The Chinese have set some kind of new record for efficiency by building a 15-story hotel in only 6 days. Watch this cool time-lapse video to see how it was done:

The Ark Hotel, in the city of Changsha, was constructed with all prefab materials and is soundproofed, thermal-insulated, and reportedly capable of withstanding a magnitude 9 earthquake. The construction workers who put it together worked until 10 pm every night, and none were injured in the building process.

To me, this hotel is the paragon of Asian-ness, in its show-off-y efficiency–it was prefab, inexpensive, quickly-built, and generated only 1% construction waste–but I happen to know one Asian person who’s not so impressed by it.

That is Hardass Asian Parenting to the core!

Oh yeah, you built a building in 6 days?  SOFA KING WUT? And, while we’re on the subject, why couldn’t you do it in 5?!

[Yahoo News: Chinese workers build 15-story hotel in just six days]

Thanks to my Hardass Asian Daddy!

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The Chinese Really Love Their Dogs (And Not To Eat, Wiseass)

October 28th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Jen

First, the good news: The Chinese are no longer eating their dogs (almost)!

Hear that, Morrissey, ya prick?

A recent story from the NY Times, which loves to print pieces about how China is overcoming its barbarism one “civilized” step at a time–showing a particular affinity for “Chinglish” stories –reports that, although once banned, dogs have become increasingly popular as pets in recent years. The Times story tells tale (tail?) of status breeds, fancy canine day spas, and animal-protection laws becoming a phenomenon in China.

Now for the bad news: The Chinese embracing dogs-not-as-food idea has gone way too far.

I give you Lu Lu, the purse-carrying pooch from Henan Province:

As dlisted‘s Michael K. put it, “I mean, her pussy’s hanging out!

Also: if you’re going to make that poor dog carry a purse and walk on two legs, eff that janky teddy bear shit and get that girl some Chanel! Even a knockoff–and I know those haven’t been banned in China–would suffice.

[via dlisted]
[The Daily Mail: The diva dog Lu Lu which walks on her hind legs and carries her own handbag]

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Make Your Own “Evil Chinese Professor” Parody [CONTEST]

October 25th, 2010 | 9 comments | Posted by Jen

Just in time for Halloween, fiscal conservative think-tank Citizens Against Government Waste (CAGW)–which has been tied to big tobacco and corrupt lobbyist Jack Abramoff–has released a campaign ad depicting a scary vision of the future in which the Chinese have taken over everything:

According to Ben Smith at Politico, the ad’s an homage to a 1986 Ridley Scott-directed ad that was paid for by CAGW’s founder, and it’s produced by Larry McCarthy, who also produced the 1988 Willie Horton ad that did considerable damage to Democrat Michael Dukakis’s presidential campaign by fueling white voters’ fear of black men.

But it’s 2010, and what Americans need to be afraid of is…China!

And we are afraid. We are VERY afraid.

So afraid that we want to make this ad less scary–and race-baiting and fear-mongering and just kinda baaaaad–and more fun. And that’s where we need your help. Campus Progress Action has already done their own parody, and we want to see yours. So we–along with 8Asians, Angry Asian Man, and Reappropriate–are making it a CONTEST. Because Asians love contests. Because Asians love to win. Which is why we’re taking over everything!

Here’s what you need to do:

Continue reading Make Your Own “Evil Chinese Professor” Parody [CONTEST]

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AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Nobel Peace Prize Winner Liu Xiaobo

October 11th, 2010 | 8 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Liu Xiaobo

Age: 54

Occupation: Literature professor and jailed Chinese dissident

Known for: Returning to China from the U.S. during the Tiananmen Square protests in 1989 and saving hundreds of lives by persuading students to leave the square as army tanks were rolling in; being imprisoned for most of the last 20 years for his peaceful protest of the Chinese government; helping to draft Charter 08, a manifesto calling for freedom of expression, free elections, and human rights in China.

First the good news: On Friday of last week, Liu Xiaobo was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for “his long and nonviolent struggle for fundamental human rights in China.” Liu is the first Chinese citizen still living in mainland China to ever win a Nobel.

Now the bad: In advance of his winning, 14 overseas Chinese dissidents wrote a letter to the Nobel committee declaring Liu an “unsuitable” laureate for, among other reasons, being soft on the Chinese government. Then, when the award was announced, China censored any mention of Liu and the prize. And now Liu’s wife, Liu Xia, is apparently under house arrest.

A peace prize has been given, yes, but still, no peace.

[TIME: Chinese Dissident Liu Xiaobo Wins the Nobel Peace Prize]
[NY Times: Unusual Opposition to a Favorite for Nobel]

Source

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China To End Public Shaming

July 27th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Jen

After much public outcry, the Chinese government wants to put an end to its longstanding tradition of publicly shaming criminal suspects. Which basically means the Chinese are becoming less Chinese. Because Chinese people love them some public shaming. (I mean, Me = Chinese, DISGRASIAN = A Public Shaming Site, hello?)

The NY Times reports that the demand for the end to public shaming arose out of sympathy for prostitution suspects:

The new regulations are thought to be a response to the public outcry over a recent spate of “shame parades,” in which those suspected of being prostitutes are shackled and forced to walk in public.

Last October, the police in Henan Province took to the Internet, posting photographs of women suspected of being prostitutes. Other cities have been publishing the names and addresses of convicted sex workers and those of their clients. The most widely circulated images, taken this month in the southern city of Dongguan, included young women roped together and paraded barefoot through crowded city streets.

The police later said they were not punishing the women, only seeking their help in the pursuit of an investigation.

The public response, at least on the Internet, has tended toward outrage, with many postings expressing sympathy for the women. “Why aren’t corrupt officials dragged through the streets?” read one posting. “These women are only trying to feed themselves.”

This expressed sympathy for prostitutes is consistent with an online survey conducted last year in China which found that people considered prostitutes more trustworthy than government officials, putting them third in trustworthiness behind farmers and religious workers(!). That prostitution and the Chinese government could be construed as binary Continue reading China To End Public Shaming

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Adam Yamaguchi Eats A Dick

July 26th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Jen

Normally, we’d say eating donkey dick should be reserved for your worst enemies, so when adorbs Adam Yamaguchi tucks into its gristly penile sinew, we don’t know what to think:

On second thought, we do know what to think.

Eating donkey dick should be reserved for your worst enemies.

[current TV: The Guy That Eats Anything: Vanguard's Adam Yamaguchi]

Thanks, rob!

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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

July 21st, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by jasmine

Bad: Chinese censors have cracked down on “vulgar” dating shows for promoting materialism and open discussion of sexuality. Worse: Now that the shows promote civic mindedness and traditional values, ratings are down. [NY Times]

Amerie is now Ameriie. The extra I stands for “I haven’t had a hit in a while and I need some attention.” [Rap-Up.com]

Don’t give people any ideas: M. Night Shyamalan says, “If I thought like you I’d kill myself” when questioned about previous flops (of which there have been quite a few) while promoting The Last Airbender. [ONTD]

After rumors abounded that he was headed to the Lakers (BOO), Harvard b-baller Jeremy Lin has signed with the Golden State Warriors (PHEW). [MSNBC]

A preliminary reel for K-Town shows that while the cast may not be as orange as their Jersey Shore counterparts, they certainly know how to keep up when it comes to getting shit-faced. [TMZ]

A 66 year-old Korean woman chases down armed, would-be robbers of her dry cleaning business. If the Charlie’s Angels franchise comes back to the big screen, and for some reason Lucy Liu isn’t available to reprise her role, can this lady do it instead? [Angry Asian Man]

Amazian comedienne Margaret Cho is looking for hardcore Cho-dependents to promote her upcoming album Cho Dependent and tour, both of which are due next month. [MargaretCho.com]

Source

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Intern Jasmine’s Links Of The Daysian

July 13th, 2010 | 8 comments | Posted by jasmine

Vaseline has created a face-whitening application for Facebook users in India to promote its Healthy White Skin Lightening Cream, because, um, yeah, that sounds really, really healthy. [Feministing]

Like AT&T in the 80′s, Ichiro Suzuki reaches out and touches someone. [MLB]

You break it, you DON’T buy it: Finally, a place for women having their lady time, in Shenyang, China. [People's Daily Online]

Tila Tequila is no longer part of Celebrity Rehab. Is it because she’s no longer a celebrity, or because she can’t be rehabilitated, or because no one gives a shit? Hmm. [RadarOnline]

Hayao Miyazaki likens iPad use to masturbation. Like that’s a problem?! [Gizmodo]

A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas already sounds like the greatest motherfuckin’ Christmas movie of all time. [MTV.com]

We can see why Prince said that the internet is over. Presenting…Kate Gosselin in a coolie hat. [Just Jared]

Source

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AMAZIANS OF THE WEEK! Tibetans The Fastest Evolved Humans EVAR

July 6th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Okay, first the good news: Tibetans are superhuman!

Tibetan pilgrims–or hipsters?

About 3,000 years ago, when Tibetans split off from the Han Chinese, they developed a unique ability to survive in altitudes above 13,000 feet, where oxygen levels are 40% lower, a genetic change a recent study cites as the fastest ever observed in humans.

Now, for the bad: “For such a very strong change, a lot of people would have had to die simply due to the fact that they had the wrong version of a gene,” said Rasmus Nielsen, a professor of integrative biology at Berkeley who led the statistical analysis.

This may not come as a surprise to anyone nominally aware of Tibetan history, which has been marked by struggle and loss. On that note, today marks the 75th birthday of the Dalai Lama.

Happy birthday, Your Holiness!

[CNN: Tibetan DNA study reveals human evolution]

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Liveblogging The Karate Kid Remake With Jen’s Hardass Asian Mama

June 11th, 2010 | 32 comments | Posted by Jen

Any use of inappropriate cultural terms or conflation with the original movie is entirely intentional:

The Karate Kid (Jaden Smith) and his Mom (Taraji Henson) are leaving Detroit. Lest you think this is a single black mom/deadbeat dad scenario, we’re told upfront that the Karate Kid’s Dad is dead…period. Detroit is portrayed as a gray, dismal city full of shuttered storefronts. This is America in our continued state of joblessness, America in the 21st century, America on the decline. But China, where they’re headed for Mom’s work, is the land of opportunity, the land of now, the land on the up-and-up, or, as the Karate Kid’s Mom puts it, “a magical new land,” like unicorns live there or something.

The Karate Kid tries out his Mandarin on the Asian dude sitting across the aisle from him on the plane. “Dude, I’m from Detroit,” the Asian dude says. Light laughs from the audience, which is mostly made up of families with tween children and some creepy older loners who probably wanted to be Daniel-san back in the day. My Hardass Asian Mom (HAM) approves of this joke: “Not all Chinese or Asian looking guy speaks Chinese, this is true.

Meanwhile: Where is my Bananarama remix???

When the Karate Kid and his Mom arrive at the airport, their lady driver is holding a sign Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Liveblogging The Karate Kid Remake With Jen’s Hardass Asian Mama

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