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at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont, March 28
TILA: Me too! Thanks for buying lunch.
MEGHAN: Well, you said you couldn’t find your wallet.
TILA: Oh! Um, yeah!
MEGHAN: Um, you’re welcome.
TILA: You have a lot of dough though, right? I mean your mom’s totally loaded.
MEGHAN: Well I don’t really like to talk about money.
TILA: Oh. Why?
MEGHAN: I’ve always heard it’s kinda tacky. Kinda like talking smack about your dad’s first family when they’re not around to defend themselves. Not like my mom does that or anything.
TILA: Hey, did you buy your boobs?
MEGHAN: Excuse me?
TILA: God, you must have bought really expensive ones. They’re so real, it completely looks like it’s all real fat in there.
MEGHAN: Er, yeah, my breasts are real.
TILA: Oh my gaw! Praise the lawd Jesus! I love ‘em! You’ve got awesome tits, girl.
MEGHAN: Thank you. Everybody loves my boobs.
TILA: I just want to stuff my face in them and then make out with your thighs for my vlog. And then take you home to meet my parents.
MEGHAN: I, uh, okay.
TILA: And gaw, I’m like, just so glad we hooked up on Twitter! Ha… you can actually say “I hooked up with Tila Tequila… on Twitter.”
MEGHAN: Yeah… I… could?
TILA: It’s just that when I found that you like, fully looked up to me, I just sooooo wanted to like, reach out, like to a little sis or an um, like, rabid fan, or whatever. I can’t believe you’re my rabid fan! I love that!
MEGHAN: Oh girl, I love you. But I don’t know if you could call me a “rabid fan,” per se. It’s not really like that. I just think it’s cool that you–
TILA: Make out with chicks.
MEGHAN: Well, not–
TILA: Have beautiful, big tits.
MEGHAN: I mean–
TILA: Hate the gooks.
MEGHAN: You–wait, what?
TILA: You wanna “If You Seek Amy!” Girrrrl!!!
MEGHAN: Um, Tila, I think I might just going through a rebellious stage. I hate my parents. My mom’s a robot.
TILA: Mine too!
MEGHAN: That’s awesome.
TILA: I know. So annnyways, when I realized we were going to lunch, I was like, we’re gonna dress all ladylike, right? So I’m gonna wear a little black dress and my classiest stilettos! And then I was all like, ohmigosh. Pearl necklace. I’ve gotta wear a pearl necklace!
MEGHAN: Are those… pearls?
TILA: Well, I mean, kinda! Anyway, pearl necklaces are like my favorite thing. If you know what I mean! [snorts]
MEGHAN: Yes, I think I do. Hey, not to get or technical or anything, but I think those balls on your necklace are more accurately meant to appear “pearl-like.”
TILA: [suddenly emotional] Girl, don’t hate.
TILA: Are you being a hater?
MEGHAN: I… I’m sorry, what?
TILA: I have suffered so much hardship in my life already. And when you’re on top [snorts], people just want to take you down. They wanna be haters! And I say, fuck the haters!
MEGHAN: Tila, I’m not… I’m not hating.
TILA: Fuck the haters! Don’t be a hater! Don’t breaka my stride, girl! Don’t hate!
MEGHAN: I just spent two-hundred bucks on lunch. Why would I hate?
TILA: Girl, don’t talk about money. That’s just tacky.
MEGHAN: I just told you that!
TILA: Bitch, please! [whips out Blackberry]
MEGHAN: What are you doing?
TILA: I’m tweeting this.
MEGHAN: Oh my fucking God. You’re like a goddamn Twitter addict!
TILA: Yeah, I twitter a lot, ho! Right now I’m saying that you’re a cunty, money-grubbing, hater bitch. Should show up on your phone in a second. Oh, and now I’m saying that you take the Lord’s name in vain.
MEGHAN: Oh my god, you’re a full-on psycho.
TILA: Right now I’m tweeting that you’re a full-on psycho.
MEGHAN: I hate you.
TILA: I didn’t vote for your dad.
MEGHAN: Who cares? Neither did I!
TILA: I’m tweeting that.
MEGHAN: AUGHHHHHHH! [exits]
Filed under: Addiction, Boobs, Celebrity Twitterers, Chateau Marmont, Circus Tits, Drive-Bis, Haterasian, John McCain, Lunch, Meghan McCain, Odd Couples, Rebellion, Shameless Photo Ops, Tila Tequila, Twitter