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Help Katie Holmes Buy a New Pair of Jeans
Guys, can we be serious for one sweaty summer minute? Most of you know that my parents (as well as Diana’s) were immigrants to this country. And, like many new arrivals, they went through tough times feeding their kids, finding jobs, getting their green cards, etc. In the early part of my childhood, we were flat-broke all the time. We didn’t have money to buy a house or furniture or new cars, so we survived for years on hand-me-downs and crap from the Salvation Army. Clothes were also considered a luxury. My brother and I would only get one pair of jeans at a time, and wear them until we blew out the knees, then my mom or grandmother would patch them, then we’d wear them some more until they were faded, filthy, and totally falling apart before we could buy a new pair.
I’ve noticed lately that Katie Holmes seems to be afflicted with the same problem.
She’s been wearing one pair of jeans day in and day out, and, frankly, it hurts me to see this. The most heartbreaking thing about those jeans is that they’re not even hers! She had to borrow them just so she wouldn’t leave the house naked. That’s some messed-up shit, y’all (although, weirdly, she seems to have no shortage of shoes).
Anyway, having been through this myself, I feel like we have to do something. Like gay marriage and free speech, it’s a basic civil right to be able to own more than one pair of jeans. Diana and I have started an online petition called “Help Katie Holmes Buy a New Pair of Jeans.” Our sincerest hope is that we will garner enough signatures to convince corporate sponsors to donate a new pair of jeans to Katie. And all you have to do is sign on the dotted line.
WE REALLY NEED YOUR HELP, PEOPLE. I’m afraid Katie’s jeans don’t have much time left in them. Please don’t wait–act now.
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Filed under: Big Jeans, Charity Missions, Denim, Help Katie Holmes Buy a New Pair of Jeans, Katie Holmes, Scientology, Sisterhood of the Traveling Jeans, Tom Cruise, Unfunny Stuff
Cat Power to the People
Singer-songwriter-cover queen Cat Power, née Chan Marshall, has been touring India and Bangladesh this month on behalf of charity: water, a non-profit that provides clean water to impoverished areas around the world. Marshall’s new cover album, Jukebox, also drops January 22nd, around which time she will be kicking off her musical world tour.
I’ve seen Cat Power twice in concert. The first time was before she famously got on the wagon, at the Troubadour. At that show, she was glued to a bottle of Jose Cuervo, got wasted, started and stopped one song at the piano 7 times while muttering to herself, disappeared and began to sing using her wireless mic from some other part of the club where she couldn’t be seen, came back and did a bizarrely perky lip-sync of a Swoosh song, disappeared again, came back and wandered through the crowd dead-eyed, got down on her knees in the middle of the crowd, sang some more, and then disappeared for the third time, ending the show early. Her backup band just rolled their eyes the entire show and looked depressed. Everyone shuffled out of the club shell-shocked. I thought she would be dead in six months.
But then she got sober and released The Greatest, which was actually not the greatest record, but I believe in second chances. So I saw her again in concert this past September. She was still awkward, kicking around the stage in her white jazz shoes, shrugging her shoulders, getting the crowd to like her by being so teeny and cute as indie chicks are wont to do, and sneaking off now and then to the wings to steal a smoke. She seemed, however, upbeat, and there were no real off-putting antics. That said, I was bored out of my gourd. The music, despite her magical, smoky voice, sounded very adult-contemporary, flat, monotonous, and forgettable.
Cat Power isn’t making it out to L.A. to tour Jukebox. But when she does eventually come west, I won’t get suckered in a third time; I’ll spend my money buying a toilet for someone in Bangalore instead.
Click here to find out more about charity: water.
Filed under: Adorable But Intolerable, Cat Power Bores Me, Charity Missions, Clean Water, Cover Songs, Indie Rock, Jukebox, Overrated Songstresses
