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Last week, I caught up with the goings-on of NY fashion week almost entirely through the musings of our pals The Fug Girls for NY Mag, who thankfully survived a 20-minute fashionista pileup at the Erin Fetherston show, multiple uses of those hideous Port-a-Johns in Lincoln Center, and about a zillion (which is probably a zillion too many) sightings of the newly-single Vanessa Hudgens:
But aside from The Fug Girls’ fun anecdotes, stories about this annual fashion clusterfuck tend to just annoy and/or confuse me. Maybe I’m grouchy because I need a new bag. And some new booties. And a new brown pleather minidress. And I’m suffering from a raging case of lady hormones. And I’m freezing my arse off (LA’s in the 50s right now–but it feels like 37 degrees in my house), so looking at a bunch of skinny people with bare legs instead of winter coats in February in cold-ass New York just makes me feel COLDER.
Now London is celebrating its own Fashion Week, and I can’t seem to deal with it either. My fingers are freezing just as I type the word “fashion.” Is that why I can’t look at these pictures of you outside the Burberry show, Gemma Chang? Whoever you are? Who are you?
Filed under: Alexander Wang, Alexander Wang's Niece, Alla Goldman, Burberry, Chanel, Clusterfucks, Fashion Shows, Fashion Victims, Fashion Weak, Fashion Week, Fug Girls, Gemma Chang Who Are You?, Go Fug Yourself, Lady Hormones, London, London Fashion Week, Maggie Cheung Rules, New York, New York Fashion Week, Strappy Sandals Make Me Vomit, Vanessa Hudgens
JEN: Attention, Ebates shoppers…
DIANA: (channeling Bono) “Uno, Dos, Tres… Catorce! (14?) Hallo… hallo…”
DIANA: My parents used to tell me that they got me as a baby at a Blue Light Special.
JEN: That reminds me…did you hear about the meth heads who tried to sell their baby outside a Wal-Mart? Too bad your parents weren’t there, cuz the baby was a bargain, only $25! And Ebates has a 1% cash back deal with Wal-Mart, so…
DIANA: They also could’ve put it on eBay, which has a 1-3% Ebate.
JEN: The meth really clouded their judgment.
DIANA: Hear that, kids? Just say NO.
JEN: Enough about discount babies, what did you buy using our Ebates cashola?
DIANA: Well…first, I had to get a replacement foundation for the one I lost in Oklahoma last month. Sigh. Somewhere in the rural backwoods of Tulsa, some hotel employee is walking around with a really dewy, smooth, flawless complexion. Bitch! It’s the Chanel Vitalumière in 41, Natural Beige. SPF 15, so I don’t get too tan in the face and look, as my Hardass Asian Grandma would say, “like a worker.”
JEN: You are naturally tan in the face though!
DIANA: Yeah. My grandma always frowned and made the clucking sound: “Ohhhh… you Continue reading Diana and Jen’s Excellent Ebates Shopping Adventure [Sponsored]
Filed under: Asians Love Discounts, Chanel, Clogs, Costco, Earwax, Ebates, Exes Suck, Hardass Asian Moms, Hygiene, IKEA, Madewell, Magazines, Masochism, Nordstrom, Real Doll, Sephora, Twilight, U2, ValueMags, Yoga
No excessive tanning required.
Just when we thought Chanel had totally and irrevocably gone down the chitter…
If the tumbling world economy doesn’t kill the luxe House of Chanel (Lawd, please, no!), I do worry that an icky epidemic of sublebrity surrogates will.
I mean, as if this display alone isn’t bad enough…
…then (Ewwww!) THIS should do the trick:
Ultra-shame is the nail in the coffin, guys. The nail in the coffin.
Filed under: Bobby Trendy, Bringing Down the House, Chanel, Economic Crisis, Famous-For-Nothings, Heidi Montag, karl lagerfeld, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Puke, Shame by Celebrity Proxy, Sublebrities
Remember. It’s not about whether or not you can afford to buy anything at Chanel [purrs].
What’s important is if, after glancing at a paparazzi photo of you with your ass-cheek-baring, Wet Seal denim shorts, cheap blue contacts, dirty knee boots, and just-bought treasures in hand, Intern Jasmine wonders innocently:
“[Maybe she's] like my mom, who saves shopping bags from fancy department stores and then reuses them to carry her lunch around.”
In which case… we’re looking at a great-looking lunch.
Dear Fuck God,
First of all, let me thank you for all of my wonderful gifts. Thank you for my luscious weave, my bodacious fake tits, and my wonderful husband. Thank you for convincing my mother to give me the space that I need, mostly ‘cuz I feel she is a stupid and dumb, fat bitch anyway.
Next, I would like to say sorry for a couple of things. I am sorry that I voted for John McCain. I am sorry that I brought shame to the House of Chanel. I am sorry that I tried to bring shorts back into style.
Finally, I would like to ask for forgiveness. I would like to apologize for all of Spence’s and my staged photo-shoots, particularly the most recent one in which Spencer and I pretended to get martial arts training. Listen, I know they’re really annoying. I know we look ridiculous, but here’s the thing–I feel like we’ve basically signed our souls away to the Fuck Devil. Fuck God, at this point, unless I want to just bow out of life completely, I’ve got no choice but to keep up this douchery. So I’m sorry, so sorry, and wish that instead of pretending to fight in these last photos, Spence and I were actually, truly beating the shit out of each other, perhaps to the death, so that we could put each other out of our misery and make the world a happier, better place.
Anyway, gotta go. We’ve got a rezzie at the Ivy for “lunch.”
Filed under: Apologies, Chanel, Disappointing Your Parents, Douchebags, Fake Tits, Famous-For-Nothings, Heidi Montag, John McCain, Martial Arts, Prayer Hands, Shameless Photo Ops, Spencer Pratt, The Fuck God
The next time you invite Jen over to play “dress up like a suburban housewife bank robber in the 80s while I take pictures and scream ‘Fabulous! Fabulous!’ at the top of my lungs,” please credit her properly in the resulting ad campaign.
We make very few requests.
P.S. Keep on rocking the lucite. It’s weird.
P. P.S. Please send presents! I’m feeling needy!
But somehow, on the Cannes red carpet, you make Chanel look as crazy and awkward as a giraffe dancing at a disco. Don’t you DARE call me random for making that remark. YOU’RE RANDOM! LOOK AT YOU!
I know what you’re thinking: Diana and Jen will never be happy. And perhaps you’re right.
April 2, 2007 — “PEOPLE always say I’m an empire. Ralph Lauren is an empire. Chanel. Armani. Not me!” – Vera Wang to Elle.Com
More “fashion” “news” from L.A.:
Pictured is model Devon Aoki, of Too Fast, Too Furious fame, daughter of Rocky “Benihana” Aoki. She was snapped last night at the Bebe show. Bebe–that’s French for “baby” or, in the case of this “fashion house,” FLAMMABLE HOOKER PANTS.
You used to be the face of CHANEL–that’s French for AWESOME. Then again, so was this creature: