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Happy birthday Chan Ho Park! We hope you had a fantastic 37th birthday yesterday.
It took me a long time to write this post, because I accidentally fell down a wormhole of googling hot pictures of you in your beard (of which there are many). You know I have a thing for beards!
Anyway, instead I’ve used a current snap of you in your new Yankees gear just to get this post out the door. Eventually I realized that, beard or no beard, you’ll never really look quite so hot as you chould… if you’re a YANKEE.
Oh yeah, and happy birthday anyway!
(Hi Jen, go Red Sox!)
So, I was wrong, apparently? (What an unfamiliar and awful sensation. May it never happen again.) Because Chan Ho Park recently disclosed why he sucked on Opening Day, and it had nothing to do with his missing beard.
Some people think it’s funny–and, in this case, it is very VERY funny–but it’s really rotten and runny and it will eff up your ERA, too.
Filed under: Asian Baseball Players, Chan Ho Park, Chan Ho Park Diarrhea, Chan Ho Park Yankees, Chan Ho Park's Beard, Diarrhea, Diarrhea Of the Mouth, Funny Stuff, MLB, New York Yankees, Overshares, Oversharing, Relief Pitchers, TMI
Opening Day of baseball began with a moment of silence for the death of…
Oh, Chan Ho Park’s Beard. We hardly knew you. Your life was cut short–no pun intended, this is a eulogy for fuck’s sake–and you did not make it long enough–ahem–to see your first year. But you accomplished great things in the precious little time you were with us. Is it a coincidence that around the time of your birth, The Face That Wore You had one of his best seasons in recent history? We think not. Is it a coincidence that only after you arrived, The Face That Wore You pitched in his first World Series? Nay.
Yet The Face That Wore You never understood your magic. He began to doubt you back in October, when his team lost to The Team That Forbids You. Surely it was then, as he witnessed their beard-murdering faces, one after the other, beating down his tribe with their wood clubs, that he began to plot your end. And later when The Face That Wore You switched allegiances to The Team That Forbids You, he all but signed your death sentence. Is it any wonder that in his first outing without you, victory eluded him? Does The Face That Wore You have any idea that, without you, he’s doomed to failure (in baseball and in hotness)?