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Heroezzzz Creator Tim Kring Apologizes for Anus Horribilis

November 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
“Tiny Tim” Kring and DISGRASIAN’s favorite castrato Masi Oka


Many of you have read by now that Heroezzzz creator Tim Kring spoke to Entertainment Weekly from the picket line on the first day of the Writers’ Strike Monday (which we support a quick, fair resolution to from the asstard studios, as it has put many friends out of work and made them emotionally needy, not to mention day-drinkers) to shamelessly promote his show that is soon to be in reruns, in which he apologized to Heroezzzzzzz fans for the show’s Royal Suckage this season. Below, please find a few excerpts from EW’s story, along with our translasians:

HIRO WAS IN JAPAN WAY TOO LONG Hiro’s (Masi Oka) time-bending adventure in 17th-century Japan — where he mentored samurai hero Takezo Kensei (David Anders) — finally came to an end on Nov. 5. But Kring says it ”should have [lasted] three episodes. We didn’t give the audience enough story to justify the time we allotted it.”

TRANSLASIAN: Jen and Diana were right. That whole White Samurai storyline was bullshit, not to mention totally ricist. I am so ashamed. I wish I had the nuts to commit seppuku.

YOUNG LOVE STINKS Kring regrets sticking Claire (Hayden Panettiere) with a super-dud boyfriend and forcing Hiro to moon over a cutesy princess. ”I’ve seen more convincing romances on TV,” he admits. ”In retrospect, I don’t think romance is a natural fit for us.”

TRANSLASIAN: Claire’s boyfriend was convincing as a high-schooler 8 years ago in Election, when he played the kid who ratted out Matthew Broderick. This season, he just seemed like a perv with a “power” who liked underage midget girls.

Icky Hump


And Masi Oka’s Hiro is a doughy mess. He and the princess had about as much chemistry as me before I pop a Cialis and a cheap hooker with genital warts. Please, Jen and Diana, stop hatin’ on me. It’s true, I was cockblocked by a cute Asian chick/dude at a bar once and I have a thing against your people. I am currently working that out in group therapy. Forgive me.

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Masi Oka: AmbASSador

November 5th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

We recently read that Masi Oka was named ambASSador to a non-profit called OLPC. Before we learned more about OLPC, we could only imagine what the organization’s purpose was.


An international Fisting Love campaign?

A support group for men who speak like castratos? Or Asians who speakee the Engrish?

Then we discovered that OLPC stands for One Laptop per Child. OLPC seeks to provide low-cost personal computers (for around $100) to children in developing nations. And why did they hire Masi as their ambASSador?

Dude just looks so hot caressing a computer.

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