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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Even Ninjas Have Bieber Fever
Everyone knows Justin Bieber has a badass bodyguard who’ll fuck you up if you try to harm a hair on the Biebs’ $750 coiffure. Which explains why the various Bieber-hater clans of the Internet resorted to hiring ninjas to infiltrate last night’s Grammys and destroy him.
The mercenaries came to the totally culturally irrelevant awards ceremony armed with throwing stars, poison darts, and their cloaks of invisibility to carry out their mission (and possibly catch a glimpse of Gaga getting hatched from an egg before, a sight not even ninjas get to see every day). But not long after the chorus to Bieber’s hit “Never Say Never” kicked in with “and there’s just no turning back/when your heart’s under attack,” the ninjas hired to kill the 16 year-old pop sensation realized that that was exactly what was happening to them.
Their cold ninja hearts were under attack, besieged with fever…Bieber Fever.
I could fall on him and snap his neck with my bare hands and no one would ever know what happened. But he's just so goddern adorbs! <333
Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Even Ninjas Have Bieber Fever
Filed under: Beliebers, Bieber, Bieber Fans Attack Esperanza Spalding's Wikipedia, Bieber Fans More Deadly Than Ninjas, Bieber Haters, Canadians, Crazy Bieber Fans, Esperanza Spalding, Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber Ninja Backup Dancers, Lady Gaga Hatches From an Egg, Mercenaries, Ninjas, Ninjas Have Bieber Fever, Teen Pop Sensations, the Biebs, The Grammys, Usher, Who the Fuck Says Who the Heck Anyway?
ROCK OF ASIAN: Legaci aka LGC aka Justin Bieber’s Backup Biebs
Until recently, I knew very little about tween pop phenom Justin Bieber except that he once performed a sold-out free show at the garish outlet mall (you can see it from an airplane!) fifteen minutes from my house, has monopolized Twitter’s trending topics for nearly two months, and apparently has the same weave as Tiger’s quack porn flame, Joslyn James.
But hey, I kinda like the kid. He’s got a sweet little Cinderella story (a young, cute, Canadian YouTube sensation gets discovered by a fancy manager who turns a few mall appearances into international superstardom and a Billboard #1 album). He seems sweet. He’s got a young Joey McIntyre’s pipes. And he kinda reminds me of Hayley Mills.
So I can see why Bay Area R&B outfit Legaci (aka LGC) decided to cover Bieber’s sugary, chart-topping hit, “Baby”–it’s addictive in a modern doo-wop sort of way. Just a month ago, Legaci posted a magical living room performance of the song for YouTube with sultry-voiced Cathy Nguyen and smooth talker Traphik, which has clocked nearly Continue reading ROCK OF ASIAN: Legaci aka LGC aka Justin Bieber’s Backup Biebs
Filed under: Backup Singers, Canadians, Cindarella Stories, Citadel Outlet Mall, Cropped 'Dos, Cuteness, Discovery, Hair Trends, Hayley Mills, Josyln James, Justin Bieber, Legaci, LGC, Mall Stars, Porn Stars, Tiger Woods Sex Scandal, Trending Topics, Tween Stars, Twitter, YouTube Sensations
Canadians And Their Curious Milk-Dispensing Ways
I spent five years of my early childhood in Canada, and when we eventually moved back to Texas, one of the things that really tripped me up was how no one in the States drank milk out of a bag. The first lunch at my American elementary school was totally traumatic because I didn’t know how to open a milk carton. I observed the other kids opening theirs and tried faking it, but I wound up trying to open it from the wrong end, only to make a papery mess of things. I’m pretty sure the other kids thought I was retarded.
(The other lunchtime item I had never encountered during my time in the Great White North? Tater tots. A travesty!)
Years later, someone is finally exposing this great cultural divide. Phew.
[via BuzzFeed]
Filed under: Canadians, Canadiasians, Cultural Differences, Cultural Divides, Lunchtime Traumas, Milk Cartons, Milk Out of a Bag, Tater Tots
BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!
Hot Canadiasian hunk o’ hockey meat, Paul Kariya, turns 34 today, so we’d like to sing him a little tune:
Happy birthday to Paul
Happy birthday to Paul
Happy birthday dear Paul
Happy birthday to Paul
And many more (photos of you with your shirt off maybe your pants too)…
Filed under: Asian Babes, Canadians, Canadiasians, Hockey Players, Mighty Ducks, Mixed People, Paul Kariya, Pucks, Shirtless Men, St. Louis Blues
Shanghai There, Eh!
Avril Lavigne in Shanghai, China on August 15
Filed under: Avril Lavigne, Canadians, I've Listened Hard and Homeslice isn't Singing Mandarin, Pink Hair Flashes, Pop Stars, Shanghai
Hey (Hey!) You (You!), I Don’t Think You’re Asian
I’ve thought of shaming Canadian pop princess Avril Lavigne for a number of reasons, though I admit to loving her just a wee bit–she’s tiny, she’s purty, and I’ll be damned if her songs ain’t just as catchy as a venereal disease.
Never mind that I blame her as the figurehead for the proliferation of the Hot Topic generation–a loathsome bunch guilty of homogenizing punk attire and invalidating the epic cool of studded belts to such a degree that they will likely never recover. Never mind that she’s been accused of plagiarism multiple times, most recently by 1970s band The Rubinoos, who are currently suing over some pretty noticeable song theft in her mega-hit “Girlfriend.”
No, the real shame comes from the Mandarin “version” of the aforementioned mega-hit, which has been circulating the Net for some time now…
…which basically substitutes disconcertingly chipmunk-like Mandarin phrases for bits of the chorus.
Why not rock the whole song in Mandarin? Maybe her translator dropped the ball?
Avril might just be the first person in history unable to find good, cheap, Chinese labor.
Filed under: Avril Lavigne, Canadians, Four Lines In A Chorus Does Not a Mandarin Version Make, Plagiarism Ain't Asian, Ripping off Punk Rock, The Rubinoos, Tiny People
