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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Even Ninjas Have Bieber Fever

February 14th, 2011 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Everyone knows Justin Bieber has a badass bodyguard who’ll fuck you up if you try to harm a hair on the Biebs’ $750 coiffure. Which explains why the various Bieber-hater clans of the Internet resorted to hiring ninjas to infiltrate last night’s Grammys and destroy him.

The mercenaries came to the totally culturally irrelevant awards ceremony armed with throwing stars, poison darts, and their cloaks of invisibility to carry out their mission (and possibly catch a glimpse of Gaga getting hatched from an egg before, a sight not even ninjas get to see every day). But not long after the chorus to Bieber’s hit “Never Say Never” kicked in with “and there’s just no turning back/when your heart’s under attack,” the ninjas hired to kill the 16 year-old pop sensation realized that that was exactly what was happening to them.

Their cold ninja hearts were under attack, besieged with fever…Bieber Fever.

I could fall on him and snap his neck with my bare hands and no one would ever know what happened. But he's just so goddern adorbs! <333

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ROCK OF ASIAN: Legaci aka LGC aka Justin Bieber’s Backup Biebs

April 7th, 2010 | 9 comments | Posted by Diana

Until recently, I knew very little about tween pop phenom Justin Bieber except that he once performed a sold-out free show at the garish outlet mall (you can see it from an airplane!) fifteen minutes from my house, has monopolized Twitter’s trending topics for nearly two months, and apparently has the same weave as Tiger’s quack porn flame, Joslyn James.


But hey, I kinda like the kid. He’s got a sweet little Cinderella story (a young, cute, Canadian YouTube sensation gets discovered by a fancy manager who turns a few mall appearances into international superstardom and a Billboard #1 album). He seems sweet. He’s got a young Joey McIntyre’s pipes. And he kinda reminds me of Hayley Mills.


So I can see why Bay Area R&B outfit Legaci (aka LGC) decided to cover Bieber’s sugary, chart-topping hit, “Baby”–it’s addictive in a modern doo-wop sort of way. Just a month ago, Legaci posted a magical living room performance of the song for YouTube with sultry-voiced Cathy Nguyen and smooth talker Traphik, which has clocked nearly Continue reading ROCK OF ASIAN: Legaci aka LGC aka Justin Bieber’s Backup Biebs

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Canadians And Their Curious Milk-Dispensing Ways

February 2nd, 2010 | 16 comments | Posted by Jen

I spent five years of my early childhood in Canada, and when we eventually moved back to Texas, one of the things that really tripped me up was how no one in the States drank milk out of a bag. The first lunch at my American elementary school was totally traumatic because I didn’t know how to open a milk carton. I observed the other kids opening theirs and tried faking it, but I wound up trying to open it from the wrong end, only to make a papery mess of things. I’m pretty sure the other kids thought I was retarded.

(The other lunchtime item I had never encountered during my time in the Great White North? Tater tots. A travesty!)

Years later, someone is finally exposing this great cultural divide. Phew.

[via BuzzFeed]

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

October 16th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Hot Canadiasian hunk o’ hockey meat, Paul Kariya, turns 34 today, so we’d like to sing him a little tune:

Happy birthday to Paul
Happy birthday to Paul
Happy birthday dear Paul
Happy birthday to Paul

And many more (photos of you with your shirt off maybe your pants too)…

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Shanghai There, Eh!

August 15th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana
Avril Lavigne in Shanghai, China on August 15

“Hey guys! I really love China. Xie Xie. Thank you so much for having me. I’ve really enjoyed making pop–er, sorry–punk music for the last couple years. Do you want me to sing for you? I’ve been practicing my Mandarin. Want me to show you? Hey! (Hey!) You! (You!) Do you want me to show you? Shinghowhowdamanechohooo. You don’t understand what that means? Hmm. Oh well! Konichiwa? Um. I’m Canadian, Eh! Buy my album!”

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Hey (Hey!) You (You!), I Don’t Think You’re Asian

July 25th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I’ve thought of shaming Canadian pop princess Avril Lavigne for a number of reasons, though I admit to loving her just a wee bit–she’s tiny, she’s purty, and I’ll be damned if her songs ain’t just as catchy as a venereal disease.

Never mind that I blame her as the figurehead for the proliferation of the Hot Topic generation–a loathsome bunch guilty of homogenizing punk attire and invalidating the epic cool of studded belts to such a degree that they will likely never recover. Never mind that she’s been accused of plagiarism multiple times, most recently by 1970s band The Rubinoos, who are currently suing over some pretty noticeable song theft in her mega-hit “Girlfriend.”

No, the real shame comes from the Mandarin “version” of the aforementioned mega-hit, which has been circulating the Net for some time now…

…which basically substitutes disconcertingly chipmunk-like Mandarin phrases for bits of the chorus.

Why not rock the whole song in Mandarin? Maybe her translator dropped the ball?

Avril might just be the first person in history unable to find good, cheap, Chinese labor.

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