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For Japan, The World Cup Is Half Empty

July 1st, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

Yesterday’s Japan vs. Paraguay elimination game was one of the most arduous, intense—even cinematic of the World Cup so far.

It wasn’t a pretty game, but it was tight. Regulation play (90 minutes) ended in a draw. Overtime (30 minutes) ended in a draw. And then came the shootout (see video below… worst moment in the world at 4:05):

Both teams played head-to-head as long as possible, and in the end, it came down to ten kick attempts. In the Cup’s only shootout so far, Paraguay didn’t miss a penalty kick, and Japan did. The shootout ended at 5-3… with many tears.

Komano, after the failed penalty kick

Continue reading For Japan, The World Cup Is Half Empty

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Nicole Scherzinger + Slash = NONONO (squared)

October 14th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Ladies and gentlemen, a lesson in, um, Physics.

Nicole Scherzinger just laid down a track on Slash’s new album, Slash and Friends.

Worse than the vision of Limbaugh with The Rams

And we just deleted him from our Facebook friends.

It’s called friendship balance, people! Balance. Hey, we’re just trying to keep the world intact. We can’t argue with science, for crying out loud.

[ContactMusic: Scherzinger Recording With Slash]


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Finally, Asians Score Well on a Test!

August 26th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The following headline appeared in the Wall Street Journal today:

At first I was like, “Fucking woo-hoo! We rule!”

And yeah, we do rule, as the ethnic group taking the largest strides with rising SAT scores last year.

But then I realized that the numbers tell a darker story: that a generation’s worth of education reform in our country has failed to strengthen the overall performance of all minority groups.

Which means we’ve all failed.

Fuck! Boo.

[WSJ: SAT Scores Fall as Gap Widens; Asians Gain]
[via @channelapa]


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Shrink Fast!

January 5th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I saw this headline in today’s WSJ

…and was like, Whoa, sweet! China’s making therapists now, too? Great news!!! Maybe that’ll make sessions in Hell-lay more affordable, if not slightly more expedient! Maybe this is a giant leap for Asiankind, because it means that we’re not so scared to admit that life sucks for everybody and we need to deal with it and what better way than looking up at the ceiling and free-associating pretty much everything from the sky to our road rage with the relationships we have with our parents?

Turns out, however, that the Chinese manufacturing sector has really just shrunken. That’s actually kinda bad news.


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Condi Rice on International Relasians

December 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice arrived for an emergency condolence visit in India this week, an effort to smooth over relations between India and Pakistan during the shaky after-effects of the recent Mumbai terrorist attacks.

Indian and Afghan officials have accused Pakistan of being accountable for the incursions, after the perpetrator in custody was confirmed by India’s officials as being Pakistani (and sang that his compatriots, are too).

Pakistani President Zardari has stated that Pakistan is “in no way responsible” for the aggression, instead offering that the terrorists are likely “stateless actors who have been operating all throughout the region.” This, of course, is unsatisfying to Indian officials that are still grappling for an answer to the violence.

From AP:

Rice [says] Pakistan bears a “special responsibility” to help get to the bottom of the attacks while awkwardly declining to finger Pakistani militants outright.

Rice continued to offer solutions during her talks with Pakistan, whispering*, “Hey, we got this. Just work with me here, and we’ll get some intel that proves Iraq did this in no time.”

*Not true. So not true. Totally fictional. Right?

Source Source Source

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It’s Official: We’re In A Rec-Asian

December 1st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

It has been declared, finally, by the National Bureau of Economic Research: the U.S. has been in a recession since December 2007.

Jeez, we’re super smart– we called it a long time ago! (Then again, so did all of the average-brained folks, so I guess that’s not saying much.)

So, what to do in such times of financial crisis? Cry? Drink? Steal? We could do like Warren Buffet and invest in American products. And I’m sure I don’t need to remind you, but DISGRASIAN is American. And y’know, “investing” in us is pretty much free–just click on over, and freely imbibe in the sweet/salty liquor of our shaming!

Enjoy the free fun of DISGRASIAN, day in and day out. It’s free! Did I mention that it’s free?


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No Doubtful

November 24th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Gwen Stefani’s ska-pop launching pad, No Doubt, has announced an official reunion tour (via an unlikely iChat conversation) on their official website.

That’s good news for those of us who holiday-skanked to “Oi to the World” during the mid-nineties, cry whenever they listen to the lyrics of “Bathwater,” have a crush on Tony Kanal, or are willing to forgive a band of Orange County brats that traveled to the islands, messed around with a few steel drums, emerged with a record splattered with grafitti font, and called the whole damn thing Rock Steady as if it could embody the spirit of a whole genre. Good news. Great news!

But bad news indeed for a couple of silent Harajuku Girls, who, now out of work, might finally have a reason to look so glum:

…I mean, what do you put on the application for Unemployment under “former occupation?” Puppet? Yellow slave? Somebody’s silent biatch?


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Study Up, Miss World

November 11th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


It looks like the Hardass Asian Officials of my homeland have dethroned their lovely Miss Vietnam, 18-year-old Tran Thi Thuy Dung (pictured right), following government investigators’ discovery that she did not complete high school. Tran was taken out of school by her mother earlier this year, in order to prepare for a high-school equivalency qualification to improve her odds of studying in the U.S.

Currently, no suitable replacement has been found. The Wall Street Journal reports:

Shocked, Ministry of Culture officials stripped 18-year-old Tran Thi Thuy Dung of her most coveted prize — the right to represent Vietnam at this month’s Miss World contest in Johannesburg. Government officials in Hanoi are now trying to find a suitable candidate to send to South Africa. So far, they’ve drawn a blank.

Uh, whoops. I hate to butt in on this one or whatever, but, ah, I’m not convinced that a high school diploma is really all that important for a beauty contestant. I mean, really.

Just sayin’… My advice is to bag the search for the replacement and get this dummy back up on that catwalk! Let’s win it in Johannesburg for the motha country!!!


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August 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Name: Liu Xiang

Age: 25

Hails from: China

Known for: Being the first Chinese athlete ever to achieve the athletics “triple crown”–World Record Holder, World Champion and Olympic Champion–in the 100m hurdles.

Our hats go off to him for attempting to race through the pain this weekend in defense of his titles, even with a fuzzed-up Achilles tendon…the “face” of China’s games trying so hard to save face. Even though he was ultimately forced to bow out, he did so with effort and honor, and we’ve gotta give him credit for that (even though we’re pretty sure his Hardass Asian Parents/Friends/Fans/Media won’t).

Source Source Source

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The Guvnah’s Resignasian

March 12th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Well, we’re afraid the Associated Press has called it:

“Gov. Eliot Spitzer resigned in disgrace today…”

…and to that, there are so many things one could say to Spitzer right now. For instance:


“Was ‘Kristen’ very clean?”

“Does this mean you’re no longer a superdelegate?”

“Our parents are disappointed in you.”

“Does this mean our lunch is off?”

“Wednesday! We thought you’d hold out until at least Friday.”

Instead, I think I’ll just say what I actually keep thinking:

“Elliot. This is a a major bummer, a truly tragic affair. I feel for you and the fact that you’ve been singled out in this insane scandal, that your career is destroyed, that instead of being remembered for cleaning up New York you will forever be known as ‘Client 9.’ The media keeps discussing how you and your career might bounce back from this. But I don’t even care, really, when it comes down to it. The real victims here are your family: your pretty wife, your teenage daughters. I picture them, humiliated, their heads hung in shame, broken-hearted by the broken image of their dad. Will they bounce back?”


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Party Pooper

July 27th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The Daily Telegraph reported yesterday that Kim Jong-Be-Illin’ has banned smoking in Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea, due to the fact that he had major heart surgery in May, which was due to the fact that, for most of his life, the dude has famously binged on food, drunk copious amounts of liquor, and smoked a ton.

I spy with my little eye, something that looks an awful lot like a pack of ciggie butts

First Illin’ bans karaoke and internet cafes, and now this?

No fair.

No fun.


(special thanks to Thomas for the special effects)

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