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Delasianal
Well gosh, when you put it the way Dubya does…
…the country actually sounds like it’s doing GREAT!!! Woo hoo!
*Not actual text of George W. Bush’s farewell address
Filed under: Buh Bye, Countries In the Shitter, Delusion, Failure, George W. Bush, George W. Bush Farewell Address, Goodbyes, It's Finally Over (Almost), Total and Complete Failure, Worst President Ever
America’s Next Top Model: Eliminasian
Alas, alack, we’ll have to wait ’til next year for an Asian-American Top Model. Sheena Sakai was eliminated from ANTM last night after turning in another boring photo, which seemed to be her only way of responding to the judges’ constant criticism that girlfriend was too hoochie. Despite my enthusiasm for Sheena in the beginning, she was starting to work my last nerve, always picking fights in the house and getting on her soapbox, spoken word-style, about things that were really none of her beeswax, like Marjorie’s shyness or Elina’s control issues (both tired subjects, admittedly). She did handle her exit with restraint, however, without tears or drrrrrrama or uttering that horribly cliché but now de rigueur reality TV closing line, “This isn’t the last you’ve seen of (me in the third person).” Okay, she offered up a version of that–”I’m not going to be forgotten”–but then contradicted herself immediately with “and hopefully, I won’t be,” as though she had finally seen the bullshit in her own bluster. Was this a farewell to fakery for Sheena Sakai, i.e. what is she going to do about those boobs? Tits not for me to say, really.
Filed under: America's Next Top Model, ANTM, Boobs, Buh Bye, Fake Tits, Fakery, Farewells, Hawaiians, Hoochie Mamas, Reality TV, Sheena Sakai, Tyra Banks
Mitt Romney Is a Silly Name
The great white hope for Conservatives in Election ’08, Mitt Romney, announced today that he has suspended his campaign for the Republican Party Presidensial nominasian. We at DISGRASIAN are sad to see him go–BFHFHAHAHAA–we’d been rooting for him all alo–PFFFTFTFTFTFHHF–and we…HAHAHAHAAHA.
Sorry, but Mitt Romney for President? Just the thought of it always gave us tummy giggles. Or wait, maybe those were vomit shivers. Oh well, fare thee well, Romney!
Filed under: Buh Bye, Conservatards, Mitt Romey, Presidential Candidates, Quitting, Silly Names, Stepping Down, The 2008 Presidential Election
And Then There Were Two
Clearly worried about forever being known as “Mister Third Place” (or as we described to Rudy Giuliani yesterday, “First Loser to the First Loser”), John Edwards officially announced his exit from the Presidential Race today.
Of course we’re sad to see him and his perfectly-coifed hair step down. We truly respect his furious fight for the angry middle class, and hate to see any strong-willed Democrat hang up his coat. But it really gave us the sad and uncomfy tingles watching him try to squeak into the dialogues of the last handful of debates, only to be ignored like a homely, boobless teenage girl. Hey, nobody needs to feel that left out, not this long after summer camp.
Edwards ran an admirable campaign, and we applaud him for trying. Although, let’s be honest, we’re Asian! We think quitters are LOOOOOOOOOOSERS!!!
Filed under: And then there were two, Buh Bye, Coifs, Democrats, John Edwards, Losers, Presidential Candidates, Quitting, Stepping Down, The 2008 Presidential Election
And Shinzo It Goes
DISGRASIAN Hall-of-Shamer Shinzo Abe announced that he would be stepping down as Prime Minister of Japan today, a move that a New York Times source called “unprecedented.”
Jun Iio, a professor of government at the National Graduate Institute for Policy Studies evaluates:
“Unfortunately, even though Abe had some successes as prime minister, he will be remembered for the way he resigned. Other prime ministers resigned after putting up a good fight and made the reasons for their resignation very clear. But the way Abe resigned suggests he lacked the qualifications to be prime minister in the first place.”
Admitting defeat is one thing, but proving inadequacy is quite another.
Filed under: Buh Bye, Failing Isn't Asian, Inadequacy, Maybe the New PM Will Admit to the Nanjing Atrocities, Resignasian, Self-Shaming, Shinzo Abe, Unfunny Stuff
Reverse Successism
Yesterday, the AP reported on NBA players’ reactions to the study that concluded officiating was biased. Kobe “Beef Boy” Bryant said, “I think I’ve gotten more techs from black refs than white refs…That’s reverse racism probably.”
Beef Boy. Think about it. If you’ve gotten more technical foul calls from black refs, and you think that’s “reverse racism,” then you would have to be wh–
Wait. What am I doing? I’m totally burying the headline:
Sun sets on Lakers
“Suns 119 Lakers 110: Nash and Co. beat Los Angeles in five”
Kobe Beef Tartar…yum!Racism Schmacism! Fakers lose in 5!
Click here for full story.
Filed under: Buh Bye, Kobe Beef, Kobe Bryant, LA Lakers, Officiating, Phoenix Suns, Racism Schmacism
Well, It’s Not "Wookie": Addendum
Like Jen, I too happily bid buh-bye to Mookie Lee, despicable third member of super-aggro-sausage-party alliance The Four Horsemen, from the fateful island of Survivor: Fiji. Incidentally, I was inspired to reach out to Mr. Lee and send him off with a message:
DEAR MOOKIE,
YOU SUCK. AND THIS IS WHY YOU HAD TO GO:
1) Mookie is not your real name. Oh come on. It’s Seung or Jin, isn’t it? Why you frontin’?
2) Even if Mookie is your real name, Mookie is a LAME, inelegant, pansy-ass name. It doesn’t have the suave, cucumber-cool cadence of a name like, say, Yul.
3) That fiery, vengeful hex you tried to put on Cassandra after she sent you to Exile Island was freakin’ scary. All that fire and brimstone made you look like a soulless, angry maniac. Nobody likes angry maniacs.
4) You’re grumpy, and you derive joy from making people miserable. That’s Disgrasian City, dude! You’ve clearly lived there for awhile!
5) After breaking into his stuff and rifling through his bag (any woman worth her Chanel can tell you that this is an offense punishable by death) YOU TRIED TO BLACKMAIL [AMAZIAN] YAU-MAN. What the hell is wrong with you, freak? Who dropped you as a child? Were you never given candy? Did you never play at recess? You’re a bully, and bullies are sad.
6) Jen and I can’t stop making fecal references when you come up. For about a thousand different reasons.
You won’t be missed!
Hugs and Kisses,
Diana
Filed under: Buh Bye, People Named Mookie Smell Like Dookie, Survivor, Two Asians Left
