You are currently browsing posts tagged with Brett Fat

Maggie Eww

April 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Page Six reported today that Brett Fat and Maggie Q are dating. The new couple attended a dinner together honoring documentary cinematographer Albert Maysles last week, where they reportedly got “very cozy” despite the fact that Mags did not understand the words coming out of Brett Fat’s mouth.

Thanks, Jasmine!

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They’re Ba-ack

April 15th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

While promoting Forbidden Kingdom over the weekend, Jackie Chan announced that he and Chris Tucker will reunite on the big screen, but not (thankfully) for another Rush Hour sequel. No word on whether Brett Ratner would direct, although Jackie hinted that that wasn’t happening:

“We finished ‘Rush Hour 1,’ and it was six years later that we made ‘Rush Hour 2,’ ” he said, “and then six years later we made ‘Rush Hour 3.’ It’s too long!”

TRANSLASIAN: “I’ve finally come to my senses and realized that Brett Fat is a douchey hack.”


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Michel Gondry Is French for Genius

March 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I finally watched Be Kind Rewind last night, Michel Gondry’s new valentine to moviemaking, and I could not stop giggling. Gondry’s “Sweded” version of Rush Hour 2, with Jack Black as Jackie Chan and Mos Def as Chris Tucker, is a pitch-perfect send-up of that pile of poo.

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When Worlds Collide: Happy Birthday Russell Simmons!

October 1st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen
Kimora Lee Simmons, Brett Fatner, and Russell Simmons at Russell’s “surprise” 50 & Fabulous birthday party

KIMORA: Surprise, Russell! I’m so glad that bitch Hillary didn’t blow this party for you. I was about to fuck her up.

RUSSELL: Now, now, Kimora. You’re talking about possibly the next President of the United States. And remember, we don’t say the b-word or the h-word or the n-word anymore. Not after Oprah shamed me on her show.

KIMORA: You’re right. You’re absolutely right. Gotta keep Oprah happy. Although I remember watching that show and I was, like, I think that bitch is flirting with Russell, and I’m going to fuck that bitch up. I’m sorry, I don’t care if she is Oprah Winfrey, I will fuck her up.

RUSSELL: Kimora, if you keep using the b-word, you are going to seriously skey-rew my legacy. Your mouth and the gay rumors…sheesh.

BRETT FAT: Guys, what’s wrong with the n-word? It’s all in how you say it, man. I told Jackie Chan that, but you know, with Jackie, to quote my own movie, “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”…well, that would be a negative. It’s so hard working with Chinamen, you know?

KIMORA: Bitch, you better shut the fuck up before I get all Chinky Giraffe on you.

RUSSELL: Just take the picture. (to photographer) Make me look really butch in this one or I will sic Kimora on you.


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August 10th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Celebrating his uncanny achievement of Rush Hour 3, LA Weekly stroked Brett Ratner’s wee-wee with a recrementitious feature article and accompanying puke-worthy cover:

We vomited. Many times. All over the picture-perfect popcorn. But after we got ourselves together and wiped all of the chunks off of our copy of the Weekly, we decided to design our own appropriate cover–and we think we got it right.

“Me? I don’t understand a word coming out of your mouth, nigga! HEE HEE!”

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Do We Offend?

July 31st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

So the big Rush Hour 3 premiere bash happened last night, beginning at Mann’s Chinese Theater (of course). I’m sure you’ve been looking for us in the screening and after party photos…

Are we… here?

Nope, just the Fat guy.

What about… here?

Nuh uh, not here either. But hee hee! Rook at how tiny
Jackie and other rittle people rookey next to big tall man!

Okay then, what about… here?

Sadly, no. This photo contains only DISGRASIANS,
one of which apparently still has trouble understanding Chingrish.

Well gosh, maybe the guest list was just really tight at this event. Strictly A-list. Only true artists, visionaries, pioneers of the industry, that sort of thing.

Oh wait, there’s that putrid waste of human flesh,
and she’s talking to a living, breathing, jump-kicking cartoon.

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. I’ll admit it. We weren’t invited. Maybe we weren’t important enough. Maybe there was too much to write about. Maybe they were scared to have us there.

Or maybe we just had something better to do:

…like catching up on our knitting.

…or practicing our math.


Frankly, we really didn’t want to go.

Source: Associated Press

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Two Asshats Walk Into an Edit Bay

June 14th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Two reasons not to see Rush Hour 3 this summer: “Oh c’mon, we all look alike” and “wersus.” Oh yeah, and the two asshats in this video.

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