You are currently browsing posts tagged with Breakups

When in Doubt, Blame the Pap

August 18th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Hayden Panettiere recently revealed to Company Magazine that the public and paparazzi are the source of her relationship blues, a prime example being her breakup last year with co-star ex Milo Ventimiglia.

Why Hayden?

She says:

“It’s very, very difficult and people have no idea what they do to peoples’ relationships. They destroy them. The paparazzi and the public,” [in] a revealing interview with Company Magazine. “The public wants to read about your personal life, and the paparazzi give it to them by nosing into your personal life and saying things that are just not true and horrible.”

So here’s “me,” absolutely shocked at this revelation. And horrified the public and paparazzi would and could poison a relationship so precious as that between two actors.


After all, what could be more rock solid than a union of celebrity performers? Especially involving a young hot starlet deeply embroiled in the hot club scene of Hollywood, and her decade-plus-older beau?

I’m blown away. Jaw agape.

OH! And I’m also holding the world’s smallest violin:

Play it again, Jen!

[PopCrunch: Hayden Panettiere Blames Fans, Paparazzi For Ruining Lovelife]

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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Thank You Football Gods, i.e. Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo Are No Mo’

July 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Dear Football Gods,

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG.

To those heathens who say that the Football Gods don’t exist, I say, “I pity the fool.”

To those blasphemers who would call Tony Romo breaking up with Jessica Simpson two weeks before training camp “coincidence” rather than “divine intervention,” I call bullshit.

To the non-believers who think that Romo breaking up with Jessica Simpson one day before her 29th birthday was stone cold, I think…damn, that was kinda cold, dude. Ouch.

But having ice in your veins and winning championships go together like ramma lamma lamma ka dinga da dinga dong, so I realize this is all part of your Great Plan, Football Gods.

So I praise you and I say…

So long to Bad Fuck Charms! Bring on Super Bowl XLIV! And Hallelujah, bitches!!!

[People: Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo split]

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Words That Shall Resonate No Longer: "Vanick" and "Ninessa"

June 25th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The impossible has happened.

“Amicable”

After three years of dating, some well-documented spats, and a handful of dropped “Where’s the ring?” hints, the inevitable has happened: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo, world’s least interesting sublebrity couple, have called it quits.

And no, we can’t really imagine a good reason to ever talk about this again.

[via ONTD]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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Another Round for Tila Tequila?

October 9th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Tila Tequila told a group of paps outside of L.A. club Coco de Ville this week that she and girlfriend of two months, Courtenay Semel, are over. Tila went on to say that “many numerous” (aka “a bunch of a lot of”) sources had informed her that Courtenay has a wonk wall crossed wandering eye.

Which means Tila is probably nursing a broken heart (she’s human, right?). But how is she dealing with the break-up, we wonder? Is she…

Weeping on the couch in old, tangy-smelling sweats, popping Dibs, and watching Lifetime movies starring Jenna Elfman?

Renewing her gym membership to work on her core?

Taking up crochet? Listening to the Judds’ Greatest Hits? Becoming a vegan?

Reconsidering her decision not to host the third season of A Shot at Love?

Hmm. Our guess is…

Crochet. Definitely crochet. We imagine she could knit a lean, mean thongkini if she really set her mind to it. And she always did seem like an arts-and-craftsy kinda gal, don’t you think?

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Oh, the Humiliasian

June 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


Breakups are brutal. They are life-sucking, undignified, whirlpools of emotional defeat that are almost sickening to endure. I’ve spent the aftermath of a big split crying for two weeks in the shower, only leaving the house to feel like I was being punched every time I looked at (or slept with) another male human, picking up the guitar with only one purpose: to write sad songs, slashing my hair, blowing obscene amounts of money on new clothes, drinking obscene amounts of alcohol. You feel disgusting, you look disgusting, you might even smell disgusting. No person should go through this painful period in public. It’s not right! It’s not fair.

Worse, no girl should have to follow up an unceremonious dumping by reading the play-by-play in the news. Breakups are not news. Breakups are bullshit.

So let’s agree to go easy on poor, newly-single Sarah Larson. Let’s be on her team. This is the kind of public shame that no one should have to go through alone.

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Just Another Daysian In Togethersville

April 9th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

NICK: Ah, just another dinner at DISGRASIAN’s favorite restaurant, Katsu-Ya. Dude, I’m so full of crab rolls. I need a little fresh air.

VANESSA: Nick, roll that window up. Can’t you see I’ve got something in my eye? I think it’s an eyelash.

NICK: Is it an eyelash in your eye or are you still pissed that I patted the waitress on the behind when she took the specials menu away?

VANESSA: She was pissed, not me. Remember how she called you a filthy, fat, D-lister? You better wait awhile before you go back there.

NICK: Good point.

VANESSA: That window is still down! Everyone is taking pictures! I look all irritated! Now everyone’s going to think we’ve broken up!

NICK: Are we breaking up?

VANESSA: No, stupid! We’re a celebrity couple! We brag all the time about how happy and well adjusted we are.

NICK: Right. We are really well adjusted. So we’re not breaking up, but somebody’s going to think we’ve broken up.

VANESSA: Yes, dummy. Although I’m starting to get just irritated enough to want to break up with you.

NICK: You do? You can’t do that!

VANESSA: Well I would, if it would raise either one of our StarMeters, just a little bit.

NICK: Do you think it would?

VANESSA: (sighs) No.

NICK: God, I’m so bored.

VANESSA: God, I’m so bored.

NICK: I sure hope somebody cares if we’re breaking up.

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Heart Abrasian Day

January 29th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

When I was growing up, one of the first lessons learned from my parents and sisters was not to cry at school. I believe it had something to do with survival amongst my milk-fed classmates and never letting them see me vulnerable. If you fell and skinned your knee, you sure as hell didn’t let your eyes well up. Were somebody to call you an awful name, you’d be sure to let not a tear touch your cheek.

The real bummer when it came to the “no crying” thing was that even in dire straits, you also didn’t have the option of excusing yourself. If you got in an emotional fight and then ran away from the playground, you would be giving up your territory. If you left school to go home simply because you got twelve stitches in your hand, you might appear weak. So, what to do? Don’t cry, don’t be sad.

This mentality worked rather well for most of my life. But there have been cracks in the system–I busted myself all sniffly and drippy during an emotional reality show moment three months ago and demanded an answer from my boyfriend: “WHAT ARE THESE WET THINGS ON MY FACE?” Wisely, he shrugged his shoulders, unwilling to take the blame for “spreading the disease” of tears. But, I insisted, I would never do this kind of blubbering out in public or Jesus, in front of my family, never.

But a month ago, as I sat rolling along in my mom’s black luxury sedan with my dad riding shotgun and one sister in my side, I found myself sobbing, trying to explain to them how the recent, tragic and sudden death of my other sister’s baby dog occurred. Instinctively, I found myself trying to hold in the heaves until I realized that everyone else in the car was crying, too. And both of my parents leaned over to me and said quietly, “It’s so sad. It’ll be okay.”

They’ve come around. It’s possible.

Which is why I was so delighted to see reports that an actual company in Japan has offered to their employees days off for personal relationship-grieving. That is, a person can take a day off to nurse the wounds of a bad breakup–which seems about right, especially because people tend to look like shit after throwing wine glasses at their boyfriend until 3am.

But what really surprises and gives me hope is the idea that maybe all of us come around eventually. Maybe we all just need to be reminded that sometimes, when your heart hurts, it’s okay to cry.

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