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Because Nothing Says “I Love You” Quite Like An Asian Baby

February 14th, 2011 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

On this Valentine’s Day, we ponder the question: What’s the best way to say “I love you”?

With flowers?




(Not microwaves, obviously.)

Fuck that! This is the real way you show your significant other you’re in it for the long haul:

Continue reading Because Nothing Says “I Love You” Quite Like An Asian Baby

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Star Mag A Sh*ttier Rag Than Previously Thought

February 2nd, 2011 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana

Who the hell thinks its okay for a tabloid rag to speculate on the chromosomal condition of toddlers–in any case, but especially based on a few grainy photos?

For the record, Star, Down Sydrome isn’t “drama.”

Seriously. This magazine marks a new cultural low. AND THAT’S SAYING SOMETHING.

[via Jezebel]


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It Is Shameful For Paps To Photograph Celebrity Kids

December 8th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

I know this.

And yet, how can I not be thankful that this photo was taken?

I mean, the cracking up. The energy. Shiloh’s missing tooth. Those perfectly unlaced moto boots. Mad’s furry coat and big ol’ white feet. And–sigh–Zahara is my new style icon, goodbye Alexa Chung

Families this fuzzin’ cute should be ILLEGAL! But thank god they’re not.

[via Dlisted]


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Gulf Air Baby “May Be” Up For Adoption

September 14th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

A baby born on a Gulf Air flight from Bahrain to Manila who was found alive in an airplane trash bag Sunday “may be” up for adoption if authorities can’t track down his mother or declare the woman unfit, the AP reports.

Baby George Francis being attended to by nurses

The six-pound, nine-ounce baby boy, named George Francis after the plane’s flight code GF, is doing well, despite only being discovered when an airport security officer noticed something moving in one of the trash bags being removed from the plane. Inside the bag, baby George was covered in blood and tissue paper and still attached to the placenta. He was taken immediately to an airport clinic, where he was cleaned, clothed, and fed. Airport nurse Kate Calvo said, “After he was cleaned, he let off a soft cry.” Philippines Social Welfare Secretary Corazon Soliman told the AP the baby looks Filipino. (Also, judging by the picture above, totally adorbs with a gorgeous shock of hair.)

I’m no expert, but let’s assume that a woman who’d throw her baby away in the trash is unfit to parent and get George Francis adopted already, shall we? After enduring his first moments of life in the rubbish heap and being left to die, this kid deserves The World’s Most Awesomest Parents. He needs parents who are going to embarrass him with hugs and kisses. He needs parents who’ll spoil him with too many toys, carry him when he’s way too old to be carried, and let him sleep in their bed when he’s scared. He needs parents who’ll always be there for him and take him wherever they go.

Basically, he needs these people:

Continue reading Gulf Air Baby “May Be” Up For Adoption

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Hardass Asian-Adopter Mom Angelina Jolie

June 3rd, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Jen

Happy birthday to Angelina Jolie, who turns 35 Friday!

Like our own Hardass Asian Moms, she’s aging well.

Like our own Hardass Asian Moms, she likes reading Asian languages.

Like our own Hardass Asian Moms, she sounds a little Continue reading BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Hardass Asian-Adopter Mom Angelina Jolie

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When Brangelina’s World and Our Considerably Less Beautiful and Fortunate World Collide

January 27th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

MADDOX: Mom, why are Dad and Knox wearing matching hats?

ANGELINA: Because it’s cute, Mad.

MADDOX: It’s not cute. It’s more like–um, what’s the word I’m looking for–oh right…stupid.

ANGELINA: You don’t really believe that! (to self) Remember to smile, remember to smile, paparazzi everywhere. (back to Maddox) Why would you say that? Do you want to match Daddy, too? Is that it? You know we could run out and get you your own newsboy cap–

MADDOX: Ack! Mom! Seriously. That hat is gay.

ANGELINA: Mad, we don’t say things like “that hat is gay.” We’re a progressive, multiracial, multinational family, from all different socio-economic strata, and we are tolerant regardless of race, creed, sexual orientation. (to self) Don’t look pissed-off and hormonal. Don’t give anyone the death-glare. Look happy.

MADDOX: Yeah, yeah, we’ve been through all this.

ANGELINA: How would you like it if somebody said, “That hat’s so boat people”?

MADDOX: I wouldn’t care, because I’ve never been on a boat that wasn’t a yacht, and we have a private jet. Which reminds me, why did we have to fly commercial to Japan?

ANGELINA: Because, honey, we’re just like everyone else. No better, no worse. And sometimes we have to fly commercial to prove that. Just like sometimes we have to carry our own luggage and strap on our own children to our chests with our own Baby Bjorns. (to self) See, world? We’re just like you. Look how we hold our own children’s hands!

MADDOX: Ow, Mom! Speaking of hands, do you think you could ease up on mine a little?

ANGELINA: Sure thing, sweet-pea.

MADDOX: Why do we have, like, 8 people with us on the plane if they don’t carry our stuff for us when the paparazzi are around?

ANGELINA: Because not everyone has 8 people around them at all times to carry their stuff for them. And we don’t want people to think we’re better than them. Because we’re not. We’re a normal family who happens to be better looking than everyone else and makes tons more money, but other than that, we’re just people. (to self) Hear that, everybody? We’re just like you. We relate. Don’t hate me cuz I’m beautiful.

MADDOX: Whatever. Dad and Knox’s hats are still gay.

ANGELINA: (to self) La-di-da, isn’t life grand? I’m not mad because I’ve lost every award to that pale, babbling, criminal-dater Anne Hathaway! It’s just an honor to be nominated. And to have a beautiful husband and beautiful children! Not to mention beautiful boobs! And to be an ambassador for goodwill and peace and…and orphans! Look at my adorable orphans–and, no, I’m not talking about my beautiful boobs! We could do a production of Annie right here in Narita. The sun’ll come out, tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be suuuuuunnnnn!

Thanks, Jasmine!

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Ain’t That America, You and Me (and the Jolie-Pitts)

October 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Seen in the German edition of Vanity Fair:

“For me, our family is just what America is – a melting pot, a mixture of many different races and nations,” she says. “My children should be proud of their Asian and African roots, but that in no way means [is] a lack of respect for the fact that they and their parents are Americans.”

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.


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Brangelina’s Chinese Baby

August 5th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

The afterbirth has barely dried on new twins Knox and Vivienne, and already rumors abound about Brangelina’s next adoption. This time, Hollywood’s It Couple are apparently shopping around for a Chinese baby. And only DISGRASIAN has the scoop on who that lucky little kid will be…

That’s right, y’all. It’s yours truly!!! Congratulatory baby gifts are totally not necessary. As you can see, I’m already stylin’ with a bitchin’ pacifier. And I can personally attest to the fact that the Brangelina Family Bed is oh-so-cozy. (Is it wrong that I think Mom and Dad are hot, and sometimes I have fantasies about a three-way with them? Just wondering.)

So, yeah, this means I’m pretty much set for life…but don’t hate!

Thanks, Jasmine, for making my dreams come true!

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CHALLENGE! Guess the Name of Brad & Angelina’s Vietnamese Boy

March 14th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

We probably only have a few more weeks before the next anointed child of the Brangelina brood arrives in a priority FedEx package from Ho Chi Minh City on the couple’s New Orleans doorstep. Please try contain your excitement! Besides increasing the Amazian potential of the entire Pitt-Jolie family, this little tot is guaranteed to boast at least a few of the following notable qualities:

1) collagen pout
2) “i just can’t do anything else with it” hair that can only seem fixed in such a way as to pay homage to The Misfits
3) a bad attitude
4) love of rice
5) natural inclination to travel and/or build treehouses for disenfranchised children

So let’s guess the name of that little sucker before he gets here!

I’ll start:

Madeleine Poisson
Chimichurri Vasquez
Pearl Necklace


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