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[Ed. note--this post was written in advance of the tragic shooting that occurred on Saturday, Jan. 8 in Arizona. Our thoughts go out to those affected by those events.]
We talked a lot in the closing months of last year how 2010 was BALLS. And you know why it was balls? Because it was a year ruled by DICKS. Dickheads, dickweeds, dickwads, dicktwits, dickfaces, cheesedicks, needledicks, pencil dicks, limp dicks, and a various assortment of Dick Tracies, seemed to poke their, ahem, heads out from all sides. It was actually hard to come up with only 10 Dicks From ’10 because the year was so chock-full of cocksmokers. But somehow, after a little dicking around, we did.
WHY THEY’RE DICKS: Everywhere we turned in 2010, there was another story about somebody named Palin being a dick. There was Todd Palin writing angry, poorly-punctuated emails. There was Willow Palin writing gay slur-slinging, poorly-punctuated Facebook comments. There was Bristol Palin being billed as a “teen activist” and dancing her way horribly to the Dancing With the Stars finals. And then there was Mama Grizzdick herself, Sarah Palin, who showed time and again that not only was she a dick, she was a Dick of All Trades–a refudiating dick, a 1st Amendment-confused dick, an Islamophobic dick, a book-shilling dick, a reality TV dick, a Tea Party dick, and, generally, an all-around fame-trolling dick of the highest magnitude. While it’s clear the Palins are gunning to be the First Family of the United States in 2012, for now, they can pat themselves on the backs for being, hands-down, the First Family of the United States of Dickbags.
OUR SOLUTION: The family of dicks that gets Dick Cancer together stays together. Another idea: JUST. GO. AWAY.
Filed under: 2010 Sucked Ass, Arizona, Arizona SB 1070, BP, BP Oil Spill, Brett Favre, Brett Favre Cheats On Wife, Brett Favre Penis, Brett Favre Sad Weiner, Brett Favre Why Did You Come Back?, Bristol Palin, Cheaters, Decision Points, Dick Cancer, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Everything About the Palins Sucks Ass, George W. Bush, George W. Bush Decision Points, Gwyneth Paltrow, Gwyneth Paltrow Country Strong, Gwyneth Paltrow Sings, Hamburger Helper Helps a Hamburger Help Gwen Make A Great Mess, Jesse James, Jesse James Cheats On Sandra Bullock, Jesse James Nazi Photo, Jesse James PR Suicide, John McCain, Kat Von D, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, North Korea, Sarah Palin, SB 1070, The Palins, Todd Palin, TSA, TSA Body Scanner
Well, everybody, it’s been 100 Days since the BP Oil Spill and apparently there’s good news!
Apparently, BPs oil dispersants have so effectively caused oil to disappear from the surface of the Gulf that even the cleanup jobs are drying up! Hooray! Great job, BP!!!
But wait. Oh wait.
It looks like a group of scientists (hired by the lawyers suing BP) have analyzed the results from their testing of the waters. And apparently the dispersants (which include the chemical Corexit) being used to clear the water’s surface are ACTUALLY EVEN MORE TOXIC THAN THE OIL.
From today’s NYT:
“This is a management decision, to use dispersants,” College of William and Mary marine science professor Robert Diaz said yesterday. “It doesn’t make the oil go away, it just puts it from one part of the ecosystem to another.”
That dispersed oil now hovers, diluted in the water column, posing a challenge for scientists to track and measure the subsea plumes. Mapping the long-term effects of the nearly 2 million gallons of dispersant used by BP PLC may well be Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The Oil Spill Only Gets Worse
Filed under: BP, BP Dispersant Toxic, Dispersants, Environmental Disasters, Environmentalists, EPIC FAIL, Getting Worse All The Time, Gulf Coast Oil Spill, Gulf of Mexico, Scientists, Shameful Events, Unfuck the Gulf, We're All Fucked, Who Are These Idiot Assholes?
Oh, how that sneaky Rep. Joseph Cao (R-LA) toys with our emotions! We never know how we’re gonna feel about him (okay, pretty sure we love the guy–but he sure can bum us out) on any given day. He’s always so full of surprises!
Earlier this week, during BP America President Lamar McKay‘s public shaming congressional testimony regarding the Gulf oil spill, Cao said what we’re sure lots of people are thinking, but would never say aloud:
“Mr. Stearn asked Mr. McKay to resign. In the Asian culture we do things differently. During the Samurai days, we would just give you a knife and ask you to commit Hari-Kari [sic]. My constituents are still debating on what they want me to ask you to do, but that being said, the cleaning up process has been a disgrace and the claims process has been dismal…”
Of course the comments were extreme and Cao has since stated that they were meant only to convey his level of frustration with BP, but dayum! We couldn’t have scripted his words better if we tried ( okay, we did try, but it wasn’t any better).
Rep. Joseph Barton (R-TX), on the other hand, did the opposite this week. When it was his turn to speak during BP CEO Tony Hayward’s public shaming congressional testimony, he said what nobody else would say aloud, and uh, NOBODY ELSE WAS THINKING:
Filed under: Apologies, BP, BP America President, BP CEO, Congressional Testimony, Culf Coast, Culf of Mexico, Gulf Coast Oil Spill, Gulf Coast Oil Spill Clean-up, Hardass Asian Politicians, Harikiri, Investigation, Joseph Barton Apologizes for Apologizing to BP, Joseph Barton Apologizes to BP, Joseph Cao, Lack of Preparasian, Lamar McKay, Louisiana, Political Suicide, Politicians, Public Apologies, Rep. Joseph Barton, Rep. Joseph Cao, Republicans, Ritual Suicide, Texas, Tony Hayward
My mom would say that stupidity is the first step towards disgrace, and thusly, saying stupid things one of the world’s most disgraceful acts.
I wonder if Tony Hayward, BP’s CEO, thought about that before he spit up this drivel during an idiotic interview with the UK’s Guardian:
“The Gulf of Mexico is a very big ocean. The amount of volume of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume,” he said.
Okay, before somebody explains this guy how an oil spill that’s already bigger than the state of Maryland can never be dismissed as “tiny,” can we please tell him what a fuckin’ ocean is? And how the Gulf of Mexico–which is actually an ocean basin–ISN’T ONE?
View HuffPo’s gallery of the “tiny” oil damage here.
Filed under: Atlantic Ocean, BP, BP CEO, BP Oil Spill Relatively "Tiny?", Deepwater Oil Spill, Gulf Coast, Gulf Coast Oil Spill, Gulf of Mexico, Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill, Ocean Basin, Oceans, Really Dumb People, Somebody's Gonna Get Fired, Stupid Things That People Say, The Gulf of Mexico Isn't An Ocean You Nit, Tony Hayward