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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The CW Network’s ‘Nikita’

October 29th, 2010 | 4 comments | Posted by Jen

Dear Nikita producers,

During last night’s episode, “The Recruit,” I got so much done: I checked my email 8 times, I accepted an outstanding friend request on Facebook, I wrote on somebody’s wall, I made a couple of online Scrabble moves–no bingos, sadly–I wrote 10 tweets, I bookmarked two websites, I read this ridiculous post about “How Dreadlocks Work,” I checked out Jessica Alba’s Twitter page because Twitter suggested that we follow her, and I read about designer vaginas, or, as I like to call them, “deginas,” which are apparently all the rage in the Czech Republic.

All this is to say that I WAS OUT OF MY MIND BORED WATCHING YOUR SHOW.

I’m not sure how exactly you’ve managed to make reading up on “deginas” more appealing than watching Maggie Q play a vengeful female assassin, but that’s exactly what’s happened.

Since I’m part of that female Vampire Diaries‘ audience the CW’s so keen on retaining, may I suggest you take one cue from your lead-in show?

Continue reading DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! The CW Network’s ‘Nikita’

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Read It Another Daysian

May 28th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

The funny thing about any new exposé detailing the scams, lies, manipulations, Constitution breaches, and assaults on humanity committed by the criminally laughable Bush administration is that they tend to dramatically and methodically unveil no new information –yet each one is positively riveting.

I imagine that former Press Secretary Scott McClellan’s new memoir, What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and What’s Wrong With Washington, functions that way. McCLellan claims that the Bush administration fueled the Iraq war with propaganda. Whoa, really? Shocker!!!

Still, I can’t wait to buy it. And still, the White House sure has their feathers in a ruffle over the tome. I haven’t heard this much heehawing since my sister showed a pig at the Lafayette County 4-H festival!

Current White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, God Bless Her, tried her best to undermine the whirlwind of press resulting from the book, tossing away notions that the President will even read it:

The book, as reported by the press, has been described to the president. I do not expect a comment from him on it – he has more pressing matters than to spend time commenting on books by former staffers.

You know what? She’s right. I thought about all of the other pressing matters that the Prez needs to be attending to and he definitely doesn’t have time to read McClellan’s dumb old book! Here are some of the things he needs to attend to first:

1) Learn to read

2) Speak at the Air Force graduation

3) Speak at a high school graduation

4) Sit for awhile and reminisce about his own high school experience

5) Ponder stuff

6) Contemplate the correct pronunciasian of “Korea”

7) Bug the Saudis for more oil

8) Re-watch his performance on Deal or No Deal

9) Call Dick and see what he’s up to (not a ton)

10) Request Cliff Notes for What Happened: Inside the Bush White House and What’s Wrong With Washington. Get distracted by reruns of Family Guy. Fall asleep.

Source Source Source Source Source Source Source

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Everybody Loathes A Winner

May 20th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

You have to love Kristi Yamaguchi, for being so freakin’ excellent every single week on Dancing With the Stars. So good, in fact, that she’s apparently bored the bejeezus out of everybody watching. Should she win? Totally. Will she win? Totally. So where’s the suspense? Just cut to next season on The Surreal Life –her with the chyron, “Former Dancing With the Stars Champion“–and let’s call it a day.

Yamaguchi reminds me of one of those kids that wins some award every year for having the highest GPA until the day they become valedictorian and everyone sleeps through their boring graduation ceremony speech. No thrills, just excellence.

But nobody ever tries to throw a sexist spin on the race for valedictorian. Today, I actually read this story head on CNN.com:

Good lord. When journalists get bored, they really get bored.

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Do We Offend?

July 31st, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

So the big Rush Hour 3 premiere bash happened last night, beginning at Mann’s Chinese Theater (of course). I’m sure you’ve been looking for us in the screening and after party photos…

Are we… here?

Nope, just the Fat guy.

What about… here?

Nuh uh, not here either. But hee hee! Rook at how tiny
Jackie and other rittle people rookey next to big tall man!


Okay then, what about… here?

Sadly, no. This photo contains only DISGRASIANS,
one of which apparently still has trouble understanding Chingrish.


Well gosh, maybe the guest list was just really tight at this event. Strictly A-list. Only true artists, visionaries, pioneers of the industry, that sort of thing.

Oh wait, there’s that putrid waste of human flesh,
and she’s talking to a living, breathing, jump-kicking cartoon.

ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. I’ll admit it. We weren’t invited. Maybe we weren’t important enough. Maybe there was too much to write about. Maybe they were scared to have us there.

Or maybe we just had something better to do:

…like catching up on our knitting.

…or practicing our math.

…or SHOVELING SHIT.


Frankly, we really didn’t want to go.

Source: Associated Press

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This is News??

April 25th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana


I know you’re People.com, but SERIOUSLY?

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DisgrasiAd-Lib

April 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

All that’s left in the American Idol field are three girls who can sing,


and three __________ who can _____________.

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