DISGRASIAN™

Hooray For Boobies: NFL Dons Pink For Breast Cancer, Andrea Kremer Goes Rogue

So wait. Nearly the entire NFL donned fuschia pink this week, in awesome support of Breast Cancer Awareness. Damn cool.

Why , then, did Sunday Night Football’s Andrea Kremer feel the need to answer to pink with powder blue–as in a wacky powder-blue-leather-motorcycle-jacket monstrosity?

Where’s the pink, Andrea?

Does she have something against boobies? Come on! Breasts are awesome!

Breasts rule (And yes, um, those are, um, mine*), let’s keep ‘em healthy!

Here’s the deal. Kremer’s got a week to get on board (How about a pin? Just a little pin!), or else we’re gonna have to sit her down for a stern talking-to. And by “stern talking-to,” we mean a hard punch to the boob.

Love boobies? Hate cancer? Join Susan G. Komen here for the cure.

*in my stinking dreams

[Examiner: NFL Goes Pink To Highlight A Crucial Catch For Breast Cancer Awareness Month]
[NFL Shop: 2009 Breast Cancer Awareness Gear]
[Susan G. Komen For The Cure - Official Site]

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Filed under: Boobies, Boobs, Breasts, Cancer Is Horrible, Cures, NFL, Pink

Yoko’s Onos

Since Yoko Ono was honored with a National Arts award last night for “Outstanding Contributions to the Arts,” I’m only going to say nice things about her (instead of focusing on, say, her goofy, netted top hat, a fashion trend inexplicably on the rise).

So here goes. YOKO ONO HAS A REALLY NICE RACK. If you just vomited your Cheerios, bear in mind as you mop up your computer and Listerine your mouth that those boobs are 75 years old. A little perspective: they were born the year Hitler became, well, Hitler. They came into the world during the Great Depression (perhaps now we should call it “The First Great Depression”), and they pre-date television, as in those are radio play-era tits, okay? They’re even older than John McCain, whose man-boobs I hope to never see. Sure, the left one appears to be pushing in on the right one a bit, trying to get a little more attention (the Yoko to the right one’s John), but other than that, they’re impressively smooth, unveiny, and aloft. I’m charmed, too, by the fact that a septuagenarian such as Yoko has the chutzpah to flaunt her knockers. There’s something very dirty old lady about that, like her boobs aren’t at all ready for the nursing home and, instead, they’re ready to party like it’s 1949.

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Filed under: Boobies, Boobs, Breasts, Dirty Old Ladies, Knockers, Man-Boobs, National Arts Award, Old Boobs, Septuagenarians Who Rock, Tatas, Tits, Top Hats, Yoko Ono

The Accidental Malakar

AOL revealed their top searches of 2007 in various categories this week. The top five news story searches were for 1) Chris Benoit, the wrestler who killed his family and then himself, 2) the weight-loss drug Phentermine, 3) the Pet Food Recall, 4) Global Warming and, finally, 5) the Virginia Tech shootings (more on that later).

The other results were more predictable, with American Idol, Brit Brit and Hillary dominating the categories of TV, celebrity, and politics. The most embarrassing category itself was “Top Accidental Celebrities.” Of the top five, two were siblings and DISGRASIAN–Shyamali “Boobylicious” Malakar came in at number two, ahead of her tone-deaf brohawk Sanjaya, who took the fourth spot.

Malakar = Excellence

I wonder how the Malakars are taking the news. Especially since that “accident” has been cleaned up for a while. Sanjaya’s got to be pissed that big sis’ D-cups overshadowed his…um…uh…talents(?). But is being a Top Accidental Celebrity something that one and one’s family feel pride and joy over?

In other words, are they cracking open champagne right now or a bottle of Percocet?

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Filed under: Accidental Celebrities, Boobies, Global Warming Is Such a News Hog, Painkillers, Shyamali Malakar, Virginia Tech

N*p Slips Are Tired

We, like everybody else, are fascinated by the increasing occurrence of mishaps in which actresses and their celebutard counterparts–who are otherwise as tucked, painted, and decorated as wedding cakes–allow the tip of their teats to be revealed from the tops of their dresses when photographed at public events.

Observe:

Tara Reid: Otherwise perfect

The popular term for this is of course “the Nip Slip,” but it occurred to us over the weekend that by using it we overlook one glaring faux pas–the racial slur at its forepart.

So what to do? Besides that whole use-of-a-time-tested-hateful-slur-that-offends-Japanese-people thing, the overall phrase really works: it’s catchy, it rhymes, it rolls off the tongue.

And so, we present to you a NEW, IMPROVED version of this dubious saying… and encourage you all to implement it immediately into your everyday vernacular.

May I introduce…

Bai Ling: Finally, not offensive

…Try it in a sentence today!

Filed under: Bai Ling, Boobies, Language, Nipple Slipples, Racial Slurs, Tara Reid, The Power of Words, Updating the Disgrasian Dictionary (It's On the RIght), We Love Our Japanese Friends