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At the Asian Games in Guangzhou last week, the Singapore water polo team revealed a new swim trunk design based on its country’s flag that had people back home crying desecrasian.
Filed under: Banana Hammocks, Boner Apparel, Boners, Desecrasian, Dicks, Erections, Funny Stuff, LOL, Singapore Flag, Singapore Water Polo Team, Singapore Water Polo Team Wears Inappropriate Swim Trunks at Asian Games, Speedos, Sports Scandals, Swim Trunks, Uniforms, Weird Singaporean Behavior
Hey, here’s a first: Pakistan President Zardari has accomplished what no other person has ever done in the history of all mankind–he’s united Muslim clerics AND Pakistani feminists, together in condemnation of his icky behavior during a recent meeting with VP wannabe Sarah Palin, which demonstrated that the days of Pervezes ruling Pakistan are not yet over. Despite his unprecedented achievement, Zardari still incurred a fatwa. Poor guy!
It has yet to be confirmed whether a second fatwa has been issued against THAT GRODY MUSTACHE. And while no violence has been called for in the fatwa, Zardari, his face pubes, and his easily excitable weiner are reportedly laying low while all this, ah, blows over.
We’re ladies. And we’re genetically programmed to love compliments. We like it when you notice our hair, our clothes, our shoes, our skin, our bods, our earrings, our eye makeup, our cute moles, our weird cowlicks etc. and say really nice things about them. Nice respectful things (wolf-whistling, cat-calling, and yelling out your car window–need we say it even?–don’t count).
What also doesn’t count as a compliment is telling us that looking at us gives you a ragin’ boner, which is precisely what Nightline co-anchor and 20/20 correspondent Martin Bashir (he of “Living with Michael Jackson” fame) told the Asian American Journalists Association last Friday at their annual gala in Chicago. New York magazine’s Daily Intel reports that Bashir said to the room of professionals:
“I’m happy to be in the midst of so many Asian babes,” he said onstage, with his 20/20 colleague Juju Chang nearby. “In fact, I’m happy that the podium covers me from the waist down.”
Don’t get us wrong. We love boners. We love inconvenient boners (like the kind you’d get in 7th grade) and boner jokes. But there is such a thing as BONER PROTOCOL. If we’re about to get it on with you, you can probably talk about your boner. If we haven’t gotten it on with you, but you want to AND–very important, folks–we want to, too, boner talk is also probably okay, depending on the timing (as is always the case when it comes to dick, right?). Basically, if sex is a distinct possibility and there’s a boner involved, it’s probably alright to talk about it. Notice how we say “probably.” What that boils down to is this: Don’t talk about your boner unless we say otherwise.
Yeah, we know, life’s a boner. But those are the rules.
Furthermore, we Asian ladies don’t really cotton to the group compliment, okay? We are sick of being seen–even appreciated–en masse. We don’t want to be viewed only as a group. That makes us feel interchangeable and un-special. We want you to see my cute mole, her weird cowlick, and that chick-over-there’s uniquely fine ass. We want, basically, for people to tell us apart.
Bashir, who is of Pakistani descent (and should know better), boned things even further by going on to say that a speech should be “like a dress on a beautiful woman — long enough to cover the important parts and short enough to keep your interest — like my colleague Juju’s.” Guess he didn’t know how to take his own advice.
That said, we kinda wish we had been there to hear it. Because we would have known what to do with that boner
cut it off, alright.
[via Daily Intel]
Art darling Terence Koh, who is Beijing-born, New York-based, and represented by Peres Projects in LA and Berlin, has recently gotten people in Gateshead, England hot and bothered because of work he exhibited in a group show at The Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art. Koh’s contribution includes plaster sculptures of E.T., Mickey Mouse and, most controversially, Jesus…all sporting boners.
It’s nearly impossible to find photos from the exhibit online, but Koh’s Untitled (Medusa), in which a cluster of religious icons are, uh, standing at attention, gives you an idea of what all the fuss is about:
I mean, who wouldn’t want their God–especially if you believe that He was made flesh (John 1:14)–to be well-hung?
Check out Terence Koh’s website here. He’s here, he’s queer, he’s over there getting photographed with Karl Lagerfeld, get used to it.
Heroes returns to NBC tonight after a bullshit hiatus, which I thought only happened at the end of television season in May. Whatever.
Let’s say his name all together like a mantra–Sendhil Ramamurthy. Sendhil Ramamurthy. Sendhil Ramamurthy.
If you can say or spell “Gyllenhaal,” you can say “Ramamurthy,” right?
Okay, now look at this man.
Now let me ask you, dear reader, why is Mohinder, Sendhil’s character, the only man–other than Hiro, obviously 100% bone-proof–who hasn’t been boning on the show?
Despite being a midget, sporting a dyke haircut, and having a bottom lip that has clearly had a stroke, Peter Petrelli…is the Mack Daddy Boner of this hit series.
Despite being married to a wheelchair-bound wife and running for public office–which makes Peter’s older brother extremely cautious in his every move–Nathan Petrelli has still found time to bone outside of his marriage.
Despite being a heroin addict and painting really depressing paintings of the future, Isaac Mendez was having a bone-a-thon until his girlfriend left him for another boner, Peter Petrelli. These two boners then accidentally killed their girlfriend while having a “my bone is bigger than your bone” contest.
Despite the fact that his ex-wife, who is schizo, shot him while she was her “evil” self, D.L. Hawkins is not only still boning her but, unbeknownst to him, boning her evil self!
Greg Grunberg was the highlight of one of my favorite shows of all time, Felicity. Whenever I see him onscreen, I spontaneously sing “o way o wah, o way o wah, o way o waaaaah” and scare the people I’m with. That said, Grunberg’s character in Heroes, Matt Parker, is a cuckold. Yet despite the fact that Matt Parker is a cuckold, and that his girlfriend cheated on him with a raging asshole because Parker is fat and unsuccessful, and that Parker can read his girlfriend’s mind, which is often filled with negative thoughts about him being fat and unsuccessful, the girlfriend is now pregnant, which can only mean…Matt Parker has been Grun-boning away.
My predictions for who breaks their boning cherry next? Not Mohinder. Certainly not Hiro.
It’s either the 10 year-old (left) whose gift is taking money out of ATMs without a card, or the cheerleader’s gay best friend (right), who has a penchant for emo and eyeliner. Cuz that makes all the sense in the world, don’t it?