DISGRASIAN™

ROCK OF ASIAN: Andrew W.K.

There seem to be 100 reasons to love Andrew W.K., the man behind 2001′s frenetic playtime album I Get Wet. If the brilliantly-structured cheeky sonatas of his debut effort don’t hook you, then there’s a chance his doe-eyes will, or, better, his longstanding reputation for being the nicest goddamn guy ever to wield a guitar or let fresh blood drip down his face.

W.K. is damn serious about not taking the world too seriously, apparent in his dancing grin and brazen musical jaunts–and if you happen to be in on the joke, the result is an endlessly satisfying, good fuckin’ time. But let’s be clear–his is not the sadistic, condescending jokery of an angry genius (à la Rivers Cuomo whining “Pork and Beans”), but a warm, cuddly, Hakuna Matata-pluck at hedonism: Not “fuck you” ha-ha, but “FUCK YEAH!” HA HA!

W.K. recently released a series of J-pop covers only found in Japan, meant as a thank-you gift to his equally warm and cuddly fans in the country. The recordings are executed with all the razzle-dazzle of show tunes, theme songs, and pop anthems, but be ready for a surprise. Something in his vocal delivery and synth orchestration makes the songs deliciously smart and might even invoke a little classic Bowie. (I know, I know. You’re like, “What?!”–but just trust me on this one).

The 14 songs, which includes piano ballad “Kiseki,” can be streamed at his website (listed on the album Premium Collection – The Japan Covers–you’ll have to skip the first 10 songs or so) and are worth the buffering. Enjoy!

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Thanks, jRu and Jasmine!

Filed under: Andrew W.K., Big in Japan, Bloody Messes, Clever Fellas, Cover Songs, Fuck Yeah, Funny Men, Funny Stuff, J-Pop, Japan, Jokes, Rivers Cuomo, Thank-You Notes

Happy Menstruasian My Ass

We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming…so that I can talk about my period. Guys, don’t be candy asses and go “eww.” Only gays are exempt from this conversation. The thing about periods is…they fuckin’ suck. (And no, I’m not on-the-rag at the moment, but just writing about my menstrual flow makes me furious, hateful, and in desperate need of spaghetti and chocolate.) It’s hard to imagine that once upon a time, like Judy Blume’s Margaret, I actually wished for the thing. Oh please Lord, make bloody chunks of my uterus fall out once a month so that I can wear a diaper or a tiny cotton penis with a string all day long like a real woman! Periods are messy. Periods are smelly (except to dogs, who think bloody tampons are filet mignon). Periods prevent you from getting a perfect score on your computer science exam because they max out your so-called maxi-pad after an hour and make you spend the rest of your exam time in the girls’ bathroom scrubbing the blood out of your acid-washed jeans with those brown paper towels that disintegrate into tiny granules the moment they get wet and yes, I’m still bitter about it.

Uh, where was I? Oh right, periods suck. So when I read this morning that Japanese comedienne Naomi Matsushima has designed pads printed with stars and camo so that “women could pass their menstrual period more happily,” I very nearly booked a flight to Japan just so I could find Naomi and punch her in the boob.

Naomi, you and I both know that there is no way to pass your menstrual period “more happily.” You can pass your menstrual period without ramming your Volvo into that douchebag’s Escalade who stole your parking spot at the mall. You can pass your menstrual period without bitch-slapping a stranger who looks at you sideways in a bar. You can pass your menstrual period without totally kicking in your boyfriend’s balls so that he’s unable to father children in the future. Is that the definition of happiness? If so, then we are in agreement. If not, I can only conclude that you’ve never gotten your period nor do you have a uterus and you are, in fact, an incredibly life-like robot that sad pervs looking for artificial companionship would gladly throw their money at because, among other things, they’ll never have to deal with the “eww” of your unhappy menstrual period.

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Filed under: Bloody Messes, Boob Punching, Comediennes, Eww, Judy Blume, Kissing Robots, Menstruasian, Naomi Matsushima, Period Pieces, Periods, PMS, Robots

She’s BAIck!

We’d been wondering where the hay our dear friend Bai Ling has been hiding out lately. Apparently, she is really, actually, genuinely, honestly, and totally, not shitting you…making a movie. Here’s a snap of Buh-Bai from the set of The Gauntlet:

The Gauntlet is a horror flick, and judging by this photo, I can see why.

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Filed under: Bai Ling Is Endless Fodder, Bloody Messes, Horrors, I'm Going to Have Nightmares for Days, We Kinda Missed You