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DISGRASIAN’s Summer Reading: Lisanti Quarterly
We’ll be away from our desks the month of August, carrying on with the non-bloggy aspects of our lives, watching mindless movie blockbusters, and indulging in summery drinks made with generous pours of bourbon. During this month, we’ll be linking each day to a different website that we ♥. Hopefully you’ll discover something delightful and new while we’re gone. If not, you are a serious Captain Crankypants and are probably in dire need of a summery drink made with a generous pour of bourbon.
‘Til September, lovelies.
Mark Lisanti is the funniest man on the Internet.
Now before you say, “But what about Gwyneth? He’s a fuckin’ gas!” let me just tell you that I’ve been making this declaration repeatedly since 2004, when I discovered Lisanti’s little H-wood insider blog Defamer (after carrying the site to Gawker-fueled ubiquity, he left his founding editor post in ‘08). I blurted the words to him at a poorly-attended cocktail party at Sundance ‘06, after an hour of awkwardly hanging out in wait for Robin Tunney’s arrival, when his buddy casually dropped his name and I lost my shit faster than a rookie chili-eating contestant. I say it snarkily at parties, when I realize he’s funnier in HTML than in person (ZING, sucka! I kid, I kid). I grumble it to the sky ever single time the guy outfunnies me on a Facebook wall (this happens more frequently than you would think). And I sighed it aloud yesterday, when I read about his new gig as Deputy Editor of Yahoo! Entertainment Blogs via Business Insider (who I must applaud for choosing a most distinguished photo of the lad to compliment his success).
Super funny people are typically the worst folks in the world to be friends with. For one, the odds of them being totally crazy/depressed/derelict/perverse is about 100%. And two, they spend most of their time with you either being spitefully unfunny (they are, after all, “off the clock”) or proving, at all times, how much more twisted, quick-draw and sharp they are than everybody else. But the thing is, Lisanti doesn’t have to be cementing sticky celebrity nicknames or befriending Tawny Kitaen to make you laugh. He just makes you laugh. I often wonder if he even has to try to be funny, because gentle–but memorable–humor seems to seep out of his pores like joy from a unicorn’s eyes. He is Continue reading DISGRASIAN’s Summer Reading: Lisanti Quarterly
Filed under: Bloggers, Defamer, Editors, Entertainment Blogs, Friends are Nice, Funny Men, Funny People, Gawker, Hollywood, Jersey Shore, Losing Your Shit, Mark Lisanti, Robin Tunney, Sundance, Tawny Kitaen, Writers, Yahoo
BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Arianna Huffington
Happy birthday today to honorasian Arianna Huffington, our boss at HuffPo and one of the most influential women in media!
A few things we love about Arianna:
* She smells so good. She has the aroma of cleanliness and cashmere and a womanly, floral perfume not muddled by overbearing yucky stuff, like musk.
* She publishes DISGRASIAN on HuffPo!
* We love lady writers. And bloggers.
* She has turned self-reinvention into an art form.
* She works hard for the money.
* She publishes DISGRASIAN on HuffPo!
* She throws a great dinner party.
* OH, and that yummy accent. We love it, we love it!
* She publishes DISGRASIAN on HuffPo!
Filed under: Arianna Huffington, Awesomeness, Better With Age, Birthdays, Bloggers, Boss Bosses, Cashmere, Hair that Smells Like Scalp, Honorasians, Hot Bloggers, HuffPo, Influentials, Powerful Women, Reinvention, The Huffington Post
AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Freddie Wong
Name: Freddie Wong
Age: 24
Hails from: LA (via Seattle)
Occupation: YouTube star, budding filmmaker, video enthusiast, Guitar Hero pro
Known for: Well, he actually says it best…
“Most people know me from my brief stint as a professional Guitar Hero/Rock Band player.
When I am not rocking faces with plastic, I am a filmmaker and musician in Los Angeles.”
Like 7,166,489 other people, we first encountered Wong when he released a sick video of himself rocking Rush’s “YYZ” on Guitar Hero’s expert level, and watched with nodding approval as he rose quick as crème fraîche to the top of the pro GH ranks.
But Wong’s real gifts, as highlighted by NewTeeVee’s Liz Shannon Miller this week, lie in Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Freddie Wong
Filed under: Angelenos, Bloggers, Film Geeks, Filmmakers, Freddie Wong, Guitar Hero, Musicians, OK Go, Rock Band, Rocking Faces, Rush, Seattle, So Nerdy It's Fantastic, YouTube, YouTube Sensations, YYZ
We’re Employed Through The Year! (Sarah Palin Joins Fox News)
You never know, as garbage-feeding bloggers, whether or not you’ll get fucked by the wrong famous-for-nothing going sober or the world’s worst couple getting divorced. Will you run out of sordid news fodder? What might you have to complain about? Will your blogging career be downgraded to a month-long series of clever Facebook status updates and a few choice tweets? Oh lordy, the stress!
So it’s always good to know that the world will soon be hit by a fruitful period of shame, therefore guaranteeing you good work for months and months to come (dare I say it–years?).
Imagine my relief, friends, when I saw this breaking news today:
Turn the volume down
Phew. Phew, phew, phew. 2010 is going to be a busy year for DISGRASIAN!
[CBS News: Sarah Palin Joining Fox News as Contributor]
Filed under: All the Wrong Career Moves, Bad for everyone, Bloggers, Conservatards, Fox News, FOX News is a Joke, Phew, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Is An Idiotic Cunt, Sarah Palin Pundit, Unemployment
Why We Hate Olivia Munn
She’s smart. She’s brash. She’s funny.
Her first name is adorable, her last succinct and easy to pronounce.
She has more Twitter followers than we do.
Her nose freckles are cuter than Diana’s nose freckles.
She has a blog too, but she never complains about it–and she isn’t getting a furrowed brow and grey hair like we are.
Oh…
AND SHE LOOKS…
Continue reading Why We Hate Olivia Munn
Filed under: Adorable, Beautiful Ladies, Bests, Bloggers, Dorks, Freckles, Funny People, G4, Hotties, Jealousy, Magazine Spreads, Maxim, Oliva Munn, Olivia Munn Bikini, Olivia Munn is Hot, Olivia Munn Maxim, Olivia Munn Naked, People That Are Better Looking Than Us, Photographs Maxim, Twitter
Revisiting Daul Kim’s “I Like to Fork Myself”
Celebrity death vultures have been busy the last week picking over the bones of 20 year-old, South Korean model Daul Kim, who was found hanged in her Paris apartment in an apparent suicide November 19, which may explain why her blog, I Like to Fork Myself–scoured by reporters as though it were a suicide note (before the alleged existence of an actual suicide note was revealed)–has since been switched to invite-only and is no longer available for public rubbernecking viewing.
I, too, have been guilty of participating in this scavenger hunt, the search for the why behind her death. A year-and-a-half ago, I wrote about Daul Kim and the things I liked about her: her goofy-cool factor, her bangs, and her blog, which I described as a “zany, irreverent diary of her fashism experiences.” When I read of her death, my first impulse was to return to the site and figure out what I had missed. I mean, zany and irreverent? Were these words one could really use to describe someone who had taken her own life? What dark thoughts and creeping shadows had I failed to see on the edges?
Continue reading Revisiting Daul Kim’s “I Like to Fork Myself”
Filed under: Asian Models, Bloggers, Daul Kim, Daul Kim Death, Daul Kim Suicide, Daul Kim Suicide Note, I Like to Fork Myself, RIP Daul Kim, South Koreans, Suicide, Untimely Deaths
A Taiwanese Blogger Kisses and Tells
Yang Ya-Ching is a 27 year-old, Taiwanese music student living in Paris who’s commemorating her time spent in the City of Lights by kissing 100 men and documenting it. All the men are strangers Ya-Ching meets on the street, leading critics of her project–which she plans to turn into a book–to call her a slut and to accuse her of using this as an excuse to mack on random good-looking dudes (I mean, duh).
But I gotta give it up for the girl, because the idea of kissing 100 strangers (she’s knocked out 54 so far) only makes me think of bad breath, chapped lips, the herp, swine flu, whether or not it’s safe to put Purell on your lips, and what that might taste like–and Ya-Ching makes it look so easy.
(Oh, and in addition to being good at kissing strangers, Yang Ya-Ching plays a mean piano. Check out her YouTube channel here.)
[Yang Ya-Ching's blog]
[Yang Ya-Ching's YouTube channel]
[Taipei Times: Taiwanese to kiss 100 men in Paris]
Source
Thanks, Ali!
Filed under: Bad Kisses, Bloggers, France, Gross Kissers, Musicians, Photographs, Taiwanese, When Those Awful Piano Lessons Pay Off
Kanye, Real Apologies Aren’t Written In Caps Lock
Dear Kanye,
It seems unnecessary at this point to remind you that you are a douche. It also seems pointless to ask if you’ve been taking lessons from that other loudmouth with no fuckin’ shame, Joe Wilson. Frankly, it’s clear that you’re an asshole with a God complex. That’s your “thing.” You behave as though–simply because you are a successful music and pop culture maker–you contribute something truly significant to society, and might actually matter long after we all turn into carbon matter and dust. Oh man, we hope you take disappointment well.
But let’s talk about last night’s assface behavior. What you did to that sweetheart girl, Taylor Swift, during her one joyous moment accepting the MTV Award for “Best Female Video,” was absolutely deplorable.
The look on her face after you scramble off stage is absolutely heartbreaking. You are an asshole, yes. But more importantly, you’re cruel. You are a cruel mother fucker.
But far worse than your awards show behavior, it seems, is your apology.
As you know, we’re real sticklers on apologies. We’re also huge proponents of avoiding Inernet acronyms (and aggressive ellipses, for that matter), as well as unlocking caps when trying to express something–like sorrow or sorry–with some level of sincerity.
A real apology is not rattled off in powder-blue font on your blog. A real apology is not made up of jumbled nonsense. More importantly, when you apologize to Taylor, don’t ramble [again] about how much greater Beyonce’s video was. In fact, leave Beyonce out of this! Stop fucking bringing her into your weird, convoluted world of drama, you dick!
Here’s our suggestion. Write a new apology (and we mean really write it, with a pen, on a card), and mail it (with a stamp) to Taylor.
It should read:
Dear Taylor,Words cannot describe how ashamed I feel for interrupting you during your acceptance speech last night. I was out of line and I am deeply sorry. I am truly sorry.
I realize that I ruined one of the greatest moments of your life, and left you hurt and uncomfortable. I can never make that up to you, but I will certainly try.
Lastly, I know that I am not God. I have said that you are talented, but you don’t need my blessing to receive the “Best Female Video” award. You completely deserve it.
Please accept my humble apology. I hope we can be friends.
Sincerely,
Kanye West
And this time, when you say you’re sorry, you should mean it.
[kanYe West: Blog apology to Taylor Swift]
[MTV: Taylor Swift Wins Best Female Video [VIDEO]]
Filed under: Apologies, Bloggers, Cruelty, Douchebags, God Complex, Kanye West, MTV Video Awards, People Who Have No Shame, Sincerity, Ways to Not Look Sorry
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rosemary Port and the Internet’s Anonymous
By now you’ve probably heard the story: Former model Liskula Cohen, 37, subpoenas Google in January, in pursuit of a defamation suit “concerning her appearance, hygiene and sexual conduct” against the anonymous author of a Blogspot site called “Skanks in NYC.” The blog features only five posts with photographs, all devoted to calling Cohen a “skank,” “hag” and “ho.” Cohen ultimately wins in court, and Google is forced to fork over the IP address and email of the anonymous blogger, identified as Cohen’s acquaintance, Rosemary Port. A media frenzy ensues.
Port: Still hiding?
Dizzying, isn’t it? And fascinating. Even though we live on and in it, sometimes it’s easy to forget that the Interwebz is still a rather young entity, and we’re only just starting to understand the power–both positive and negative–of this vast, largely anonymous space.
Inevitably, people have landed on both sides of this matter. And though a court did side with Cohen when she initially pressed Google, we’re likely see the saga shift legal momentum with respect to Port’s suit (perhaps “all the way to the Supreme Court”), for months.
The Web being a maze of aliases, handles, social identities and passwords, it’s only natural for us to revel in the freedom of its virtual invisibility cloak. After all, stalking an ex quietly on Facebook is much easier than hunting the fucker down at his neighborhood haunts. Pay-as-you-go online porn is effortless compared to walking behind the partition at a dingy, outdated video store. Discussion boards for personal problems are sometimes more accessible and helpful than group therapy. Who would sniff their nose at a buffer for the stuff we’re not so proud of?
But anonymous Internet flaming, which we see so often on blogs, YouTube, social networks and message boards, is the e-quivalent of pulling a shirt over your head, running over to somebody, kicking them in the mouth, yelling, “You’re a fat asshole, you fucking fat asshole!” and then taking off down the street. Afterwards, one person’s still bleeding, and their attacker–a total chickenshit–has already moved on.
Or, as Maureen Dowd cited in NYT’s Opinion section:
“The velocity and volume on the Web are so great that nothing is forgotten and nothing is remembered,” says Leon Wieseltier, the literary editor of The New Republic. “The Internet is like closing time at a blue-collar bar in Boston. Everyone’s drunk and ugly and they’re going to pass out in a few minutes.”
It’s simply impossible to respect this brand of cowardice, at least for us. Recently, some anonymous shitbag lamely slammed DISGRASIAN for being “BOOORRINNG” on The Roast List. Every comment posted in reply was also anonymous (save for a dude named “RelentlessX”, who’s probably either a huge fan of Avril Lavigne and the Pussycat Dolls, or this guy). To be honest, it’s hard to dignify criticism from phantoms: Er… um… we guess we’re sorry we don’t impress a bunch of dickless, spineless, St. Martin’s Guide-less, anonymous pussies. Perhaps they’re just not our demo? Our demo probably gets laid more.
We at DISGRASIAN don’t have a legal position (Sorry Mom, still not going to law school!) on Port’s anonymous mudslinging, but we do have an opinion. And we’re posting it here:
Rosemary Port’s worst anonymous words may have been: “How old is this skank? 40 something? She’s a psychotic, lying, whoring, still going to clubs at her age, skank.” Not only is her prose a hot mess, but she didn’t have the nards to stand behind them. We couldn’t care less that a model loves snorting crack while wearing uncooked bacon and at the center of a bukkake circle (Don’t they all? Hee!), if the person telling us can’t stand up while saying so.
That’s an opinion, like it or not. We’re not only willing to state it, but sign our names behind it.
Mine is Diana Nguyen.
[Times UK: Unmasked Blogger Rosemary Port to Sue Google for $15m]
Filed under: anonymity, Bloggers, Chicken Shits, Cowardice, Defamasian, Dickless Dudes, Google, Invisibility Cloaks, Lawsuits, Liskula Cohen, Models, Pussies, Rosemary Port
Racist Camera: The Nikon S630
Our pal jozjozjoz recently bought her mama a Nikon S630 for Mother’s Day, only to discover that the camera is…racist. Or ricist, really, since it’s made by a Japanese company.
As joz took pictures of her fam on Mother’s Day, it kept pestering her with the question “Did someone blink?” even though no one had. How homegirl had the restraint not to murder the camera right there, we’ll never know.
Now, Nikon either needs a talkback function on this camera, something along the lines of “No, bitch, those are my muthafuckin’ eyes, and if you ask me that again, I’ll rip your dick off” or they just need to recall this joint stat.
[jozjozjoz.com: Racist Camera! No, I did not blink… I’m just Asian!]
Filed under: Asian Eye Jokes, Bloggers, Nikon S630, Racist Camera, Ricism, Ricist Camera, Self-Hating Gadgets
Vujacic-A-Boom
Listen, I don’t want to knock Emily Ho, profiled this week by LA Weekly’s Jonathan Gold, whose meteoric rise from Lakers fan girlfriend to Sasha “The Machine” Vujacic enthusiast to webmaster of the Official Site of the shooting guard is nothing to sniff at.
There’s a part of me that wants to hate– the reallyreallybitchy part of me that first and foremost despises the fucking Lakers (Uh, no, I do not care how good they are). And carries a deep, personal aversion to Lakers fan girlfriends, like my college roommate (who knew dog piddle about hoops when I met her, but to impress her grad school beau, began sporting yellow-and-purple tanks, yelling at the TV for players on the wrong team, and doubting my knowledge of key player trades–something she had, in just one season, not yet witnessed).
This icky thing inside of me also starts snippy, snarling fights with ladies in pumps and half-tops that pretend to watch ball at sports bars without ever turning towards the screen. And it deeply protests the manufacture of team jerseys in pink for female fans, since they don’t contribute to a team’s color domination of a stadium–and overall are cheesy, embarrassing, and offensive. This aspect of me will try to remain silent on the topic of Emily Ho.
A nicer (albeit smaller) part of me celebrates Ho’s opportunity, as well as her commitment to a competitive sport. And thinks it’s just great that her Vujacic official site, which seems primarily trafficked by enthusiastic females (and is loved and supported by the player and his family), isn’t just a virtual beer garden loaded up with stats, action shots, and sports trivia. Instead it’s a fun, girly, window-into-the-celebrity-soul kinda space, featuring interviews with fans and sexy desktop designs; where the athlete Twitters and answers novice questions like, “What’s the best thing about being on the Lakers?” In a way, it lowers the bar of entry in terms of committed fandom of Mr. Vujacic, if not the team and the sport as well: Why focus on a player’s numbers when you might just like his headwear? Why can’t sports enthusiasm be emotional? Why can’t it be about attraction? Why can’t it be about swarthy skin and flowing hair?
Okay, I’ll say it: As if the bar wasn’t low enough.
But last night, as I watched the Lakers do a number on the Utah Jazz (save for that nail-biter of a 4th quarter) to advance in the playoffs, yet another (but still very grouchy) part of me rumbled a little. It must have been Vujacic in his stupid black headband, celebrating his big, dumb team’s victory in the series, or something. But I couldn’t help but think about how his official site would soon be buzzing with rabid girl fans hurriedly typing out their post-playoff-game burners: “Is there a locker room afterparty?” or “Does Gatorade in your clothes get sticky?” or “How often do you wash your hair?” By God, it made me crazy to think that his Twitter followers would soon be lauding him for how cute he looked at the line, instead of the intensity of his game.
And I just couldn’t hold it back anymore. So here I go:
I HATE SASHA VUJACIC’S OFFICIAL SITE. IT’S REALLY FUCKING LAME AND SHAMELESS, EVEN FOR A LAKER.
(Fine, I’m a player hater.)
[LA Weekly: LA People 2009: Vujachick — Sasha Watch Blogger Emily Ho]
[SashaVujacic18.com: The Official Web Site of "The Machine"]
Source
Thanks, Josh!
Filed under: Basketball, Bloggers, Emily Ho, Haterasian, LA Lakers, Men Should Never Wear Headbands And For that Matter Neither Should Women, NBA, Pink Jerseys, Professional Athletes, Sasha Vujacic, The Machine
BABEWATCH: Kymby
Name: Kymby
Occupation: Blogger for The Lipstick Diaries
Why She’s A Babe: Bloggers often get a bad rap for being icky-faced trolls hiding behind laptops, or “kids in pajamas sitting in the basement of their parents’ homes.” We, ahem, like to think that bloggers can be both rapid-fire, web-saavy, and dripping with sex appeal–proof positive is the tatted, sultry, animal-loving Kymby, who blogs with five other fine ladies about nightlife, streetwear, and hot art for The Lipstick Diaries.
We also figure that if she does happen to blog in her pajamas, they’re very cute pajamas.
Filed under: Bad Raps, Bloggers, Hot Bloggers, Kymby, Nightlife, Pajamas, Sarah Palin Bloggers In Pajamas, Streetwear, Tattoos, The Lipstick Diaries, Trolls, Very Sexy Indeed
