DISGRASIAN™

We’re Employed Through The Year! (Sarah Palin Joins Fox News)

You never know, as garbage-feeding bloggers, whether or not you’ll get fucked by the wrong famous-for-nothing going sober or the world’s worst couple getting divorced. Will you run out of sordid news fodder? What might you have to complain about? Will your blogging career be downgraded to a month-long series of clever Facebook status updates and a few choice tweets? Oh lordy, the stress!

So it’s always good to know that the world will soon be hit by a fruitful period of shame, therefore guaranteeing you good work for months and months to come (dare I say it–years?).

Imagine my relief, friends, when I saw this breaking news today:

Turn the volume down

[CBS News: Sarah Palin Joining Fox News as Contributor]

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Filed under: All the Wrong Career Moves, Bad for everyone, Bloggers, Conservatards, Fox News, FOX News is a Joke, Phew, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin Is An Idiotic Cunt, Sarah Palin Pundit, Unemployment

Why We Hate Olivia Munn

She’s smart. She’s brash. She’s funny.

Her first name is adorable, her last succinct and easy to pronounce.

She has more Twitter followers than we do.

Her nose freckles are cuter than Diana’s nose freckles.

She has a blog too, but she never complains about it–and she isn’t getting a furrowed brow and grey hair like we are.

Oh…

AND SHE LOOKS…

Continue reading Why We Hate Olivia Munn

Filed under: Adorable, Beautiful Ladies, Bests, Bloggers, Dorks, Freckles, Funny People, G4, Hotties, Jealousy, Magazine Spreads, Maxim, Oliva Munn, Olivia Munn Bikini, Olivia Munn is Hot, Olivia Munn Maxim, Olivia Munn Naked, People That Are Better Looking Than Us, Photographs Maxim, Twitter

Revisiting Daul Kim’s “I Like to Fork Myself”

Celebrity death vultures have been busy the last week picking over the bones of 20 year-old, South Korean model Daul Kim, who was found hanged in her Paris apartment in an apparent suicide November 19, which may explain why her blog, I Like to Fork Myself–scoured by reporters as though it were a suicide note (before the alleged existence of an actual suicide note was revealed)–has since been switched to invite-only and is no longer available for public rubbernecking viewing.

I, too, have been guilty of participating in this scavenger hunt, the search for the why behind her death. A year-and-a-half ago, I wrote about Daul Kim and the things I liked about her: her goofy-cool factor, her bangs, and her blog, which I described as a “zany, irreverent diary of her fashism experiences.” When I read of her death, my first impulse was to return to the site and figure out what I had missed. I mean, zany and irreverent? Were these words one could really use to describe someone who had taken her own life? What dark thoughts and creeping shadows had I failed to see on the edges?

Continue reading Revisiting Daul Kim’s “I Like to Fork Myself”

Filed under: Asian Models, Bloggers, Daul Kim, Daul Kim Death, Daul Kim Suicide, Daul Kim Suicide Note, I Like to Fork Myself, RIP Daul Kim, South Koreans, Suicide, Untimely Deaths

A Taiwanese Blogger Kisses and Tells

Yang Ya-Ching is a 27 year-old, Taiwanese music student living in Paris who’s commemorating her time spent in the City of Lights by kissing 100 men and documenting it. All the men are strangers Ya-Ching meets on the street, leading critics of her project–which she plans to turn into a book–to call her a slut and to accuse her of using this as an excuse to mack on random good-looking dudes (I mean, duh).

But I gotta give it up for the girl, because the idea of kissing 100 strangers (she’s knocked out 54 so far) only makes me think of bad breath, chapped lips, the herp, swine flu, whether or not it’s safe to put Purell on your lips, and what that might taste like–and Ya-Ching makes it look so easy.

(Oh, and in addition to being good at kissing strangers, Yang Ya-Ching plays a mean piano. Check out her YouTube channel here.)

[Yang Ya-Ching's blog]
[Yang Ya-Ching's YouTube channel]
[Taipei Times: Taiwanese to kiss 100 men in Paris]

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Thanks, Ali!

Filed under: Bad Kisses, Bloggers, France, Gross Kissers, Musicians, Photographs, Taiwanese, When Those Awful Piano Lessons Pay Off

Kanye, Real Apologies Aren’t Written In Caps Lock

Dear Kanye,

It seems unnecessary at this point to remind you that you are a douche. It also seems pointless to ask if you’ve been taking lessons from that other loudmouth with no fuckin’ shame, Joe Wilson. Frankly, it’s clear that you’re an asshole with a God complex. That’s your “thing.” You behave as though–simply because you are a successful music and pop culture maker–you contribute something truly significant to society, and might actually matter long after we all turn into carbon matter and dust. Oh man, we hope you take disappointment well.

But let’s talk about last night’s assface behavior. What you did to that sweetheart girl, Taylor Swift, during her one joyous moment accepting the MTV Award for “Best Female Video,” was absolutely deplorable.

The look on her face after you scramble off stage is absolutely heartbreaking. You are an asshole, yes. But more importantly, you’re cruel. You are a cruel mother fucker.

But far worse than your awards show behavior, it seems, is your apology.

As you know, we’re real sticklers on apologies. We’re also huge proponents of avoiding Inernet acronyms (and aggressive ellipses, for that matter), as well as unlocking caps when trying to express something–like sorrow or sorry–with some level of sincerity.

A real apology is not rattled off in powder-blue font on your blog. A real apology is not made up of jumbled nonsense. More importantly, when you apologize to Taylor, don’t ramble [again] about how much greater Beyonce’s video was. In fact, leave Beyonce out of this! Stop fucking bringing her into your weird, convoluted world of drama, you dick!

Here’s our suggestion. Write a new apology (and we mean really write it, with a pen, on a card), and mail it (with a stamp) to Taylor.

It should read:

Dear Taylor,

Words cannot describe how ashamed I feel for interrupting you during your acceptance speech last night. I was out of line and I am deeply sorry. I am truly sorry.

I realize that I ruined one of the greatest moments of your life, and left you hurt and uncomfortable. I can never make that up to you, but I will certainly try.

Lastly, I know that I am not God. I have said that you are talented, but you don’t need my blessing to receive the “Best Female Video” award. You completely deserve it.

Please accept my humble apology. I hope we can be friends.

Sincerely,
Kanye West

And this time, when you say you’re sorry, you should mean it.

[kanYe West: Blog apology to Taylor Swift]
[MTV: Taylor Swift Wins Best Female Video [VIDEO]]

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Filed under: Apologies, Bloggers, Cruelty, Douchebags, God Complex, Kanye West, MTV Video Awards, People Who Have No Shame, Sincerity, Ways to Not Look Sorry

DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Rosemary Port and the Internet’s Anonymous

By now you’ve probably heard the story: Former model Liskula Cohen, 37, subpoenas Google in January, in pursuit of a defamation suit “concerning her appearance, hygiene and sexual conduct” against the anonymous author of a Blogspot site called “Skanks in NYC.” The blog features only five posts with photographs, all devoted to calling Cohen a “skank,” “hag” and “ho.” Cohen ultimately wins in court, and Google is forced to fork over the IP address and email of the anonymous blogger, identified as Cohen’s acquaintance, Rosemary Port. A media frenzy ensues.

Port: Still hiding?

Satisfied by knowing Port’s identity, Cohen decides to drop the defamation lawsuit, even calling to forgive her. Port, on the other hand, blames Cohen for the Streisand Effect on the issue, and prepares her own $15 million suit against Google for invading her privacy.

Dizzying, isn’t it? And fascinating. Even though we live on and in it, sometimes it’s easy to forget that the Interwebz is still a rather young entity, and we’re only just starting to understand the power–both positive and negative–of this vast, largely anonymous space.

Inevitably, people have landed on both sides of this matter. And though a court did side with Cohen when she initially pressed Google, we’re likely see the saga shift legal momentum with respect to Port’s suit (perhaps “all the way to the Supreme Court”), for months.

The Web being a maze of aliases, handles, social identities and passwords, it’s only natural for us to revel in the freedom of its virtual invisibility cloak. After all, stalking an ex quietly on Facebook is much easier than hunting the fucker down at his neighborhood haunts. Pay-as-you-go online porn is effortless compared to walking behind the partition at a dingy, outdated video store. Discussion boards for personal problems are sometimes more accessible and helpful than group therapy. Who would sniff their nose at a buffer for the stuff we’re not so proud of?

But anonymous Internet flaming, which we see so often on blogs, YouTube, social networks and message boards, is the e-quivalent of pulling a shirt over your head, running over to somebody, kicking them in the mouth, yelling, “You’re a fat asshole, you fucking fat asshole!” and then taking off down the street. Afterwards, one person’s still bleeding, and their attacker–a total chickenshit–has already moved on.

Or, as Maureen Dowd cited in NYT’s Opinion section:

“The velocity and volume on the Web are so great that nothing is forgotten and nothing is remembered,” says Leon Wieseltier, the literary editor of The New Republic. “The Internet is like closing time at a blue-collar bar in Boston. Everyone’s drunk and ugly and they’re going to pass out in a few minutes.”

It’s simply impossible to respect this brand of cowardice, at least for us. Recently, some anonymous shitbag lamely slammed DISGRASIAN for being “BOOORRINNG” on The Roast List. Every comment posted in reply was also anonymous (save for a dude named “RelentlessX”, who’s probably either a huge fan of Avril Lavigne and the Pussycat Dolls, or this guy). To be honest, it’s hard to dignify criticism from phantoms: Er… um… we guess we’re sorry we don’t impress a bunch of dickless, spineless, St. Martin’s Guide-less, anonymous pussies. Perhaps they’re just not our demo? Our demo probably gets laid more.

We at DISGRASIAN don’t have a legal position (Sorry Mom, still not going to law school!) on Port’s anonymous mudslinging, but we do have an opinion. And we’re posting it here:

Rosemary Port’s worst anonymous words may have been: “How old is this skank? 40 something? She’s a psychotic, lying, whoring, still going to clubs at her age, skank.” Not only is her prose a hot mess, but she didn’t have the nards to stand behind them. We couldn’t care less that a model loves snorting crack while wearing uncooked bacon and at the center of a bukkake circle (Don’t they all? Hee!), if the person telling us can’t stand up while saying so.

That’s an opinion, like it or not. We’re not only willing to state it, but sign our names behind it.

Mine is Diana Nguyen.

[Times UK: Unmasked Blogger Rosemary Port to Sue Google for $15m]

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Filed under: anonymity, Bloggers, Chicken Shits, Cowardice, Defamasian, Dickless Dudes, Google, Invisibility Cloaks, Lawsuits, Liskula Cohen, Models, Pussies, Rosemary Port

Racist Camera: The Nikon S630

Our pal jozjozjoz recently bought her mama a Nikon S630 for Mother’s Day, only to discover that the camera is…racist. Or ricist, really, since it’s made by a Japanese company.

As joz took pictures of her fam on Mother’s Day, it kept pestering her with the question “Did someone blink?” even though no one had. How homegirl had the restraint not to murder the camera right there, we’ll never know.

Now, Nikon either needs a talkback function on this camera, something along the lines of “No, bitch, those are my muthafuckin’ eyes, and if you ask me that again, I’ll rip your dick off” or they just need to recall this joint stat.

[jozjozjoz.com: Racist Camera! No, I did not blink… I’m just Asian!]

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Filed under: Asian Eye Jokes, Bloggers, Nikon S630, Racist Camera, Ricism, Ricist Camera, Self-Hating Gadgets

Vujacic-A-Boom

Listen, I don’t want to knock Emily Ho, profiled this week by LA Weekly’s Jonathan Gold, whose meteoric rise from Lakers fan girlfriend to Sasha “The Machine” Vujacic enthusiast to webmaster of the Official Site of the shooting guard is nothing to sniff at.

There’s a part of me that wants to hate– the reallyreallybitchy part of me that first and foremost despises the fucking Lakers (Uh, no, I do not care how good they are). And carries a deep, personal aversion to Lakers fan girlfriends, like my college roommate (who knew dog piddle about hoops when I met her, but to impress her grad school beau, began sporting yellow-and-purple tanks, yelling at the TV for players on the wrong team, and doubting my knowledge of key player trades–something she had, in just one season, not yet witnessed).

This icky thing inside of me also starts snippy, snarling fights with ladies in pumps and half-tops that pretend to watch ball at sports bars without ever turning towards the screen. And it deeply protests the manufacture of team jerseys in pink for female fans, since they don’t contribute to a team’s color domination of a stadium–and overall are cheesy, embarrassing, and offensive. This aspect of me will try to remain silent on the topic of Emily Ho.

A nicer (albeit smaller) part of me celebrates Ho’s opportunity, as well as her commitment to a competitive sport. And thinks it’s just great that her Vujacic official site, which seems primarily trafficked by enthusiastic females (and is loved and supported by the player and his family), isn’t just a virtual beer garden loaded up with stats, action shots, and sports trivia. Instead it’s a fun, girly, window-into-the-celebrity-soul kinda space, featuring interviews with fans and sexy desktop designs; where the athlete Twitters and answers novice questions like, “What’s the best thing about being on the Lakers?” In a way, it lowers the bar of entry in terms of committed fandom of Mr. Vujacic, if not the team and the sport as well: Why focus on a player’s numbers when you might just like his headwear? Why can’t sports enthusiasm be emotional? Why can’t it be about attraction? Why can’t it be about swarthy skin and flowing hair?

Okay, I’ll say it: As if the bar wasn’t low enough.

But last night, as I watched the Lakers do a number on the Utah Jazz (save for that nail-biter of a 4th quarter) to advance in the playoffs, yet another (but still very grouchy) part of me rumbled a little. It must have been Vujacic in his stupid black headband, celebrating his big, dumb team’s victory in the series, or something. But I couldn’t help but think about how his official site would soon be buzzing with rabid girl fans hurriedly typing out their post-playoff-game burners: “Is there a locker room afterparty?” or “Does Gatorade in your clothes get sticky?” or “How often do you wash your hair?” By God, it made me crazy to think that his Twitter followers would soon be lauding him for how cute he looked at the line, instead of the intensity of his game.

And I just couldn’t hold it back anymore. So here I go:

I HATE SASHA VUJACIC’S OFFICIAL SITE. IT’S REALLY FUCKING LAME AND SHAMELESS, EVEN FOR A LAKER.

(Fine, I’m a player hater.)

[LA Weekly: LA People 2009: Vujachick — Sasha Watch Blogger Emily Ho]
[SashaVujacic18.com: The Official Web Site of "The Machine"]

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Thanks, Josh!

Filed under: Basketball, Bloggers, Emily Ho, Haterasian, LA Lakers, Men Should Never Wear Headbands And For that Matter Neither Should Women, NBA, Pink Jerseys, Professional Athletes, Sasha Vujacic, The Machine

BABEWATCH: Kymby

Name: Kymby

Occupation: Blogger for The Lipstick Diaries

Why She’s A Babe: Bloggers often get a bad rap for being icky-faced trolls hiding behind laptops, or “kids in pajamas sitting in the basement of their parents’ homes.” We, ahem, like to think that bloggers can be both rapid-fire, web-saavy, and dripping with sex appeal–proof positive is the tatted, sultry, animal-loving Kymby, who blogs with five other fine ladies about nightlife, streetwear, and hot art for The Lipstick Diaries.

We also figure that if she does happen to blog in her pajamas, they’re very cute pajamas.

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Filed under: Bad Raps, Bloggers, Hot Bloggers, Kymby, Nightlife, Pajamas, Sarah Palin Bloggers In Pajamas, Streetwear, Tattoos, The Lipstick Diaries, Trolls, Very Sexy Indeed

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Woeser

Name: Woeser

Age: 42

Occupation: Poet, Essayist, Blogger

Known for: quietly fighting the good fight. Woeser, who was profiled last weekend in the New York Times, is the daughter of a Tibetan mother and half-Han Chinese army general (schooled in Mandarin, she is one of the few Tibetan writers to speak in Chinese).

The Chinese government condemns her books, four of Woeser’s blogs have been blocked or hacked by authorities, and her family and friends have experienced detainment and questioning for disseminating her information–yet still she continues to blog. Her site, “Invisible Tibet,” has become a reliable source of Tibetan news for those who can scale The Great Firewall, and she recently published the book “Forbidden Memory” in Taiwan, which shares her father’s photos of the Cultural Revolution.

Despite the level of danger she faces on a daily basis, Woeser keeps on speaking, hoping enough people will eventually hear.

[NYT: A Tibetan Blogger, Always Under Close Watch, Struggles for Visibility]
[Invisible Tibet]

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Thanks, Dave!

Filed under: Bloggers, China, Cultural Revolution, Danger, Essayists, Forbidden Memory, Hackers, Invisible Tibet, Mandarin Speakers, Poets, The Chinese Government, The Great Firewall Taiwan, Tibet, Woeser

We’ll Arr Arike

What do Fidel Castro, Tila Tequila, Perez Hilton, Bai Ling, and Diana & Jen have in common?

Quite a bed of fellows

We’re ALL… BLOGGERS!!!

Yeah, that’s right. Castro is blogging. And yes, this post has us thinking the same thing you are: Perhaps Jen and I should find a new profession.

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Filed under: Bai Ling, Bloggers, Commonalities, Fidel Castro, Perez Hilton, Strange Bedfellows, Tila Tequila, Time for a New Venue?, Weird Cuban Behavior

BABEWATCH: Thuy Nguyen

Name: Thuy Nguyen

Hails from: La La

Occupation: Co-founder of the blog organic, Green Grown and Sexy.

Why She’s A Babe: Yes, we’re biased because she rocks a most attractive surname. But bias aside, Nguyen’s a glamorously un-crunchy poster girl for the new green millenium: a pretty lady that recycles, kicks back sustainable liquor, would rather go naked than wear fur–but would still look great in a bikini.

Listen, we’re human! And we’re often swayed by a pretty face. With a spokesperson like her nudging at us to do so, we can almost imagine ourselves giving up Korean BBQ and frito pie. Almost.

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Filed under: Angelenos, Bikinis, Bloggers, Fur, Green Grown and Sexy, Nguyens Rule, Pretty Ladies, Thuy Nguyen, Vegetariasians