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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Chanel Iman
Happy birthday to Chanel Iman, whose lanky limbs and luscious lips turned the ripe old age of 20 on Monday!
And since we’ve endured enough Blasian falsehoods for the week, let us celebrate one Blasian truth: this little lady is only going to get better and better and better with age. Y’all know it’s true.
[Chanel Iman on MySpace]
Filed under: Aging Nicely, Beautiful Ladies, Birthdays, Blasian Models, Blasians, Chanel Iman, Hotties, Models, People of Supernatural Beauty, Savoring Your Early Twenties
We Get It Already, Blasians Can’t Drive Escalades
As Gawker aptly pointed out yesterday, nearly every hack comedian in America managed a take on this setup: “Blasian Tiger Woods crashes his Escalade.”
There are many versions, but the joke goes something like this:
Tiger Woods crashed his Escalade yesterday!
Well you know, he’s Black and Asian [pause for yuks].
And of course… the Black part of him bought the Cadillac [insert ghetto grin] and the Asian part of him was driving [insert buck teef]!
Click here for the sampler flight of punchlines.
Surprisingly, though, not one comedian seemed to find a way to make the “joke” funny. ZzZZZzzZzzZZZzZzzzzzZzzzz.
[via Gawker]
Thanks, Jasmine and Colin!
Filed under: Asian Drivers, Bad Driving, Bad Jokes, Blasians, Buck Teef, Cadillac, Escalade, George Lopez Is Criminally Unfunny, Jo Koy, Lame, Stereotypes, Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods Crash, Tiger Woods Runs Car Into Fire Hydrant, Wanda Sykes, ZZzzzZzZzZZzzzz
BABEWATCH: Sonja Sohn “reWIRED”
Name: Sonja Sohn 
Hails from: Virginia
Occupation: Actress and activist
Why She’s a Babe: As Detective Kima Greggs on the best television show of all time, The Wire, Sonja proved that she could drink, smoke, fuck, and fuck up her relationships right alongside the big boys. And now the Blasian former slam poet–who goes by her Korean American mother’s maiden name because her father didn’t approve of her career choice–is turning her experiences from the show and from filming in the bleakest neighborhoods of Baltimore into a nonprofit called “reWIRED For Change,” a life-skills, violence prevention, and self-esteem-building program targeting at-risk youth, ages 14-24. This along with The Wire being taught as a course at Harvard next year makes it almost seem like the show never died, went to TV heaven, and left me canceling HBO, watching all five seasons on DVD over and over like a fiend, and in a state of permanent mourning.
Well, almost.
[Boston Globe: 'The Wire' sparks a connection]
Filed under: Baltimore, Blasians, Groundbreaking Television, HBO, I Miss The Wire, Korean-Americans, Mixed People, One Hour Dramas, Rewired for Change, sonja sohn, The Wire, The Wire Goes to Harvard
Hines Ward: You’re Okay, We’re Okay
After watching Hines Ward fumble what should have been a game-winning ball at the end of the fourth quarter against the Tennessee Titans last night, I wasn’t worried. I was shocked–because Ward simply doesn‘t suffer accidents like that, especially five yards from the goal line–but deep down, I knew the Steelers would hold the game into OT and pave the way for Jeff Reed to take it home.
Ward was shocked, too. He took it hard. Real hard. In fact, every time the camera cut to him from the moment of that gaffe until the game reached its final tally at 13-10, the usually-grinning Ward was hurting, hating himself. His eyes said it all–If he hadn’t been on a field with 26,000 tons of burly dudes, he would have been sobbing his ass off.
I wanted to jump through the television, transport myself from my L.A. living room to the chilly bench at Heinz Field, run over to him with a gatorade and a towel, and give him a big ol’ hug. I wanted to tell him: Buddy, it’s okay. It was a mistake, but one our team overcame. It’s hard for you because you don’t often make mistakes. You don’t understand failure, because it is unfamiliar to you. But dude, even almost-perfect people have imperfect moments. Like when my dad is shocked that he’s lost something (because he’s a robot and NEVER LOSES ANYTHING), or pissed when he sneezes, because he can’t believe his body would dare allow sickness–he doesn’t like it, but it happens. Try to let it go, honey pie. For this one colossal fuckup, you have and will make up for it with about nine-hundred bajillion superhuman awesome feats. You’re good. There’s no question about it. Nobody’s mad atcha. Let’s turn that frown upside down!!!
But I couldn’t transport myself to Pennsylvania. I could only watch as Ward sighed a pained air-gulp of relief as Reed’s kick sailed between the posts to end the contest. He tucked his head down and walked out of the stadium, weighed down with shame even though the Steelers walked away from the game 1-0. I realized that there was no consoling him (he’s a superstar blasian for crying out loud. Poor guy probably spent all night alternating acts of flogging himself with intense weight training and repeated recitation of: “You almost ruined it for everyone, you stupid jerk. Everyone, you stupid jerk! Agh! Stupid. Stupid!”). At least not for awhile.
This morning, assuming that there had been a good five minutes for photo-ops, I trolled the web for snaps of a forlorn Ward with tears in his eyes. But neither NFL.com nor ESPN seemed to find it necessary to document a close-up of his shame in their galleries.
Perhaps none of us want to see Ward make mistakes. We’d rather see him smile.
[Washington Post: Steelers Pick Up Right Where They Left Off]
Filed under: Allergic to Failure, Blasians, Even Asians Make Mistakes, Flogging One's Self, Football, Hines Ward, Keep Yer Head Up, NFL, Pittsburgh Steelers
ROCK OF ASIAN: Judith Hill, "Heal the World" Singer
The only time I cried Tuesday during the Michael Jackson memorial was in the middle of it, when I went back to sleep after an awful night of tossing and turning and dreamed that I was crying, uncontrollably, that hiccupy, face-contorting, ugly kind of crying. It was unclear in the dream why I was crying, but I remember being surprised by my tears. And then I woke up and watched the rest of the memorial service, which I had recorded, dry-eyed.
There was something so chilling about mourning a man in the most public of ceremonies whose great tragedy was that he had never had a private life. Even in death, there wasn’t any way for Michael Jackson to walk–or be driven in a casket–down the street unnoticed.
And the memorial service itself, while undoubtedly providing fans some kind of catharsis–and entertainment, searing into our brains one last time this notion that Michael was the consummate entertainer–felt strangely like an awards show and not a funeral, an awards show with a peculiar dress code: black clothing, sad faces, choked-back tears. (Except for Mariah, who, god bless her, adorned her mourning garb with a Farrah Fawcett-worthy hair flip, cleavage down to there, and sequins.) Everyone who eulogized Michael was so famous, chyrons identifying them to the general public were dispensed with by and large.
Perhaps that’s why I found Judith Hill’s performance of “Heal the World” towards the end of the service so moving. Hill, who’s half-black and half-Japanese and whose parents met in a funk band in the 70’s, was scheduled to be one of Michael’s backup singers during his shows in London, and was, until yesterday, a complete unknown. Hours before Rolling Stone identified her, our friend Raymond, cofounder of URB magazine, Tweeted her identity and website (I don’t know how he figured it out, he’s just brillz that way).
Every time she sang the line “heal the world,” I thought she might actually do it. There was joy tempering the pain, and unlike so many of the other performances of the day, hers didn’t feel produced–in the sense of “lights, camera, action”–for an audience. Hill’s rendition of the song Michael once said was the one he was most proud to have created wasn’t transmitted through this thick static of celebrity, performance, apology, legacy-asserting, and possibly fake-tears. Which is why it almost brought me to real ones. And I think I might have cried if I knew what exactly I was crying for, unlike in my dream, where I cried and cried for no reason.
Would I be crying for him? Me? Those lost moments of childhood, jumping on my bed, singing every line that I could make out in Thriller, believing there was no greater happiness?
[Judith Hill Music]
[Judith Hill MySpace]
Thanks, Raymond!
Filed under: Blasians, Judith Hill Heal the World Singer, Mariah Carey, Michael Jackson Funeral, Michael Jackson Memorial, Mixed People, We Are the World
BABEWATCH: Kamala Harris
Name: Kamala Devi Harris
Age: 44
Hails from: The East Bay, CA
Occupation: San Francisco District Attorney and California Attorney General candidate
Why She’s a Babe: SF District Attorney Kamala Harris is hot because she’s tough. She’s tough on gun felonies, child assaults, hate crimes, and violent crime in general. The only thing she isn’t tough on is, obvs, the eyes. She’s also the Queen of Firsts: the first woman elected District Attorney of San Francisco, the first African-American voted to that office in California, the first Indian-American to hold that position in the United States. And her next move? Becoming the first female Attorney General of the state of California in 2010.
To learn more about Kamala Harris’s 2010 campaign for CA Attorney General, go to her official website.
Become a fan of Kamala’s on Facebook here.
Filed under: Badasses, Blasians, California Attorney General Race 2010, East Bay, firsts, Kamala D. Harris, Kamala Devi Harris, Kamala Harris, Mixed People, San Francisco District Attorney, We Love Being First
BABEWATCH: Dave Roberts
New England Sports Network’s (NESN) Red Sox play-by-play guy Don Orsillo and Dave RobertsName: Dave Roberts
Hails from: Southern California
Ethnicity: Blasian (Roberts’ mother is Japanese)
Occupation: Retired baseball player and newly-hired NESN studio analyst
Why He’s a Babe: Admittedly, I’m biased. Because without Dave Roberts and The Steal, there is no Bloody Sock Comeback after being down 3-0 to the Yankees in the 2004 ALCS, there is no World Series win for the first time in 86 years, there is probably–if you subscribe to the Ray Bradbury school of thought where the future hinges on the smallest of incidents–no second World Series win in 2007. There is most likely only more misery, pessimism, and teeth-gnashing for Red Sox Nation, forever and ever amen. But what’s so appealing about the former outfielder, really, is that he was undersized as a player, not a power hitter, not a star, with a a so-so throwing arm–totally forgettable, in many ways–but he always managed to find a way on base and to make an impact in a game, earning a spot in the top 10 in steals for five straight seasons when he played for the Dodgers, the Padres, and the Giants in the National League (it would have been six straight had he not come in a paltry…11th in 2007). And playing above your god-given talent level? That’s the definition of being a baller. And being a baller is, as they’d say in New England, wicked hot. Plus, look at those adorable crinkly eyes!
Roberts is once again proving just how scrappy and memorable he is by filling in in the booth for beloved Sox color commentator Jerry “Rem Dawg” Remy while Remy recovers from lung cancer surgery. Of Roberts’s game-calling debut, play-by-play announcer Don Orsillo said what’s been said of Roberts innumerable times throughout his unlikely career: “I couldn’t have been more impressed.”
The StealFiled under: Baseball Players, Blasians, Boston Red Sox, Dave Roberts, Don Orsillo, Jerry Remy, Mixed People, MLB, NESN, Red Sox Nation, The Bloody Sock Comeback, The Steal
BABEWATCH: Chanel Iman
Name: Chanel Iman Robinson
Age: 19
Occupation: Model
Why She’s a Babe: Well, for one thing, Chanel, who was named after Coco Chanel and the supermodel Iman, is only 19, so she’s actually a babe, as in a babe-in-the-woods. And while she’s been modeling since she was 13, she’s maintained a certain fresh-faced innocence about her (Flashing peace signs! Winking at Anna Wintour!), a fact that made Tyra cry on her talk show and has been widely attributed to the hands-on involvement of Chanel’s mama, China Robinson, who is half-Korean and half-black. And while she’s being billed as the new Naomi, she’ll still put unflattering photos of herself on her MySpace page and give them cute captions like “FOR ALL U DORKS OUT THERE IM DORKY TOOO.”
Recently, Chanel signed on to co-host an updated version of MTV’s awesomely awful ’90’s show about fashion, House of Style. We’re betting Chanel won’t be as wooden as the show’s original host, Cindy Crawford, although we’re praying the new House of Style will be just as kitschy and bizarre as ever.
Chanel and China RobinsonFiled under: Blasian Models, Blasians, Chanel Iman, China Robinson, Coco Chanel, Fashism, MTV's House of Style, The Tyra Banks Show
BABEWATCH: Patrick Chung
Name: Patrick Chung
Hails from: Jamaica
Occupation: Oregon Ducks football player
Why He’s a Babe: Because the 21 year-old Jamaisian (father is half-Chinese, half-Jamaican, mother is Jamaican) emerged during this year’s Senior Bowl as an NFL draft prospect to watch. And because Chung, who plays at the safety position, is strong, compact, and fast, labeled one of the eight “baddest” college football players in the country. Also, Jamaisians, like Tyson Beckford and Naomi Campbell, are just plain hawt. We only hope that Chung consulted with some of his Hardass Jamaisian Relatives before getting that tat on his right bicep, so it isn’t uglifying that beautiful strong arm with utter nonsense.
Filed under: Blasians, Draft Prospects, Jamaisians, Mixed People, Naomi Campbell, NFL Draft, Oregon Ducks Football, Patrick Chung, Tattoos, Tyson Beckford, University of Oregon
Naomi Campbell Throws a Blasian Party, and We’re Not Invited
On Wednesday, during London Fashism Week, Naomi Campbell put on a Fashion for Relief charity runway show featuring her hot Blasian model friends, Chanel Iman (who is a quarter-Korean) and Tyson Beckford (who is a quarter-Chinese):
And we were curiously left off the guest list. Hmm. Maybe we should be nicer to our favorite phone-thrower-nista?
Yeah, riiiiiiiiiiight.
Filed under: Blasian Models, Blasians, Chanel Iman, Charity, Fashion for Relief, Fashion Runway, Fashism, Models, Naomi Campbell, Public Image Makeovers, Trannies, Tyson Beckford
ROCK OF ASIAN: Black Kids in Los Angeles
Last night, we caught the Black Kids show at the El Rey. There were a surprising number of geezers in the audience (we count ourselves among them). Which is funny, because what we love about Black Kids is how young they are–young, fun, and unjaded. They were stoked to be playing a packed house in L.A. They don’t even have their stage banter down yet, unless you count Reggie Youngblood using “fuckin’” and “motherfuckers” a lot. Sometimes Reggie sang off-key. Their set was short, because as Reggie put it, they’ve only got “like, seven songs.” But they’re still fuckin’ entertaining, and when they pulled out the Clash’s “The Magnificent Seven” for their encore, we fell in love with them all over again.
Ali Youngblood of Black Kids
A lot has been made of Reggie, because he’s the lead singer, he’s got that badass Filipifro, and he rocks the skinny jeans. Not enough has been said about his sis Ali, however, who is a stone cold fox. She’s 180 degrees from the pale, wan, depressed-looking, twiggy drip that you always see plaguing the indie rock scene. She’s stacked and she doesn’t hide it. She let her hair down and shook it loose in the middle of the set. When she smiles, she looks like a Blasian Betty Boop. And she smiles a lot. So, yeah, we would totally do her.
Download the Black Kids’ first full-length album Partie Traumatic on iTunes. Then go see them in concert and tell us what you think. In the meantime, enjoy this dramatic reading of the lyrics to “Partie Traumatic”:
Filed under: 80's Throwbacks, Ali Youngblood, Betty Boop, Black Kids, Blasians, Dramatic Readings, Ladies Who Rock, Partie Traumatic, Reggie Youngblood, Stone Cold Foxes, The Clash
Ne-Yo So Sick of Britney
Poor Brit Brit. Blasian R&B artist Ne-Yo wrote some songs for her next album but gave them instead to Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls after Britney had her mental meltdown last year. Ne-Yo contends that it was Britney who flaked and only got her panties-she-never-wears in a twist when she discovered that he had given the songs to Nicole.
“I heard that she was upset with me,” Ne-Yo says, “and, you know, I don’t care.”
Meanwhile, Britney is looking better these days, if a little dead/medicated in the eyes, but she doesn’t hold a candle to Nicole, who, skanky as she is, is undeniably smokin’. Here’s the one non-stripper snap of the Pinaysian Pussycat that we were able to find on the world wide web-o-sphere:
Very Maria Callas. We like.
Filed under: Blasians, Britney Spears, Maria Callas, Mental Illness, Ne-Yo, Nicole Scherzinger, Pinay Powerhouses, Pinaysians, Smokin' Hot, The Pussycat Dolls, Yesterday's News Is Tomorrow's Fish and Chip Paper
