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I know, I know. It’s just a clothing line! Lighten up! And it’s so kawaii as the ads keep telling me, forcing the word on me like a pacifier to the lips of a crying, reluctant babe. (Wouldn’t be surprised if Gwen Stefani had tried to trademark the Japanese word for “cute” some time in the last 5 years or so. She’s already pretty much got “Harajuku”–the name of a Tokyo neighborhood–locked down legally.) And look, the Harajuku Mini for Target children’s clothes collection, which launches Sunday online and in stores, is “kawaii,” in a “What if a little panda cub who was part skater-punk threw up and it looked like lollipops and rainbows?” sorta way.
But, you know, I can forgive, but I can’t forget. Wait, who am I kidding? I can’t forgive either! Because when I see this ad plugging Gwen Stefani’s latest business venture…
…all I see is this:
Filed under: Bizarre Misappropriation of Asian Culture by Talentless White Girls, Children's Clothing, Clothing, Free the Harajuku Girls, Gwen Stefani, Harajuku Haters, Harajuku Lovers, Harajuku Mini for Target, Kawaii, Panda Vomit, Target, This is Bullshit
Paris Hilton is in Shanghai to inexplicably host the MTV Style Gala, which will honor China’s leading fashists tonight. At a news conference promoting the awards show, Paris made really really smart comments about the “Paris of the East” like, “Shanghai looks like the future!” She also racial dragged it up in a qipao mini holding a portrait of her and a Panda.
I wish my 88 year-old grandmother could see this. Unfortunately, her only news source is the Chinese newspaper, she doesn’t know what the internet is, so she is one of the lucky few who doesn’t know who Paris Hilton is either. But if she did, she wouldn’t hug her like this lady did in Yu Yuan Gardens, a Shanghai tourist attraction…
Here’s the thing: sometimes being racist is funny!
I can’t think of a good example off the top of my head, but I do believe that being at least semi-attractive with a brain larger than a peanut is required to pull it off.
Unfortunately for YouTube’s man-faced, self-appointed advice columnist, neither of those qualities seem to be present. Shame!
Filed under: Assimilasian, Bad "Bits", Bizarre Misappropriation of Asian Culture by Talentless White Girls, Grating Voices, It's Monday--I'm Bitchy, Mannish Women, Nail Salons, Ricism, This Shit is Unacceptable
Yeah, it’s annoying.
I waited and waited and waited for the punch line and then realized that this “Alex Thomopoulos” lady is just a bad aspiring sketch actress with a terrible knack for accents and a name begging for a junior high bully. And arguably, a ricist. Poor thing.
“Oh, ehrm, jolly good day to you! Now what’s all this ruckus I’ve been hearing about Mum being a slave owner? Last time I checked, it was still legal to have coolies and might I add, quite fashionable. They’re not called Ornamentals for nothing, are they now? Mum treats them quite well, I’ll have you know. She has their cages cleaned three times weekly and on occasion has been known to lavish them with day-old toast. Nummy, Mummy! Why just look at this one–is it Love, Angel, Music or Baby? Can’t remember exactly, no matter–idling away the time with a golden spoon! Heavens! I should be so lucky! And I’m master of the house.”
(If you believe this child may be afflicted with Assburger’s Syndrome, click here.)
Tired of GWEN STEFANI yet? I am. But unfortunately for all of us, Gwen’s Sweet Escape Tour kicks off tomorrow night in Vegas.
Some people have said things to us over the last few weeks, re: Gwen, like:
“What’s the big deal?”
“Be happy that she’s exposing America to Harajuku.”
“I like her style.”
“Wind It Up is fun to dance to.”
I have a litany of responses to all of these concerns, but I’m just going to let these pictures do the talking.
“Quite frankly, I’m bored with this subject already. As I told Entertainment Weekly months ago, the Harajuku Slaves are ‘fun’ and my ‘art project.’ And now you’re saying they have to be PEOPLE, too? God, you’re racist!”
fashionweekdaily.com reported yesterday that Gwen Stefani and L.A.M.B. head designer Zaldy Goco, the Filipino Olivier Theyskens, have parted ways.
Zaldy: Er, it’s Zaldy.
Gwen: Hmm. Anyway, Imelda, it’s just, how do I put this? I think it looks bad for me to have one of my “backup dancers” be the designer of L.A.M.B., you know what I’m saying?
Zaldy: I, um, never was a dancer for you. I’m your designer.
Gwen: What?!? Is this some kind of joke, Mikaka? April Fool’s is over, Slave.
Zaldy: No, really, I was the designer of L.A.M.B. for the last three years.
Gwen: As If! I am the designer of my own clothing line, that’s why they call it MY clothing line. Do you think anyone is going to believe that a two-bit Japanese tramp like you designed Gwen Stefani’s dope shit?
Zaldy: Um. Er. I’m Filipino. My name is Zaldy.
Gwen: Your name is whatever I say it is, Cuntard! How dare you be insubordinate. Forty lashes for you…Natsumi!
Zaldy: I think I should go now. (whips out cell phone, dials) Hello, Amnesty International?
Gwen: You can’t leave, Slave! I own you!
Pictured below is Gwen Stefani and one of her Japanese comfort women performing last night on American Idol:
Mikuko: With all due respect, Mistress Stefani, as I’ve told you eight thousand times before, my name is Elizabeth. (sigh) Do you need your face deep-freezer or do you want the stuff for your armpits, too?
Gwen Stefani: Mikuko! What did I say about talking back to your Mistress? Say another word and I will be forced…to hand you over to Master Rossdale.
Mikuko: Please, no, no, Mistress! I’ll do anything! I’ll follow you in full costume on your errands to Rite-Aid and the Beverly Center. I’ll eat Kingston’s runny poop, if you spare me this time! I am not so fond of Master Rossdale.
Gwen Stefani: Well I don’t like that puss-, er, Master Rossdale either. Try walking ONE day in my white patent tranny shoes, Mikuko! Ah, to be a slave. Not a care in the world.
Mikuko: Yes, yes, not a care.
Gwen Stefani: To have food and clothes and makeup provided for you, to never have to pay for anything. It’s like the world is your goody bag.
Mikuko: Mistress, I most deferentially beg to differ, but…
Gwen Stefani: Forty lashes tonight for you, Mikuko, for daring to talk back to your Mistress! If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times before, Shut the fuck up and look pretty, Slave! That’s it! We’re done here. Now which one of you Japs, Mikuko, Mikuki, Mikaka–I can never tell you apart anyway–is holding my Gucci diaper bag? I think I just crapped myself.