DISGRASIAN™

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Mao Asada Gets Her Day

Ice Queens: First Loser Kim Yu-Na and Winner Mao Asada at the 2010 World Figure Skating Championship in Turin, Italy

Name: Mao Asada

Age: 19

Hails from: Japan

Occupation: Figure skater

Known for: Playing second-fiddle to Queen Yu-Na at this year’s Winter Olympics; looking woefully sad on the medal podium while collecting her silver; inspiring some crazy nationalism between Japan and Korea; being the first woman to land two triple-axels in the same program back in 2006; finally getting redemption a month after the Olympics at the World Championships by beating Yu-Na, who fell on a triple salchow during her free skate.

So the rivalry between Yu-Na and Mao? Yeah, it’s ON. Like Ali-Frazier, but with sequins and spangles and a shit-ton of makeup.

Meanwhile, you gotta love the headlines from some of the Korean news outlets, which aren’t reporting Mao’s triumph so much as Yu-Na’s failure. From the Korea Times: “Yu-Na Fails to Defend Title.” And from Chosun Ilbo: “Kim Yu-Na Loses World Title in Turin.”

Ouch!

[SF Chronicle: Japan's Asada tops rival Kim to capture world skating title]

Filed under: 2010 Figure Skating World Championships, 2010 Olympics, 2010 Winter Olympics, Amazians, Bitchfights, Figure Skating, Ice Queens, Ice Skating, Japan vs. Korea, Kim Yu-na, Mao Asada, Nationalism, Queen Yu-na, Rivalries

BITCHFIGHT ALERT! Meghan McCain vs. Michelle Malkin

Oh, it’s on.

During a live chat Friday on Politico’s The Arena, Malkin–who’s been busy promoting her new Obama-hatin’ book–was asked which conservative commentator “needs to shut up,” and she named Meghan McCain.

McCain, in turn, responded via her Daily Beast column Monday, writing, “(I)f people like Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter think they can bully me into giving up this fight and what I am doing, they are going to be severely disappointed.” Then she threw down the ultimate blogger-to-blogger insult by boasting:

“Malkin has the No. 1 book on The New York Times bestseller hardcover nonfiction list, but I have nearly twice as many Twitter followers as she does. And trust me, Twitter is more of an indication of where young people are than books published by the hyper-conservative publisher Regnery—which will be bringing you Carrie Prejean’s new book and published one of Ann Coulter’s.“

Ahhh sheeeit, Michelle, are you going to take that lying down?!

Meanwhile, my money’s on Meghan McCain in this bitchfight. And here’s why. She might not know a whole lot about the history of her own political party, but a) McCain’s already got a fighting Asian sidekick in her BFF Tila Tequila, who’s a self-professed former “cholo gang” member, and b) I’m pretty sure one thwap from McCain’s tremendous boobs to Malkin’s face would knock tha bitch out cold.

[The Daily Beast: My Message for Michelle Malkin]

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Filed under: Bitchfights, Boobs, Conservative Pundits, Meghan McCain, Meghan McCain vs. Michelle Malkin, Michelle Malkin, Republican Infighting

Chu’s Zooming Chu? Judy Chu v. Betty Chu

Democratic candidate and AOTW Judy Chu was the top vote-getter Tuesday in the race for the 32nd Congressional District seat vacated by Secretary of Labor Hilda Solis, winning 32.5% of the vote. But because she didn’t receive a 50% majority, she’ll face off with Republican Betty Chu, who got 10% of the vote, and some Libertarian dude who’ll be a non-factor, in a July runoff.

Judy Chu v. Betty Chu

The drrrama factor of Chu v. Chu is amped by the fact that Judy and Betty are related by marriage (Betty is married to Judy’s first cousin). And they hate each other! Especially after this election, during which Judy’s campaign accused Betty of trying to coattail on Judy’s name–Judy is the more well-known of the two–and of changing her Chinese name characters, which were printed on the ballot, to more closely resemble Judy’s (Mistasian Identity, Betty…that’s some dirty pool!). To which Betty–who, at 72, is 17 years Judy’s senior–replied, “Believe me, my name has been around a lot longer than hers. I was born with that name.”

BITCHFIGHT!!!

Well, not really, given that the 32nd Congressional District is mostly Latino, strongly Democratic, and expected to go to Judy, but can you blame us for dreaming?

[LA Times: Two Chus among candidates for San Gabriel Valley seat]

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Filed under: 32nd Congressional District, Asian-American Politicians, Betty Chu, Bitchfights, Chinese-Americans, Dirty Politics, Drama, Judy Chu, Mistasian Identity, San Gabriel Valley

Tila Tequila Likes to F*ck…with Free Speech

In lieu of putting up pictures of Tila Tequila, we give you a diseased pussy instead

A little over a week ago, we received a takedown notification from Blogger telling us that Tila Tequila (and her legal team, presumably) has claimed DISGRASIAN has infringed upon her copyrights in a specific post written in April of last year. The post, coincidentally, was about the last Miley Cyrus flap, when she posed as pedobait for Vanity Fair, and it included the sage advice Tila had given Miley at the time as well as a screengrab from A Shot at Love (read it here before Tila “disappears” it). Here is a copy of the takedown notice:

The day before we received this notification, a blogger at Nerve also received a cease-and-desist letter from Tila’s people accusing the blogger of “unauthorized exploitation” of Tila’s name and image.

It sounds to us like Tila has begun a campaign to rehabilitate her image and become more mainstream. Perhaps she should have thought about that before she put titty shots of herself all over the internet, recorded crap songs like “I Like to Fuck,” wrote crap rants about the “Fuck God” that she tried to pass off as poetry, and made her dating life into a base, prurient, lowest common denominator-game show.

It also sounds a helluva lot like Tila Tequila believes in CENSORSHIP. Of the very same medium that made her, which, frankly, we find shockingly ungrateful. And while we don’t know a ton about the law, we do know that:

1. Free speech is constitutional.
2. We’re pretty sure that writing about and posting pictures of Tila Tequila is protected under Fair Use law.
3. Just to be sure, we’re consulting legal experts in internet law at Harvard and Stanford.
4. Did somebody say “takedown”?! We love a good, old-fashioned, motherfucking takedown.

In non-legalese, that means BRING IT, BITCH.

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Filed under: Bitchfights, Bring It, Fair Use, Free Speech-Haters, Tila Nguyen, Tila Tequila Censorship, Tila Tequila Copyright Infringement, Tila Tequila Free Speech, Tila Tequila Takedown

Let’s Wrestle

We lifted this Japanese female wrestling video from our dear friend Akira’s web page. It’s equal parts gymnastics, swing-dancing, stage-diving, and bitchfighting. It is, in a word, awesome. Dig the little girl in the Iron Maiden tee.

Filed under: Bitchfights, Gymnastics, Iron Maiden, Japanese Female Wrestling, Stage Diving, Swing Dancing

2 Divas, 1 Dress

Recently, while shooting a music video at the Great Wall, C-pop singer CoCo Lee wore the same one-of-a-kind, $200,000, crystal-encrusted divabot dress that Beyoncé worked at the BET Awards in June. CoCo reportedly said that she didn’t mind wearing Beyoncé’s hand-me-downs. Not sure if I believe that.

So which diva is rocking the gown harder?

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Filed under: Beyonce Knowles, Bitchfights, CoCo Lee, Divas, Fashism, Hand-Me-Downs, Robot Gear

Whateva Junior

I’m pretty sure that this little girl Ally has the tude and the tools to bitchfight with the bestest when she grows up:

Yo, talk to the hand, bitches.

Thanks Sally!

Filed under: Baby Ally, Bitchfights, Divas In Training, Our Progeny Are Just Cuter--Deal With It, Whateva, YouTube Gems

YMI Here?

Billboards for YMI Jeanswear have been going up all over town featuring 2007′s Miss Universe Riyo Mori of Japan and Miss USA Rachel “I fell on my ass at Miss Universe” Smith and Miss Teen USA Hilary Cruz.

Now, let’s take a peek at Riyo’s internal monologue during this shoot.

RIYO: YMI sharing billboard space with these losers? YMI doing ads for low-rent hooker wear?

Riyo can also be seen on MTV’s new reality drama-queen show “Pageant Place,” which premiered last Wednesday. The premise is that Miss Universe, Miss USA and 2006′s Miss Teen USA Katie Blair will all live together in an apartment during their reign. Like The Real World, only prettier. The wrinkle? 2006′s Miss USA Tara “Coke-a” Conner moves in with them this week, pissing off both the reigning Miss USA Rachel Smith and Miss Teen USA Katie Blair, who was BFF with Tara until she ratted Tara out to “the organization” for being a cokewhore and almost got her dethroned.

Below, please find Pageant Place’s trailer trash (if doesn’t actually play on our site, because it’s MTV and they blow):

And Riyo’s internal monologue about all this?

RIYO: YMI sharing screen time with these trashy hos? Especially those two blonde fat-faces who are a donut away from blowing up?

(existential pause)

RIYO: Are you there God? It’s me, Riyo. YMI a useless beauty queen/reality show whore? YMI doing any of this? YMI here? Y. M. I….alive?

(existential crisis ensues)

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Filed under: Bitchfights, Blame It on Riyo, Donald Trump, Existential Crises, Fat-Faced Blondes, Miss Universe, Pageant Place, Reality Television Scrapes the Bottom of the Barrel, Tara Conner, Trashy Hos

ROCK OF ASIAN: Penn Masala

Okay, confession time. In college, I was in an a cappella singing group. I’m breaking out in hives just telling you this. Why? Um, let’s see.

1. a cappella singing is cool–if you’re a deluded dorky a-hole at a pretentious Ivy League college
2. we were so damn earnest while we sang songs by…Yaz
3. performing for nursing homes, private girls’ schools, and lame alumni gatherings in fancy-ish homes made me want to kill myself
4. we thought we were the shiznit on campus, instead of deluded dorky a-holes who could carry a tune and who got into crying bitchfights over who would sing what solos

But Salon recently unearthed this video by Penn Masala, a self-described “Hindi a cappella group” who actually formed at a pretentious Ivy League college AND really are the shiznit. It’s called “The Facebook Skit,” set to some Enrique Iglesias tune that you will recognize.

Zoom zoom ba-zoom, zoom zoom ba-zoom…oh, er, sorry…I guess old habits die hard.

(Thanks Jazzy Jas! You’re awesome!)

Filed under: A Cappella, Asian Moms Love Singing, Bitchfights, Confessions, Deluded Dorky A-holes, Funny Men, Penn Masala, The Facebook Skit

David LaChapelle Says Free the Harajuku Girls

The New York Post reported yesterday that photographer/director David LaChapelle will never work again with Madonna, Xtina Aguilera, and…guess who?

A source told the Post, “He hates them…Something weird happened the last time he worked with Gwen [ed. note--like the fact that she had four silent enslaved geishas trailing behind her?], and he has cut her out.”

David–I promise never to call you “LaCrapelle” again. In fact, I think we should be friends.

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Filed under: Awkward Moments, Bitchfights, Blacklists, Christina Aguilera, David LaChappelle, Everything About Gwen Stefani Sucks Ass, Madonna

Bitchfight Alert!

A partial lineup for Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice was recently announced and includes season one’s bossy bitch Omarosa and our BFF Kimora Lee Simmons. Trump also claims to be in talks with Britney’s people. Alls I know is that a bitchfight is a comin’. And my money is on Kimora Lee. Remember, during season one, when Omarosa hit her head and got what she claimed was a “concussion,” wussed out on some task because of it and then got her ass canned?

Omarosa, gurl, that was child’s play compared to now. You have no idea what you’re in for, and I pity you.

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Filed under: Bitchfights, Celebutards, Donald Trump, Fake Celebutards, Kimora Lee Likes to Fight, Omarosa What's-Her-Name, Somebody's Cruisin' for a Bruisin', The Apprentice