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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Sometimes You Just Don’t Feel Like Partyin’, Partyin’ (Yeah!)

March 17th, 2011 | 11 comments | Posted by Diana

DISGRASIAN turned 4 earlier this month, and we didn’t celebrate it with Sichuan food and bowling (like our first birthday), a fine old bottle of Scotch (like our second), or a post in which we admitted–for possibly the first and probably the last time–that we are sometimes wrong about stuff (like our third). We didn’t even mention it to each other!

There’s always a teeny bit of discomfort that comes with a birthday–a heart sigh from being another step closer to the end, whatever “the end” may be. Some bewilderment about where you are, what you’re doing, disbelief that you’re only this far (or already too far). A bit of grief for the way things aren’t anymore, for the people that aren’t anymore, for the dreams that you have put to bed.

And that applies to a blog birthday, too. After all, four years is a long-ass time on the Internetz (Reading this, 10-year-old Angry Asian Man will likely roll his eyes and flip us the bird). But seriously, in 2011, who the eff is Sanjaya Malakar? And when was the last time we wrote about crazypants Tila Tequila? And have we run out of things to say about Gwen Stefani? (Probably, as her DISGRASIAN solo singing career seems to have stalled.)

While it’s certainly a relief to move on to more au courant items like, say, Rebecca Black’s awferful “Friday” song that we can’t stop fucking singing aloud (hence, the title of this post) and the inscrutable spelling habits of the Tea Party, it’s hard to think that we’ll never, for example, write about a new Guitar Hero edition (we were actually too sad to write about the death of our favorite all-ages pasttime on the blog) ever again. Maybe it makes just makes us feel old. Holy fudge, we ARE old!

Let me restate: This whole birthday thing makes us feel old, because we are.

And the reason I’m saying all of this? Because I love this Japanese YouTube cat, who seems about as stoked to be birthdaying it up as we are.

Continue reading BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Sometimes You Just Don’t Feel Like Partyin’, Partyin’ (Yeah!)

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Maury Povich

January 20th, 2011 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana




I discovered this week that the Maury show is still on television, with grinning host Maury Povich busting cheaters and soothing folks with atypical fears every afternoon with just as much fervor as ever. With a quick Internetz search I also learned that Povich’s marriage to journalist Connie Chung is still going strong (see above photo, from 2010) after 27 years–675 years in Hollywood time, and that the seemingly unlikely pair only seem to be acquiring adorable laugh lines with age. Good for them!

Here’s hoping that Povich’s family (He and Chung have one son, as well as two daughters from his previous marriage) had a nice little celebration for the trash talk king’s 72nd birthday this past Monday. That’s assuming he doesn’t have a paralyzing fear of birthday cakes or anything…

[Wikipedia: Maury Povich]
[Maury show - official site]

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Sometimes The Best Gifts Are The Ones You Give Yourself

October 20th, 2010 | 7 comments | Posted by Diana

I have two male cousins that were born to and raised by the most intense woman I’ve ever met–my mom’s oldest sister. She’s my tough-as-nails, crazy-as-a-chicken, Hardass Asian Aunt and one Meanass Asian Mom. She probably thinks General McChrystal is a total pussy. Lady is intense.

In my aunt’s house, no drinks were consumed by children before their entire dinner (like a two-gallon bowl of Pho) was completely finished. Football games were not attended. Slumber parties were off limits. Piano was practiced at least two hours a day.  The icing on the cake? No birthdays were celebrated, either. No parties, no presents, nothin’.

I always imagined that if I had grown up in that house, I would have spent most of my time huddled in my bedroom, pretending to study or folding my clothes. In my alone time I would’ve thrown myself countless imaginary birthday parties, given myself infinite imaginary gifts, blown out hundreds of imaginary birthday candles. Why? Because sometimes it’s nice to celebrate being alive.

Anyway, the moral of this story is… well, there is no moral. And, to be perfectly honest, my parents threw me lots of nice birthday parties, and as a result I have blown out A LOT of trick candles in my day. I didn’t have to throw myself imaginary parties. But that doesn’t mean I can’t give myself a birthday present, because dammit, it’s my birthday today! Woohoo!

And I give myself… LANCE:

Oh, I love him! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Diana!

[via BoingBoing]
[YouTube: What a Wonderful World - ukulele with Lance :) ]

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Thanks, Jasmine!

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Matt Sharp

September 23rd, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana




Happy 41st birthday (yesterday) to my friend and bespectacled Wonder Twin Matt Sharp, frontman of the most spectacular band ever to rock a Moog. Many folks don’t know that the Virginian Rentals founder and former Weezer bassist was actually born in Thailand, which is perhaps where he picked up his jungle Asian ‘tude and Hardass Asian anal retentiveness.





After many years of hibernasian, Sharp and Co. recently released Songs About Time!!, an epic audio/visual compendium that includes 42 fresh tracks and 52 black-and-white short films (directed by the brilliant David Leamy) that were documented and released weekly in real-time over the course of one recording year. Well, it’s about time.

Peep Songs About Time!! here. Wish Matt a happy day (and tell him he owes me a bass lesson) here.

[The Rentals - Official Site]

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Bobby Lee

September 16th, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Diana




Happy birthday to Bobby Lee, who turns 37 tomorrow! We wish him a lavish day spent basking nude in the warm Los Angeles sun, lounging atop a very soft bearskin blanket, eating grapes hand-fed to him by a bevy of beautiful Jungle Asians while “The White Album” plays gently in 5.1 surround sound on a spectacular set of Martin Logan speakers.

Or a really nice dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory.

[Wikipedia: Bobby Lee]

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Bill O’Reilly

September 9th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Oh gosh!!! Happy happy happy 61st birthday, Bill O’Reilly!!!




Just kidding, you old fuck. You’re awful. Awful. AWFUL.

Instead, we’d like to celebrate the birth of another older gent, who’s only offended us once or twice: Senator Daniel Inouye, happy 86th birthday (two days ago)! May you you remain cuddly and tan. Let’s talk politics next week.




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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! (Sad) Keanu Reeves

September 2nd, 2010 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

Happy birthday to Keanu Reeves, who turns 46 today!

via bruna benvegnu

Dude, why so sad?

Why don’t you go buy yourself a present? Like a new Apple product?  That always makes us feel better.

via Xenohub

No? Well then, how about you go hang with the Old Spice Guy? He smells really, really good, and maybe some of his Swagger will rub off on you (not a gay reference, BTW, we’d never do that on your bday)?

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Dean Cain

July 29th, 2010 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana




Happy birthday to Dean Cain, who will turn 44 on Saturday!

I remember the first time I laid eyes on this warm-skinned, super-duper man on a classic episode of 90210 when he was the gullible, white-toothed, sexy-eyed Wisconsin boy that bought Brenda Walsh’s bad French act one summer in Paris. I couldn’t believe a guy so dumb and wholesome could also be wicked hot and intriguing, but oh, how he was.

Time has treated this hapa well, which makes me very happy. Why oh why did I ever stop stalking this guy?

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Slash

July 22nd, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy birthday to His Awesomeness, Slash, an esteemed honorasian who turns 45 tomorrow. Like many mythical creatures, Slash is practically ageless, timeless, and as mysteriously cool as when he first started rocking faces off at Madame Wong’s in ’84.

He will always be an inspirasian to us! We hope those hot fingers get a rest from axe-rocking, just for one day, so that Slash can celebrate the big 4-5 properly–with both fists wrapped around vodka bottles.

[Here Today... Gone To Hell! The History Of GN'R]

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Arianna Huffington

July 15th, 2010 | 3 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy birthday today to honorasian Arianna Huffington, our boss at HuffPo and one of the most influential women in media!

A few things we love about Arianna:

* She smells so good. She has the aroma of cleanliness and cashmere and a womanly, floral perfume not muddled by overbearing yucky stuff, like musk.

* She publishes DISGRASIAN on HuffPo!

* We love lady writers. And bloggers.

* She has turned self-reinvention into an art form.

* She works hard for the money.

* She publishes DISGRASIAN on HuffPo!

* She throws a great dinner party.

* OH, and that yummy accent. We love it, we love it!

* She publishes DISGRASIAN on HuffPo!

[Huffington Post]

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Chan Ho Park

July 1st, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Happy birthday Chan Ho Park! We hope you had a fantastic 37th birthday yesterday.





It took me a long time to write this post, because I accidentally fell down a wormhole of googling hot pictures of you in your beard (of which there are many). You know I have a thing for beards!

Anyway, instead I’ve used a current snap of you in your new Yankees gear just to get this post out the door. Eventually I realized that, beard or no beard, you’ll never really look quite so hot as you chould… if you’re a YANKEE.

Oh yeah, and happy birthday anyway!

xoxo
DISGRASIAN

(Hi Jen, go Red Sox!)

[Wikipedia: Chan Ho Park]

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BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN! Jujubee

June 24th, 2010 | 5 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy birthday to our beloved Jujubee, who turned 26 this week!

Darling, you are magnificent. We hope you got a long-overdue birthday call from your mama–and if you didn’t, well honeychild, come on over and we’ll hug you to our bosoms and tell you everything’s gonna be alright. Cuz everything’s gonna be alright.

MWAH! Dance the night away!!!

[Wikipedia: Jujubee (drag queen)]

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