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September 9th, 2010 | 1 comment | Posted by Diana

Oh gosh!!! Happy happy happy 61st birthday, Bill O’Reilly!!!

Just kidding, you old fuck. You’re awful. Awful. AWFUL.

Instead, we’d like to celebrate the birth of another older gent, who’s only offended us once or twice: Senator Daniel Inouye, happy 86th birthday (two days ago)! May you you remain cuddly and tan. Let’s talk politics next week.


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RNC Updasian: The Sham Continues

September 2nd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

People here are totally buying the “Diana as a Republican” impersonasian project. It’s so awesome! Yesterday, I even got heckled on the street by two hippies with a camcorder (am I confusing hippies with the Amish, or does that seem kinda wrong to you, too?), who yelled wistfully after me, “Now remember, Republicans are sexist, and you’re a WOMAN!”

I actually found myself getting angry. How dare they assault me for my political beliefs! And for the record, what’s so wrong with drilling in ANWR, and supporting the war in Iraq, and baking a cake for my husband? I couldn’t believe their nerve. So I adjusted my lanyard and RNC credentials, touched the pearls on my neck for strength, and kept walking.

Walking, that is, into the convention hall. Where I met other like-minded individuals, who I prayed with, and Muslim-bashed with, and spittoeyed on women’s and gay rights with. What fun! I was actually sad when it was over.

Until, of course, I met Bill O’Reilly. Even though he was a mean old dickface goat, it truly was an honor. An honor!


Now, how can I get in touch with Ms. Coulter and Ms. Malkin, the mavericks of our time? Somebody, help me please!

Um, I mean, really HELP ME. I think this “impersonasian” thing has gone too far. I’m booking a ticket home from the RNC for tomorrow morning, STAT.

Thanks, Christie and Joeff!

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