You are currently browsing posts tagged with Bill Gates

Gawker Reports Mark Zuckerberg’s Engaged, Which Leads To A Discussion Of What’s Wrong With Asian Women, Naturally

June 13th, 2011 | 10 comments | Posted by Jen

Mark Zuckerberg is engaged! Maybe. Bill Gates seems to think so anyway, calling Zuckerberg’s longtime girlfriend, med student Priscilla Chan, Zuck’s “fiancee” in a recent interview. Gawker picked up on this, and naturally, naturally, a conversation ensued in the comments section concerning why someone like Cilla would be with someone like Zuck.

THEORY #1: ASIAN WOMEN LOVE UGLY WHITE GUYS


THEORY #2: Continue reading Gawker Reports Mark Zuckerberg’s Engaged, Which Leads To A Discussion Of What’s Wrong With Asian Women, Naturally

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How To Be Like Warren Buffett

November 24th, 2009 | 1 comment | Posted by Jen

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.“–Mark Twain

Do clothes make the man?

When the men in question are Bill Gates, the richest man in the world ($40 billion), and Warren Buffett, the second-richest man in the world ($37 billion), and the clothes are suits made by Chinese tailor Dayang Trands so favored by Buffett that he claims to have thrown away all of his other suits, it’s probably worth testing out that theory.

From CNN’s Emily Chang:

[CNN: Buffett sizes up rags-to-riches Chinese tailor]

[Bloomberg: Buffett Praise of China Suit Maker Boosts Shares]

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I’m Not a PC. I’m Not a PC. I’m Not a PC. I’m Not a PC.

September 15th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Kylie, Bill Gates’ pint-sized, secret advertising weapon, is back in a new ad for Windows 7, which debuts October 22.

Once again, we will not be manipulated. We are not PC’s, dammit! Not now, not ever. PC’s aren’t cute. PC’s have no personality. PC’s are like that okay-looking bad kisser you meet at a bar and go home with whom you decide later on in the evening you don’t even have the energy to sleep with even though you really really need sex whom you then have to hastily kick out of your house because you’ve decided that how you really want to spend your evening is drinking alone and catching up on your TiVo.

That said, Damn you, Bill Gates. Damn. You. For. Almost. Making. Us. Wish. We. Were. PC’s. You. Prick.

[via channelAPA]

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I’m a PC. Wait, What?!

February 19th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Question: Who can resist the ineffable charms of a 4 1/2 year-old, tech-savvy, chubby-cheeked little Asian tater tot who emails her parents, doctors her pictures, has a pet fish named Dorothy, and tries to sell you a PC?

Answer: We can.

But it is. Oh. So. Hard. Because. She. Is. Our. Achilles. Heel. Damn. You. Bill. Gates.

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We Love You, Bill Gates

May 20th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen


Overheard at DISGRASIAN HQ earlier today:

DIANA and JEN blog their little hearts out on their Mac computers.

DIANA: Aaargghhh! I hate the latest version of Microsoft Word. It’s formatting all crazy again. Damn you, Bill Gates. An hour’s worth of work, down the shitter.

JEN: I think Bill Gates is misunderstood.

DIANA: (snorts) Yeah right.

JEN: No, I’m serious. Did you know he gave three million to Myanmar?

DIANA: That’s the least he could do, since he’s worth a gajillion dollars.

JEN: 58 billion, actually. But he’s no longer the world’s richest man even.

DIANA: Who is?

JEN: Warren Buffett.

DIANA: Aww! I love Warren Buffett! He’s so cuddly. I just want to squish him.

JEN: That’s what I’m saying about Bill Gates. I think he’s totally misunderstood. I think he’s probably a very nice man–

DIANA: OMG. Are you high? Bill Gates is a monopolist, a corporate raider, and, above all else, a greedy NERRRRRRD. I bet he eats his own boogers.

JEN: But he’s trying to solve the HIV/AIDS crisis in Africa.

DIANA: With that kind of money, he shoulda solved it already.

JEN: And he’s friends with Bono.

DIANA: I hate U2.

JEN: And he’s stepping down as Microsoft chairman in July to focus on charity.

DIANA: Dude. Seriously. What’s gotten into you?!

JEN: Nothing. What are you talking about? I’m great. I’ve just decided that…I love Bill Gates.

DIANA: I’m going to throw up.

JEN: (sighs) Okay, fine. I’m kissing Bill Gates’s ass. For a really good reason. Did you see what he gave South Korean president Lee Myung-bak earlier this month? Check it out:

JEN: Yeah, that’s right. A black Xbox with mother-of-pearl inlay. Only 100 of them were made.

DIANA: (awestruck) Shit. I just splooged my pants.

JEN: That’s what I’m saying.

DIANA: I love Bill Gates. I HAVE TO be his new BFF.

Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

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Bill Gasian

March 10th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Voicemail from Diana’s mom, heard over the weekend:

“…know if she is going to pick up? (pause) Hello? Hello? Diana? Hello are you there? (click)”

-end of voicemail-


“Hi Diana, it’s Mom. You never called me about those forms for your stocks. You need to do that before the end of the week. Don’t forget. You always wait until the last minute, that’s why you always end up making mistakes. Anyway. Just called to say hi. Are you traveling this weekend? If not, your aunt is having a birthday at the Seafood Palace on Sunday. Come at noon. It starts at one but you are always late. Make sure you leave LA with plenty of time to–”

-end of voicemail-


“Hi Di. It’s Mom. Your Daddy says hello. We read in the paper today that Bill Gates is no longer the world’s richest man. He is the man that makes computers, right? My friends and I were very impressed by him. My friend from meditation practice was always thinking he is very handsome. Why do you think he lost his fortune? He probably got very lazy and then lost a lot of money. That is so bad, to fail at business. His parents must be very disppoint–”

-end of voicemail-


“Anyway, Di, I’ll talk to you later. When you come down to visit, can you bring that movie you forgot to give me last time? Okay. And don’t forget to deal with those stocks today. Don’t wait. Like I told you before. Bye.”

-end of voicemail-

Source

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Who’s Kissing Whose Ass?

April 19th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Hard to say, really…

Bill Gates receives Honorary Doctorate
“Microsoft Corp. Chairman Bill Gates receives the Honorary Doctorate of Tsinghua University from Chinese academician Gu Binglin after delivering a speech to the students there Thursday, April 19, 2007.

He is also expected to deliver keynote speeches at a Microsoft forum for Asian government leaders to be held in Beijing and at the Boao Forum of Asia to be held in south China’s Hainan Province. “

Source

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