DISGRASIAN™

Ke$ha Is A Butterbutt

People say that Asian chicks have flat asses???

Um…





I mean, so do white female rappers, yo. Like, YO.

[The Superficial: Alright, Who Let Ke$ha in a Bikini?]
[Yahoo! Answers: Why do you think Asian women have flat butts?]

Source

Filed under: Anybody can be a star with Pro Tools, Bikinis, flat asses, flat butts, I'm Mean, Ke$ha, Ke$ha Bikini, People That Can't Sing, Pop Stars, Talentless White Girls, White Female Rappers

The Cold Head Truth

I wonder if ice forms jerking off to this ice-pop blowjob melting competition say things like, “Slow down, girl! You’re gonna give my cousin over there a cold rash! Goddamn, y’all are HOT. Oh! Holy shit! You’re so hot you’re killing ‘em! YOU’RE KILLING ED! STOP KILLING ED!!!!!”







[via GorillaMask]

Thanks, Pete!

Filed under: Bikinis, Blowjob Queens, Dubious Achievements, giving head, Japan, People Who Suck, Phallic References, Rashes, This Pretty Much Disgusts Me, Yes I Believe Ice Forms Create Communities and Talk and Watch YouTube, YouTube Gems

Shot Through The Heart/And You’re To Blame/Grace Park You Give Underboob A Good Name

I’M CONFUSED.

I hate Maxim, I hate butt-to-butt photos, I hate underboob “shirts.”

But goddamn, Grace Park on the cover of the new issue of Maxim makes all of that nonsense look good. I CAN’T HATE. I CAN’T HATE. (Did I just write that??!?)

[Just Jared: Grace Park & Tricia Helfer Cover Maxim Magazine]

Source

Filed under: Beautiful Ladies, Bikinis, Boobs, Butts, Grace Park, Hot Bodies, Maxim, Photographs Maxim, Smoking Hotness, Taking a Hating Break, Unholy Magazine Covers

The Dissolving Bikini: A Foolproof Revenge Plan!

A German company has invented a “Get Naked Bikini” that dissolves in water and is being marketed, according to Spike, as a “revenge” tool for “recently-dumped guys.”

Feminists in Germany are upset about it, with one saying, “It is an absolute insult to women that this has been invented.”

But, ladies. Let’s think this one through:

Girl dumps Boy.

Boy wants revenge.

Boy calls up Girl, says, “Can we talk?”

Girl goes over to Boy’s house.

Instead of talking, Boy proposes that he and Girl go for a swim/take a hot tub.

Girl agrees, because swimming/taking a hot tub with her ex is so much less awkward than talking.

Boy offers Girl a bikini.

Girl puts on the bikini, because there is nothing strange about her ex suddenly offering her a bikini.

Because Girl doesn’t care where that bikini might have been.

And Girl doesn’t care about donning a random bikini that might not fit or might not be flattering, because Girls aren’t obsessively particular about how they look in a bikini.

And Girl knows that thong bikinis, in particular, are not only for hot Brazilians, hot supermodels, or hot Brazilian supermodels.

And because it’s not a red flag for Girl to put on a bikini that was just laying around her ex’s house, as Boys always keep extra bikinis around their places, just like they keep tampons and Midol in their bathrooms.

Because Girl, who–let’s remember–dumped Boy, wants nothing more than to strut around in a bikini in front of her ex, a thong bikini no less, just like she wants nothing more than to blow him all night long.

Girl gets into pool/hot tub with Boy.

Girl’s borrowed bikini dissolves in the water.

Boy laughs–Oh, Sweet Revenge!

Girl, who, to wit, has already put on a random bikini her ex had laying around the house, pranced around in a thong that rode up her crack and that she never worried made her ass look fat, got into a pool/hot tub with Boy she dumped who has seen her naked a zillion times, suddenly becomes shy and Victorian and is abjectly humiliated.

Boy marvels at his ingenious plan.

The way I see it, if revenge-seeking misogynists are this dumbass, women really have nothing to worry about.

Check out how the dissolving bikini works here.

Source

Filed under: Bikinis, Dissolving Bikini, Dumb Misogynists, Feminists, Get Naked Bikini, Girls Against Boys Is a Great Band but a Shitty Social Concept, Really Smart People, Revenge

Not-Pregnant Fun On the Beach

Num num num

Duh, Tila. You’re supposed to lick carpet, not sand.

[via CelebSlam]

Source

Filed under: Bikinis, Embarrassing, Getting It Wrong, Licking Carpet, Paparazzi Whores, Sandy Cooch, Shameless Photo Ops, Tila Tequila, Tila Tequila Pregnant

Bikinis and Coffee: Best Pairing Since Bananas and Blow

Our friend Raymond sent over this local Fox News piece, broadcast live (no idea why) from one of Garden Grove, CA’s newest and hottest Vietnamese alternatives to Starbucks: Cafe Di Vang 2.

I know what y’all expect from me: an angry, shame-filled tirade. I know, I know… there’s so much innuendo in this news piece alone–Vietnamese ladies in “high heels and revealing outfits?” Providing “quality service?” Plenty scandalous. Probably pretty bad for the collective rep of my peeps. Hey, these comfort cafes are nothing new in Little Saigon. But whatever.

All I’ve got to say is wow, they can get dudes in these economic times to pay 6 bucks for a smoothie and $4 for a nonrefillable coffee? Dayum, these ladies must be doing something right. Whatever that something may be.

[MyFoxLA: The New Sexy Vietnamese Cafes]

Source
Thanks, Raymond!

Filed under: "Service", Asian Hooters, Bikinis, Coffee Houses, Economic Crisis, Fake Tits, Garden Grove, Hooters, Innuendo, Orange County, Same Ol' Same Ol', Theme Cafes, Weird Vietnamese-American Behavior

Jessica Alba Is Just Like Me

Jessica Alba thinks she’s one of us. In the latest issue of Elle magazine, she says:

“…there aren’t many other stars, besides Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez, who most people in the world can related to. We look like people of the world – I can kind of mix in with girls in Asia, South America, Europe.”

Okay. Let’s consider this for a second.

Like me, Jessica Alba played the violin:

Like me, Jessica Alba has thick, china doll-bangs:

And like me,* Jessica Alba has a bangin’ bikini bod:

I don’t know about you, but I feel pretty convinced.

Welcome to the tribe, Jessica Alba!

*Okay, this is not exactly true.

Source Source Source
Thanks, Jasmine and Eukadanz!

Filed under: Bangin' Bods, Bangs, Bikinis, Jessica Alba, One of Us One of Us One of Us, Racial Ambiguity, Racial Drag, Racial Transmogrification, Welcome to the Tribe

BABEWATCH: Thuy Nguyen

Name: Thuy Nguyen

Hails from: La La

Occupation: Co-founder of the blog organic, Green Grown and Sexy.

Why She’s A Babe: Yes, we’re biased because she rocks a most attractive surname. But bias aside, Nguyen’s a glamorously un-crunchy poster girl for the new green millenium: a pretty lady that recycles, kicks back sustainable liquor, would rather go naked than wear fur–but would still look great in a bikini.

Listen, we’re human! And we’re often swayed by a pretty face. With a spokesperson like her nudging at us to do so, we can almost imagine ourselves giving up Korean BBQ and frito pie. Almost.

Source Source Source Source

Filed under: Angelenos, Bikinis, Bloggers, Fur, Green Grown and Sexy, Nguyens Rule, Pretty Ladies, Thuy Nguyen, Vegetariasians

"I’m an Aries."

Do any of you remember Jamie Chung from The Real World: San Diego a few years back?

That ok, we barely remember her either. If you do, perhaps what you best recall is that on the most boring season of The Real World ever, there was once the most boring reality cast member ever, and that, my friends was zzZzzJamiezzZzZzz.

You’ll be glad to know that Jamie hasn’t given up her average pursuit for fame since her lackluster television “debut,” and is still mowing her way through the challenging world of swimsuit modeling (Jen said today, “well, I guess that makes sense”) and acting.

Rest assured that her sound bytes haven’t gotten any more interesting:

“I like to show skin so LA is a perfect place for me.”

“I think I’m single because I’m really busy.”

“I go on a lot of auditions.”

“I travel a lot.”

“I’m an Aries.”

…but her Photoshop-enhanced, bulbous rack sure has.

Never one to leave a snoozer in the fray, wonderbread network ABC Family, led by Paul “Not Like Bruce” Lee, has jumped to the rescue. He recently announced the net’s new series, Samurai Girl, which will star Chung in a fascinating femme fatale role:

“Samurai Girl,” based on the popular young adult novels, centers on 19-year-old Heaven (Jamie Chung), a Japanese girl who learns that her adoptive father is the head of the Yakuza and possibly had her brother murdered. She leaves her family to train in the ways of the samurai and to plot against her father’s evil empire with the help of her new American friends.

So funny, How often do you find yourself singing while walking around the house: “Oh, I get by with a little help from my American friends?”

Man alive! We do believe that retarded tingles we get while reading the Samurai Girl short treatment are the only things keeping us awake. If Jen and I can keep our eyes open until the show premieres, we’ll be maybe sure to possibly watch an episode or two.

Source
Source
Thanks, jRu!

Filed under: ABC Family, Bikinis, Boobs, Boring People, I Get High With A Little Help From My American Friends, Jamie Chung, Paul Lee, Uh... "Samurai Girl?", We Don't Care About Her Either, ZZzzzZzZzZZzzzz

Voter Registrasian

The hilarioso fellows at Reno 911 have partnered up with the rocking people of DeclareYourself.com to create a cache of tongue-in-cheek PSAs–challenging demographic groups notorious for low voter turnout (i.e. young people, Asian-Americans) NOT to vote.

Filed under: At Least There Are No Hooker Boots, Bikinis, Declare Yourself, Funny Stuff, Kung Fu, Low Voter Turnout, Not Voting Is Disgrasian, Reno 911, Reprzent