You are currently browsing posts tagged with Beyond Shame
Somebody, Please Teach Lohan The Look Of Shame
In my most shameful of moments, I once received a boot on my car.
Not my boot. Or my car. But you get the picture.And, okay, it wasn’t that long ago.
Fine, FINE. I deserved it. I’d racked up about five parking tickets in one month, and each little slip quickly got lost somewhere in my junk mail, or my trunk, or my purse–every one of them crispy with dried coffee stains and dirty from, ah, me stamping them with fury into the ground. Out of sight, out of my busy muthafuckin’ mind! I kinda assumed that the parking gods would just take care of it and I wouldn’t have to pony up $160 overdue bucks a pop.
Wrongo! They didn’t. So one day, I got the boot.
Now here’s the thing. I’m troublesome, but I never get in trouble–and certainly, not with the LAW. This was the worst moment of my life. I felt like a criminal. I didn’t know what to do or how to handle the situation. Was this going on my permanent record? Would I have to pay my fines or face jail? Do they flog you when they return to remove the boot? Why was it so ORANGE? Where was my lawyer? Was I a bad person now?
And my gosh, the large orange mark of shame somehow negated all of the coolness of my slick black car paint and rad Steelers license plate frame! ACK!
Most importantly: WOULD THE TERRIBLE PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE BOOT TELL MY PARENTS (who I haven’t lived with since age 17)?!??!
I called the number, my heart racing. The mean old lady on the phone told me come down to some super-secret government/law/prison/clerical (it all sounds the same to me) office, where I would meet my reckoning.
Immediately, I raced to my closet, trying to imagine the outfit that would best convey my a) intense, due shame b) willingness to turn my life around c) overall good citizenship and d) inability (okay, lack of desire) to pay the fines in full. After much deliberation, I landed on a modest, sensible, not-too-luxe getup that screamed “I’m a non-profit librarian and devoted disadvantaged youth volunteer!”
I showed up at the office–which turned out to be administrative, with no armed guards flanking the entrance. I took a number, walked up to the window, gave her a bunch of money. The (different) mean lady at the window informed me that the boot would soon be taken off, and I was all set–I would not be arrested or even given a talking-to by the police. Sure enough, twenty minutes later, the orange boot of shame was gone–like a whisper in the wind.
I can’t help but think that dressing the part, showing how ashamed I was for being bad, kinda stood for something. Sure, the responsible garb didn’t garner any discount from The Man that day, nor did it save me from a ritual beating (shockingly, people don’t get beaten over parking tickets–although maybe they should?), but it did tacitly express deep remorse for my wrongdoings when I walked into the building. That counts, somehow. At a certain point, we’ve got to just tuck our tail between our legs, bow our heads, and admit that we’ve done something wrong. We’re not loud and proud and wrong, we’re just wrong. That makes it, y’know, better.
Perhaps this is why, when I eyed Lindsay Lohan’s “look” for her court appearance last week (to discuss violation of her probation), I was taken aback.
Who appears before a judge looking like…
…a cracked out, greasy-haired…
…Atlantic City…
…gremlin?Moreover, a not sorry one?
Fortunately, for Lindsay, celebrities don’t have to be sorry. We’ll still keep “rooting for them” and extending their probation.
Filed under: Annoying Things Celebrities Do, Being Wrong, Beyond Shame, Grandmas, Gremlin Grip, Hardass Asian Parents, Law Breaking Doesn't Pay, Lindsay Lohan, Shameful Behavior, The Man, Ways to Not Look Sorry
Manny, This Sucks.
Dear Manny,
I want to believe that you started taking the women’s fertility drug H.C.G. because you had some harebrained idea that you could make a buck or two being the first pregnant man that is also a professional baseball player. Maybe you thought you could hit a few homers with Manny Jr. in your tum-tum. That’s actually very sweet.
But I don’t believe that. I believe that you’ve been trying to cover up your juicing. You are a cheater. You may be a good guy on the inside, but you’re a cheater all over.
It makes the Dodgers sad. It’s got my bestie Colin, the world’s biggest Doyers fan, practically in tears. The residents of Mannywood are left destitute. The Sports Guy and his kid may never recover. I don’t even want to know what Jen is thinking about how these actions reflect on her BoSox–and the two World Series you shared with them–right now.
Cheating hurts people, dude. If you aren’t already, you should be severely ashamed of yourself.
Cuz everyone else is ashamed of you.
Said sadly,
Diana
Source
So sorry, Colin…
Filed under: Asterisks, Beyond Shame, Boston Red Sox, Cheaters, Disappointing Everyone, Disappointment, Fertility Drugs, HCG, Hormones, Manny Ramirez, Pregnant Man, Sadness, Suspension, The Los Angeles Dodgers
Pang It, Another Ponzi Scheme!
Danny Pang (at his home in 1997)–the photo was so classic, we couldn’t resist
Remember when we said that stealing from your people is a crime beyond shame? We didn’t think that we’d be using our next breath to chastise one of our own peeps, financial manager Danny Pang of Irvine, CA, for allegedly defrauding investors–many from Taiwan and Orange County’s Yellow Belt–out of hundreds of millions of dollars using a life insurance ponzi scheme.
Look, we’re not even talking about the fact that Pang’s former business partner is suing for $50 million and adding loudly to the Ponzi scheme accusations. We don’t feel the need to mention that he apparently lied to investors about his C.V., saying he possessed degrees that didn’t exist. We’ll ignore the highly irrelevant fact that the 1997 murder of Pang’s ex-stripper wife remains unresolved, and that he has been portrayed in court “as a shady businessman and high-stakes gambler [with evidence of] …ties to Taiwanese mobsters.”
Because even though the S.E.C. has temporarily frozen assets managed by Pang, and officially accused him of Fraud, he may very well turn out to be innocent.
That said: if he doesn’t turn out to be innocent, boy, will we be tearing him a new one.
[SEC Complaint vs. Danny Pang's Private Equity Management Group]
[WSJ: SEC Charges Pang With Fraud (membership req.)]
[LAT: SEC Sues Irvine financier Danny Pang]
Source
Thanks, Dave!
Filed under: Accusasians, Bad Investments, Beyond Shame, Danny Pang, Lawsuits, Life Insurance, Orange County, Ponzi Schemes, Private Equity Management Group, Stealing From Your Own People, Taiwan
Lindsay, Hath Ye No Shame Left?
There’s a reason why most American actors and actresses, who typically act for film and television, only shoot commercial adverts for countries like Japan. Sure, the endorsements pay very well, but, let’s face it, commercials are a bit of a downgrade, and downgrading too much in your own market is eventually something an actor feels ashamed of.
Well, some people.
Some people have already shat themselves so many times in the American public eye–been chastised by film producers and kicked off of TV series and photographed looking like they were peeled off of a ceiling–that they have very little to lose. So they start doing American advertisements peddling, y’know, self-tanner, or leggings, or tacky and garish clothing lines:
Actually, watching this commercial again, I’ve decided that even Lindsay Lohan should be ashamed of this final product. That’s right. Even Lindsay Lohan.
Filed under: Bad Producing, Beyond Shame, Brad Pitt, Career Lows, Fornarina Ad, Japan, Leggings, Lindsay Lohan, Peddling for Companies, People Who Have No Shame, Weird Television Commercials
DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Bernie Madoff
Self-hating swindler Bernard Madoff pled guilty this week to 11 counts of fraud, money laundering, perjury and theft, and in his first statement since his $65 billion Ponzi scheme came to light in December, said, “I am actually grateful for this opportunity to publicly comment about my crimes, for which I am deeply sorry and ashamed.”
Uh, no, Bernie. In your case, shame is not gonna cut it. Stealing from friends and family, from charities, from Holocaust survivors and foundations, from your own people, these are crimes that go beyond shame.
We’re just glad that Hardass Asian Judge Denny Chin presided over your hearing and revoked your $10 million bail so that you can FINALLY FINALLY ABOUT FUCKING TIMEDLY start rotting in jail.
Filed under: Bernard Madoff, Bernie Madoff, Beyond Shame, Disgrews, Faux Shame, Ponzi Schemes, Self-Haters, Self-Hatred, Stealing From Your Own People
