You are currently browsing posts tagged with Beyonce Knowles
Sick of “Single Ladies” videos? Or were you already sick of them a year ago like me? Well, there’s one last “Single Ladies” tribute you have to watch. Just because this is probably the only one you’ll see where somebody gets their soul crushed as they Put a Ring on It.
Oh, the parental shutdown! Oh, the killing of dreams!
[via Hyphen magazine]
Filed under: Beyonce, Beyonce Knowles, Dream Killers, Hardass Parenting, Hardass Parents of All Colors, Rock of Asian, Shutdowns, Single Ladies, Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It), Single Ladies Videos, Soul Crushing
L’Oréal, the world’s largest beauty and cosmetic company, was found guilty of racial discrimination in France’s highest court this week for seeking to hire an all-white sales team to represent its Garnier Fructis Style line of hair care products.
The London Times reported that L’Oréal gave verbal instructions to the recruitment agency it employed to hire people who were BBR–“bleu, blanc, rouge”–the colors of the French flag, which is “widely recognised in the French recruitment world as a code for white French people born to white French parents.”
Although 38.7 percent of the pool of candidates were either black, Arab, or Asian, only 4.65 percent of the Garnier hires were non-white.
Because “you’re worth it”–as L’Oréal’s famous ad slogan goes–so long as you’re not brown.
Kim Kardashian’s new hair hue must be camo or something, cuz we can’t seem to spot her in the crowd anymore:
When I was at Yale, Mixed Company had the reputation of being the “funny singing group.” You know, as opposed to the “hot singing group” (that would have been the Baker’s Dozen, or the “BD’s” for men, and Something Extra, aka “Sextra,” for women) or the “serious singing group” (Red Hot + Blue) or the “angry feminist group” (The New Blue, to which I belonged).
But that was a long-ass time ago, kiddies. And my-oh-my how things have changed, as evidenced by Mixed Company’s current YouTube parody of Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies”:
Does the world really need another “Single Ladies” spoof? Or, for that matter, more pedestrian rice jokes? Don’t get me wrong, we rove a good lice joke. And of coulse we rove it rong time. We just don’t rove these ones.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go make the rice and make it nice, and then shoot myself in the face for actually having to sit through that.
Thanks to all who sent this one in, you know who you are, damn you.
It must be pretty hard to share the stage with Beyoncé and get noticed. This explains why, when you do see her performing with another artist, it’s usually with someone legendary, like Prince or Tina Turner. We can only imagine what her little sister Solange has to go through as “the other singer” in the family, and every time we see her pictured next to big sis, shrinking in B’s unearthly glow, we have this little sisterly urge to send her cookies and teddy bears.
But that’s exactly what happened during last week’s SNL, while we were watching Beyoncé work the cleavage and the legs up to here, the booty and the wind in her hair (midway through the first song, someone actually cued what seemed to be an industrial fan). That’s when we spied with our little eye a really hot Asian chick with cute bangs bangin’ on the keys. Her name is Rie Tsuji, and she hails from Saga, Japan, and she’s one of the two keyboardists in Beyoncé’s all-girl band, Suga Mama. Oh, also…bitch can play.
Here’s Rie during The Beyoncé Experience tour in 2007, busting with a solo:
Rie and the rest of the band will be touring in 2009 for Beyoncé’s most recent album, the crazazily-titled but undeniably catchy I Am… Sasha Fierce.
In what has become a grand tradition of trying to make immodest musical performers (like Gwen and Beyonce) bow down in fully-clothed, booty-not-shakin’ fashion, the Islamic opposition party of Malaysia has turned its efforts towards banning an Avril Lavigne performance set for August 29 in Kuala Lumpur.
“‘It is considered too sexy for us. … It’s not good for viewers in Malaysia,’ party official Kamarulzaman Mohamed said. ‘We don’t want our people, our teenagers, influenced by their performance. We want clean artists, artists that are good role models.’ Kamarulzaman sent protest letters to the Culture, Arts and Heritage Ministry and Kuala Lumpur’s mayor last week, calling for the concert to be canceled.”
We’ve banned Ms. Lavigne–from, well, our lives, basically–for a number of reasons:
1) Her Mandarin sucks
2) Too short
3) Diana hates poseurs more than hippies (which is saying something)
4) Homegirl is probably a plagiarist
5) “Skater” is not spelled, “sk8ter” in our book, which is the only book we care about
6) She’s really, super, creepily short
7) Stupid eyeliner
8) Dear God is she little
Anyway, NONE OF THESE ITEMS involve her being too sexy.
We just. Don’t. See it. We just don’t.
Filed under: Avril Lavigne, Avril Lavigne Malaysia, Beyonce Knowles, Gwen Stefani, Huh?, Midgets, Muslasians Hate Avril, She's Too Sexy For Her Kohl Eyeliner and Clothing Line?, Weird Malaysian Behavior
the young lassie offshoot of Beyonce’s House of Deréon clothing line
LITTLE BLONDE GIRL: Pay attention to me!
LITTLE GIRL WITH RED HAT: Hell to the naw. Nobody likes you.
[Little blonde girl runs off, crying]
LITTLE CURLY-HAIRED GIRL: I think I’m the star! I look just like Big B!
LITTLE GIRL WITH FEATHER BOA: Girl, Miss Beyonce told you never to call her “Big B” again!!! She hates it when anyone calls her big. Don’t call her “Cankles,” either. Or “Thunder.”
LITTLE GIRL WITH RED HAT: I call her “B for Beautiful.” That’s why she’s going to make me the star of this ad campaign.
LITTLE CURLY-HAIRED GIRL: I thought I was the star! I look just like her!
LITTLE GIRL WITH FEATHER BOA: Woo ha! You’d look just like her if you wore a mini skirt and ankle boots, even when your legs would call that an inadvisable choice.
LITTLE CURLY-HAIRED GIRL: But I play piano. I have real musical talent.
LITTLE GIRL WITH RED HAT: B doesn’t play piano.
LITTLE CURLY-HAIRED GIRL: Oh.
LITTLE GIRL WITH FEATHER BOA: Yowza, girl! I wouldn’t be talkin’! You’re starrin’ in this here campaign looking like you’re rocking some of Jessica Simpson’s discarded cowgirl boots.
LITTLE GIRL WITH RED HAT: Hmph. They are a little a big.
LITTLE CURLY-HAIRED GIRL: They’re a little wretched, too.
LITTLE GIRL WITH RED HAT: You’re just jealous!
LITTLE CURLY-HAIRED GIRL: No I’m not! Has your mommy even seen you in your line-dancing, ghetto-fabulous digs? I guarantee she’ll think you’re crazy.
LITTLE GIRL WITH FEATHER BOA: Or a hoooooligan!
LITTLE GIRL WITH RED HAT: [to Little Girl With Feather Boa] …Oh! So says the reincarnation of Rick James? Are you supposed to be little Blondie’s pimp or something?
LITTLE CURLY-HAIRED GIRL: I want a pimp!
LITTLE GIRL WITH FEATHER BOA: Girls, I think we all already have one.
LITTLE BLONDE GIRL: [from the corner of the room] Somebody should just take some pictures.
Recently, while shooting a music video at the Great Wall, C-pop singer CoCo Lee wore the same one-of-a-kind, $200,000, crystal-encrusted divabot dress that Beyoncé worked at the BET Awards in June. CoCo reportedly said that she didn’t mind wearing Beyoncé’s hand-me-downs. Not sure if I believe that.
Beyonce has canceled her November 1 concert in Kuala Lumpur after Muslasian protesters demanded that Miz Bootylicious tone down her clothes and ass-shakin’ to something more “family-friendly.”
As much as we love our Malaysian brethren, DISGRASIAN does not support religious fanaticism or censorship. We are firm believers in free expression, no exceptions.
It has just been brought to our attention by DISGRASIAN’s snotty intern Nicolai that we have, in fact, made one exception to that rule already.
Tyra: Woo-woo! Raise the roof! Who’s playing again? Where am I?
Beyonce: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. I don’t know why I’m laughing. I smile a lot.
Kimora: I INVENTED the hooker shoe. Bitch wouldn’t even have a “career” without me. Hello? I’m still barely married to Russell Simmons, godfather of hip-hop. And you are…Bouncesay? Byronjay?
Tyra: Guys, don’t fight. This is not very female empowerment of us. We need to support each other like my bra supports my jugs. ‘Kay?
Kimora: Bitch, you betta stop laughing. Don’t make me get all Single White Female on you and stab you in the eye with a hooker boot.
Beyonce: Hehehehehehehehe. I laughed so hard I just peed my pants.
Kimora: That’s it. (sound of boots being unzipped)
Tyra: Kimora Lee, can’t you work this out on my show? It’ll be just like when Naomi and I put aside our differences. Girl power! Raise the roof!
Kimora: Tyra, sweetie, how do I tell you this in a nice way? Naomi looked fierce on your show and you looked like poo. Come here Bayanshee! Mama’s got a little present for you.
Beyonce: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
Jay-Z: Womenfolk. Shee-it.
Beyonce landed in Tokyo this week to promote god knows what.