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Will Somebody Shoot Tila Tequila?

October 9th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

I’m sure you’ve all set your TiVos to record the premiere of MTV’s next super-hit show A Shot of Love With Tila Tequila tonight.

Anyway, I sure have–I’ve been waiting with mind-frazzling anticipation for weeks! I can’t believe she’s going to reveal the big SECRET! That she’s BISEXUAL! And will make out with GIRLS and then GUYS and then GIRLS and then GUYS and then get NAKED and then GO IN THE HOT TUB and then rub her wet butt on the GUYS and then rub her soggy fake tits on some GIRLS and then…

OH MY GOD! Why oh why isn’t it airing NOW!? It’s eating me up inside.

Fortunately for me (and you), Tila’s “people” have bestowed us with the wonderful gift of cross-promotion, and this beautiful rrrreal young woman has also released a groundbreaking new music single that will blowyafuckinmind!

Check it out, it’s a gift for your ears AND your mind:

Tila Tequila – “Stripper Friends”

I know, I know, I know what you’re saying: Whosit? Whatsit? By title alone it sounds like, so existential that you can’t even begin to deal with it. Thank God you have a friend with an Ivy League degree or two to help you get through the dense messaging. Totally. I feel you.

She’s our generation’s pioneer. Like Darwin and Magellan and all the greats, she’s breaking new ground for played Asian midget girls with circus boobs, fuckability, and a low bar. Since we can’t give her an award, I guess we’ll all just have to watch her show–or “friend” her on MySpace.

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Thanks, jRu!

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Tila Gone Wild

September 7th, 2007 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Idolator reports that boob squoosher MySpace Friend Whore Hater-Hater sublebrity Tila Tequila will be starring in her own reality show.

In her own words, from her own AssSpace MySpace:

My new reality show on MTV will be like NO OTHER SHOW ON TELEVISION HISTORY! My show is about finding true love, because for me….having over 2 million friends is cool but sometimes it makes it hard for me to find someone real, and someone whom I can trust and love…..but there is a catch…..the show will be about me finding love as a BISEXUAL!!!!! THAT IS CRAZY RIGHT? So on my new reality show there will be 16 male contestants and 16 female contestants all fighting for my love….the only twist is….yes, there is another twist….the only twist is that these guys and these girls have NO IDEA that I am bisexual and that they are competing against each others sexes!!! GUYS AGAINST GIRLS….WHO WILL I END UP HOOKING UP WITH????? WILL I BE STRAIGHT OR LESBIAN IN THE END?????

Oh my god.

Groundbreaking.

Time to go brush my TEETH… WITH TOOTHPASTE!!! And then I’m going to PICK AT A BLEMISH.. THAT’S BOTHERING ME! And then I’m going to look at the floor.

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