DISGRASIAN™

DOUBLE DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Alicia Machado & Paulina Rubio

If Alicia Machado, actress/singer and former Miss Universe, hadn’t quit Twitter, perhaps she would’ve continued to chat with her pal, Mexican singer/actress Paulina Rubio, about the recent public outcry against her prayers for The Chinas. We imagine it might have gone something like…

YoSoyMzUniverse96* Alicia Machado
Me encanta @paurubio, thx 4 ur support w/ all the china drrama! ppl r stoopid

paurubio Paulina Rubio
@yosoymzuniverse96 Hay girl! Dont let haterz hate. All thoz Japanes look the same!

YoSoyMzUniverse96 Alicia Machado
@paurubio wut ppl dont understand is i’m really a good person, jus wanted every1 to pray for those chinese ppl that are being attacked, not the 1s who attacked or nuthing

paurubio Paulina Rubio
@yosoymzuniverse96 besos chica! ppl should be proud that such a hot mama knows so much abt current news affairs. n korea is same place as n asia/s japan, etc. all look same N E wayz Continue reading DOUBLE DISGWITTER OF THE WEAK! Alicia Machado & Paulina Rubio

Filed under: Alicia Machado, Beauty Queens, Celebrity twiter, Confusion, North Korea, Paulina Rubio, Really Dumb People, South Korea, The Chinas, The Japanese, Twitter, We All Look Alike, WTF?

AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Kimberly Motley, Kabul’s Most Respected Lawyer

Name: Kimberly Motley

Age: 35

Occupation: Lawyer, mom, former beauty queen

Known for: Helping foreigners sitting in Afghan jails. The Daily Beast‘s Elise Jordan just profiled the daughter of an American dad and South Korean mom, mother of three and 2004 Miss Wisconsin, who is currently a registered attorney with the American, British, Italian, Norwegian, German, and Canadian Embassies and recently negotiated the release of high-profile Brit detainee Bill Shaw. Motley wears neither a dress, veil nor headscarf in trial and is, according to Jordan, “one of the most respected lawyers in Kabul.”

From TDB:

Motley, who was crowned Mrs. Wisconsin in 2004, grew up in Milwaukee and earned her law degree at Marquette University. She had never traveled outside the U.S. before she began working to rebuild Afghanistan’s legal system in 2008 as a part of the State Department’s Justice Sector Program. Traveling around the countryside—visiting women’s prisons, juvenile detention centers, and some of Afghanistan’s roughest and toughest jails—she found that “not only were due process violations being ignored for virtually all of the accused persons, but there were quite a few foreigners trapped within the legal and prison system,” she says.

Continue reading AMAZIAN OF THE WEEK! Kimberly Motley, Kabul’s Most Respected Lawyer

Filed under: Afghan Jails, Afghanistan, Attorney General, Awesome Ladies, Balls of Steel, Beautiful Ladies, Beauty Queens, Bill Shaw, Blasians, Bribery, Death Row, Foreign Lawyer In Kabul, Foreigners, Fraud, International Law, Jails, Justice System, Kabul, Kim Motley, Kimberly Motley, Languishing, Lawyers, Locked up abroad, Miss Wisconsin 2004, Moms, Morality, Negotiating, Prisons, Release, Security, The Daily Beast, Threats, Westerners, Women

BABEWATCH: Haruna Ai

Name: Haruna Ai

Age: 37

Hails from: Japan

Why She’s A Babe: Over the weekend, the lovely Miss Haruna Ai was crowned winner at the famed transsexual Miss International Queen 2009 pageant in Thailand.

As if those pretty eyes, the perfect skin, that hourglass shape and supple lips weren’t enough, it seems pretty clear that the newly-crowned Miss International Queen is also quite lovely on the inside:

“I want contests like this to show everyone that they should love each other and live freely,” she told reporters after the win.

We hope for the same. Also, homegirl is glowing like a teen at 37–an inspirasian to us all. Go, sister!!!

[AFP: Transsexual Miss World Contest Aims To Boost Awareness]

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Filed under: Awesomeness, Beautiful Ladies, Beauty Pageants, Beauty Queens, Everybody Loves a Winner, Haruna Ai, Japan, Miss International Queen 2009, Our Thirties Look GOOD, Thailand, Transsexuals

Miss USA’s National Costume–Also a Disgrace?

The Miss Universe pageant will air August 23 on NBC, but competition is already underway. You may recall the recent mishegas surrounding Miss Japan’s national costume, which has been toned down after it was widely-criticized as a “disgrace”–no pink crotch-mound will be exposed during the show after all–but get a load of Miss USA’s outfit:

This is a beauty pageant, right? Where did that chick’s face go? And this is how we’re representing America in the Obama-era? With car-racing and camel-toe?

[via BuzzFeed]

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Filed under: Beauty Pageants, Beauty Queens, Camel Toe, Car Racing, Crotch, Crotch Mounds, Miss Universe, Miss Universe Japan, Miss Universe USA, Miss USA, National Costumes

Confucius Say: Panama Should Be Worry

¿Quién supo?

Philosophizing in both Japanese and Chinese during the 6th Century would confuse us, too.

[via Dlisted]
[Jezebel: "Such As" Is A Global Phenomenon]

Filed under: Bad Answers, Beauty Queens, Confucius, Confucius Say, Confusion, Miss Panama, Pageants Are a Joke, Race Mixing is Cool, Really Dumb People, The Growing Irrelevance of Beauty Queens, YouTube Gems

Shit, She Won’t Date One of Us?

It’s like some kind of trend: ugly, dumb chicks finding it hard to imagine themselves dating outside of their race! First Bad Girls, now aged beauty queens! Who’s next? Plastic surgery victims? Sorority rejects?

I mean, is it wrong that I’m kinda glad? I don’t want this face-bloat mixing all up in my gene pool!

Source Source Source
Thanks, Jasmine!

Filed under: Beauty Queens, Bloat Face, Faded Misses, Gene Pools, Interracial Dating, Looking Aged, Nicole Johnson, Oh Well, Phew, Republicans

Study Up, Miss World

OH NO!

It looks like the Hardass Asian Officials of my homeland have dethroned their lovely Miss Vietnam, 18-year-old Tran Thi Thuy Dung (pictured right), following government investigators’ discovery that she did not complete high school. Tran was taken out of school by her mother earlier this year, in order to prepare for a high-school equivalency qualification to improve her odds of studying in the U.S.

Currently, no suitable replacement has been found. The Wall Street Journal reports:

Shocked, Ministry of Culture officials stripped 18-year-old Tran Thi Thuy Dung of her most coveted prize — the right to represent Vietnam at this month’s Miss World contest in Johannesburg. Government officials in Hanoi are now trying to find a suitable candidate to send to South Africa. So far, they’ve drawn a blank.

Uh, whoops. I hate to butt in on this one or whatever, but, ah, I’m not convinced that a high school diploma is really all that important for a beauty contestant. I mean, really.

Just sayin’… My advice is to bag the search for the replacement and get this dummy back up on that catwalk! Let’s win it in Johannesburg for the motha country!!!

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Filed under: Beauty Queens, Bummers, Diplomas, Hardass Asian Officials, High School, Miss Vietnam, Miss World, Public Shame, Tran Thi Thuy Dung, Vietnam, Why Go to School for the Bathing Suit Portion?

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

Happy 24th birthday to Nadine Chandrawinata, former Miss Indonesia Universe! We’re not really sure what happens to retired beauty queens after all the competitions become memories, but we’re sure it involves lots of face cream and softly lit mirrors.

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Filed under: Beauty Queens, Birthdays, Miss Indonesia, Miss Universe, Nadine Chandrawinata, Race Mixing is Cool, Savoring Your Early Twenties, Soft Lighting

BIRTHDAY CELEBRASIAN!

Happy 34th Birthday, Aishwarya Rai. Many have called you The Most Beautiful Woman In the World for over a decade. And yeah, you totally are. Girl, what kind of moisturizer do you use?

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Filed under: Aishwarya Rai, Beauty Queens, Birthdays, People of Supernatural Beauty

THE INSANITY BAROMETER

This week, Vanessa Minnillo, formerly of MTV’s TRL, debuted a new line of cosmetics called Flirt. Here she is at the launch party:

Wowzers. Not only has the Insanity Barometer gone up, up, up, it’s shattered into a million pieces, and I’m eating broken glass off of the floor. As I snack on this dee-licious lunch, I thought I would write Va-mess-a a letter.

Dear Va-mess-a,

I am writing today out of concern for your mental health. Forgive me for being forward, but what the hell is wrong with you? I guess I should be happy that, in the above photos, no one’s holding a knife to your throat. Are you experiencing problems in your home life? We at DISGRASIAN are well-aware of how your boy Nick can render a girl batshit-crazy.

We also know of your, um, proclivity for crazyfaces.

I have a theory about why you seem to always take wack pictures. Stop me if you think I’m overthinking this. As a former beauty queen, who had to, no doubt, endure the humiliasian of taping your butt cheeks and putting Vaseline on your teeth to maintain that creepy pageant-smile, perhaps you’re finished with impressing other people with your looks. I respect that. You’re done with the Beauty Myth, the Feminine Mystique, and yada yada, and have moved on to posing with crazyfaces, because you want the world to see the REAL YOU and appreciate you for your mind, your critical faculties, your intelligence–

Wait a second. You’re Vanessa Minnillo. I am overthinking this.

On second thought, you’re nuts.

all the best,
Jen

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Filed under: Beauty Queens, Crazyfaces, Messes, Vanessa Minnillo