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Good For You, Guy: Bruce Chen “Not Offended At All” By Teammate Giving The Chink-Eye

June 11th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

So, Saturday night during a game between the Kansas City Royals and the Pittsburgh Pirates, this happened

Bruce Chen, who was being interviewed by FOX at the bottom of the 4th, is Panamanian of Chinese descent and a pitcher for the Royals. Humberto Quintero, who was giving the chink-eye, is Venezuelan and catcher for the team. Chen commented on the incident later when he saw the video and didn’t seem bothered by it:

“I’m not offended at all,” Chen insisted. “I’m proud of my heritage and being Asian. I really like the way my eyes look. It makes me look sexy. It’s just joking around. I’m definitely not offended, and I hope other people don’t get offended.

“I don’t think, by any means, was he trying to put my race down. He was doing it to me, and I like the way my eyes look.”

I get that Chen’s a pitcher and Quintero his catcher, and they have a close relationship that lends itself to them giving one another shit of this sort, like, all the time. But when Continue reading Good For You, Guy: Bruce Chen “Not Offended At All” By Teammate Giving The Chink-Eye

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How To Make Friends With Asians, Part 1 Of (Hopefully) An Ongoing Educational Series

April 10th, 2012 | 3 comments | Posted by Jen

Like us. Love us. After an appropriate amount of time spent getting to know us, hug us, even. (Gingerly though…not too much…one second, one and a half, OMG this is so uncomfortable…okay, that’s enough.)

But please–and by “please” I really mean, for fuck’s sake–don’t show us you care by loving us long time.

If the Asian? Latino? dude in this pic did not exist, it would be necessary to photoshop him

[Big League Stew: Yu Darvish recovers after shaky start for Rangers]

Thanks, Dean!

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Dude Drops Kid Going For A Foul Ball, Wife Murders Him With Her Eyes

September 27th, 2011 | 7 comments | Posted by Jen

Of late, I’ve been watching the Red Sox implode spectacularly, so baseball has been a very, very sad affair around my house. That’s why this video makes me very, very happy:

You can tell by reading her lips she said, “How are you going to drop our child on her head and not catch that foul ball? Trifling motherfucker.”

[via BuzzFeed]

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In Spite Of Everything, Baseball Season Begins In Japan

April 12th, 2011 | 2 comments | Posted by Jen

One month and a day after an earthquake and tsunami devastated northeastern Japan, and even as the nuclear threat level at the Fukushima Daiichi plant was raised to the highest level, baseball season got underway in the beleaguered country Tuesday.

Chiba fans observe a moment of silence before Tuesday's season opener

While one team, the Tohoku Rakuten Golden Eagles, who are based in hard-hit Sendai, won’t return to their home stadium until the end of this month, and teams shift games to daytime and try to drum up enough diesel generators for later in the season to minimize the use of electricity, Nippon Professional Baseball is carrying on for the fans and the country. The AFP reports:

“At a time of national crisis, the role that sports can play is far from small,” the mass-circulation newspaper Yomiuri Shimbun said in an editorial, recalling the terror attacks in the United States of September 11, 2001.

US major leagues resumed play six days after the tragedy, with New York Mets Continue reading In Spite Of Everything, Baseball Season Begins In Japan

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Is Pete Rose A Puffy Lover?

November 12th, 2009 | 4 comments | Posted by Diana

There are probably lots of fun things to say about Pete Rose’s Playboy-bound lady friend, who has–without so much as divulging her name–managed to garner press simply by being a boobtastic, young, Asian lady on Ol’ Rose’s arm.

Pete Rose and his boobalicious girlfriend

Pete Rose and his boobalicious girlfriend

Hell, the Hit King has already done most of the work for us. Here’s what he said during a radio interview on Houston’s KGOW (via Sports Radio Interviews):

“You know, my girl’s a real educated girl – she graduated from Arizona State. She had a very prestigious job several years ago when she was a flight attendant for Korean Airlines, which is really a big deal in Korea, and she’s Korean. And let’s just hope that the Playboy people like her, and if they don’t, that’s okay too. We’ll just turn the page and thank them for the opportunity.”

[Insert thousands of jokes here]

But to be perfectly honest with you… really, really, really all I can think about are those crazy awesome torpedos busting out of her shirt in the above picture. They keep tossing my head back into the surf of an Internet ocean filled with nonsense. That sea includes, a site that celebrates–um– “puffies,” as in–er– “puffy nipples.”

Continue reading Is Pete Rose A Puffy Lover?

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Just A Slice

August 13th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Unlike all-star Jen, I stunk at baseball-related activity as a kid. I even blew chunks when it came to T-ball, where my only responsibilities were to whack a sphere off a still podium (straight to the pitcher… if not the catcher), and make occasional motions towards lone grounders that happened to make their miserable way to the out-out-outfield where I spent my time picking dandelions and daydreaming about slugger Garrett Hawkins.

I hated playing ball. If, like me, you had the coordination of a zygote and the attention span of a goldfish, it was boring as sin. And even though I spent my evenings cheering on my older sisters, who all consistently made all-stars and pitched nail-biters while I clutched my “lucky” George Brett mini-bat, I really didn’t understand shit about the game. ZzZZZzzzZzzz.

As an adult I’m finally beginning to understand the beautiful nuances of America’s pastime, which is far more than just a game; instead, an ongoing, arduous test of focus and human steel. But that wouldn’t have made me any more interested as a tot.

If only the game had been a simpler one, with a rock solid result from every swing. Something I could’ve wrapped my tiny little head around. A game I could’ve seen and understood without so much as thinking. Something like…

Dude, I could have KILLED at Samurai T-ball. Absolutely KILLED.

Thanks, Chris!

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May 4th, 2009 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Name: Seibu Dome

Location: Saitama, Japan

Occupation: Home to the Seibu Lions, a professional baseball team in Japan

Known for: Its exquisite toilets. Daisuke Matsuzaka pitched eight years for the Seibu Lions, and when he signed with the Red Sox in 2007, Boston had to fork over $51 mil to the Saitama-based team (another $52 mil went to Dice-K, putting the total cost of acquiring the Japanese pitcher at $103 million). Because Seibu Dome, the Lions’ ballpark, was considered “the worst stadium in Japan,” the organization decided to spend the money earned from that deal on major upgrades to the stadium, which included, most remarkably, installing top-of-the-line TOTO toilets in its restrooms. Each stall in its women’s rooms boasts a $1,500 TOTO Washlet (whose marketing slogan is “Clean is Happy”), which is a toilet and bidet-in-one with a built-in seat warmer. Now, you might think it strange that we named a ballpark AOTW, but if you’ve ever sat on one of these babies (pictured below), and if you’ve spent any time at all in other ballpark bathrooms, you bet your warm, clean ass you’d know why.

[NY Times: Seibu Lions’ Porcelain and Plastic Memorial to Matsuzaka: Plush Bathrooms]


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SPORTS ILLUSTRASIAN: Sarah Palin, Mrs. October

October 7th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

As if I needed one more reason to loathe Sarah Palin, here’s another: she likened the Republican presidential ticket to the Tampa Bay Rays today in Jacksonville, FL, saying in her distinctive Alaskanasal, “The people in this area know a little something about turning an underdog into a victor, and we’re counting on you to help us do that November 4.”

(The Rays–who dropped the “Devil” from their name this year–had their first winning season in their eleven-year history in ’08 and are moving on to the American League Championship Series to face my Sox, last year’s World Series champs.)

But, you know, sports allegiances aside, Palin may have a point. Tampa Bay has the second-lowest payroll in Major League Baseball, and the other teams remaining in the playoffs have spent two to three times the money that they have. And they’ve only ever finished out of last place twice in team history. So they are underdogs. And, like Palin, the Rays are young, as a franchise and in terms of the average age of their starting line-up.

Although I wonder if Palin would be so quick to compare her ticket and its supporters to the Tampa Bay Rays and their fans if someone had actually briefed her on the fact that THE RAYS HAVE THE SHITTIEST FANS IN BASEBALL. Last month, when Tampa Bay held the best record in the bigs, their fans turned out in record-low numbers. Typically, there are as many fans rooting for the opposing team at Tropicana Field as there are fans root-root-rooting for the home team. And that’s when there are fans attending at all; the Rays rank a dismal 26th among 30 teams in fan attendance, averaging crowds of 21,459 in a 36,048-seat stadium. As a point of comparison, the Red Sox have sold out every home game since 2003 and Fenway is already sold out for next season.

So, if this is the kind of support Palin is “counting on” to make her and McCain “victors” in November, all I can say is, Bless her stupid heart.

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Another One Bites The Celebri-dust

September 18th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Says the monkey: “Isn’t the peace sign something that anorexic-looking actresses flash for the paparazzi cameras just before they realize they no longer have careers? Jesus H., it’s like I’m trapped in some kind of fucking celebutard peace sign epidemic or something! Here a peace sign, there a peace sign, everywhere a peace sign. Peace, peace, peace everywhere I turn–so why does it feel like my insides are at WAR? I wager it’s because skeletor chick next to me has awful ashtray breath and refuses to wear blush and it makes my sex organs want to both shrivel up and implode at the same time. UGH. God, I wish I was alive so I could hitchike the hell outta here. Hideki Matsui, save meeeeeeeeeee!”


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July 23rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

I went to see the Red Sox play the so-called Los Angeles Angels Sunday, when the Sox got swept cuz they’ve been sucking on the road and they have no middle relief. But I was sitting two rows behind their dugout (thanks to my friend Jess) so fuck if I cared. I got to stare at Jacoby Ellsbury’s ass for three hours. At the end of my row, there was a guy about my dad’s age wearing these really dope baseball oxfords (pictured). They were broken-in perfectly, and they looked just like a baseball you’ve been tossing around in the backyard for a couple years. Scuffed and a little grey. I hate talking to strangers, but I told him on my way to the loo, “Nice shoes.”

I coveted those shoes, even though they’re kinda dude-ish. And I was curious about their provenance. Yesterday, I discovered after much googling that they’re made by Børn footwear. That was when I got a good look at their soles for the first time.


#27 on the long list of Things That Make My Blood Run Cold: Shoes with Sneaker Soles. Let me be clear–I have no problem with sneakers. I love sneakers, especially on men (although I have a slight allergy to Pumas, which are too Aging Hipster for my taste). When I see a man in a pair of Chucks, or New Balance, or Stan Smiths, or Dunks even, I think, Good. Not trying too hard. I’ve never understood the mutant “shoe-ker,” however. It’s creepy on the order of magnitude of the Easy Spirit “Looks Like a Pump, Feels like a Sneaker” commercial where women were playing basketball in heels. The shoe-ker makes my skin crawl. It’s fug. It’s sloppy. It’s just so…wrong.

The concept behind a shoe-ker is that you can dress up but still stay comfy. Bullshit. Fashion is not about comfort. Sometimes it is about ease, a whole different animal, but comfort? Negative. Comfort is for the home, where you are allowed to do other unsociable things like pick your nose, not wash your hair, and adjust your balls.

Which leads me to the most important point about the shoe-ker and why it has no place out in the world: YOU DON’T GET LAID WEARING THIS SHOE.


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June 12th, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy 34th birthday to to Hideki Matsui, oh ye of the golden glove and bat! This is your first year as a married man and your last year in the lovely “early thirties”… live it up!


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April 3rd, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Diana

Happy 32nd birthday to Japan’s Koji Uehara, starting pitcher of the Yomiuri Giants! Since you aren’t in America competing with Jen’s team, the Red Sox, we wish you nothing but the best.


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