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The Only Thing Asians Love More Than A Good Education Is A Bargain

November 9th, 2010 | 6 comments | Posted by Diana

An advisory warning for our younger readers…

If you’ve got Hardass Asian Parents, keep them away from this article:

Why? Because it makes the case that your guardians’ two great loves–a good school and a saved buck–can live in perfect harmony. There’s a reason why Mom has us Xerox the guide to winning scholarships at the library (she sure as heck won’t let you order it on Amazon), why Dad buys us a dozen extra math workbooks but no new school clothes, why they won’t pony up $70 bucks for prom tickets but somehow find a way to shell out a grand on science camp.

They’re cheapasses. Smart cheapasses. Smart cheapasses that only care about one thing–that we get into a good school and become wildly successful so they can brag about us at parties to their friends (although, if one becomes too wildly successful, and tries to share some rewards with Mom and Dad via a salon cut ‘n’ color or nice appliances to replace their shitty/old/patched-up appliances or an expensive bottle of wine at a nice dinner or a weekly cleaning lady to save their aching backs, they’ll call out their wildly sucessful progeny for being wasteful, arrogant, condescending and ungrateful. Just something to keep in mind).

If your Cheapass Asian Parents get a peek at this article, you may find yourself milling around upstate New York with a major in naval architecture at the Webb Institute, simply because your mom found out you could go there for free. Never you mind that fantasy you’ve always had of studying “Comparisons between Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales and 1970s Blaxploitation horror films” at the NYU Gallatin School of Individualized Study.

Seriously. Forget it.

[CNN Money: 12 Great Bargain Colleges]

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You Want Space? Well, Space Costs. And Right Here Is Where You Start Paying.

July 31st, 2008 | 0 comments | Posted by Jen

Dear Dad,

Great news!! Our lifelong dream of me going to space is quickly becoming a reality. This week, Richard Branson unveiled the White Knight Two, the launch vehicle for my sweet space ride. Isn’t it beautiful? Oh, right. You don’t really care how it looks (so long as it’s inexpensive, efficient, and built to last a lifetime). Well, trust me, Dad, it’s gorgeous!

Even though my launch isn’t for another 18 months, I’m already shopping for space suits. I don’t actually need one for my maiden intergalactic voyage, but I’ve always wanted one (I know, I know–so wasteful). But don’t worry–I’m looking on eBay and Craigslist because you and Mom always taught me that paying full-price is for white people!

So, uh, there’s just one little hitch. Can I, like, borrow $200,000? I know it’s a lot of money, but let me put it to you this way. $200,000 = Bragging Rights for a Lifetime Among Your Chinese Friends. By that measure, it’s kind of a bargain, don’t you think? And I know you guys love bargains!

keep the dream alive,
Jen

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